Young Widows

While I was not able to marry, I lost my 1st fiance during a tragic car accident. He died before he could even tell me goodbye. He was my childhood sweetheart, I'd been in love with him since I was 12, and we planned to marry when I graduated from high school at the age of 19. It was to be a long engagement but neither of us cared. We knew we wanted to marry each other by the time I was 16 and he was 17.
He was taken from me in 2000. I was 17 years old. And although I'm engaged again (and this man too almost died, I might add) I cannot help but think of my previous fiance every day, and my current one knows it. In fact I wore my engagement ring until my current fiance replaced it with his, moving the old one to my right hand so that I would still be allowed to wear it. I still wear it. And I still think of him.

Give yourself time to grieve. Remember days that were special to you both with some celebration. And though it may seem impossible now don't rule out the idea of marrying again. It is possible. And when the right man comes along they will know that you still love the other and respect that. If they don't respect that, they are not the right man.

I'm in the club. Lost my hubby at 20. He was 24.

Prayer. Cheesy as it may sounds, that was honestly the ONLY way I got through it. I remember not being able to do...anything. I had a 4-month-old baby, a full time job (she came with me, I've never had to leave her in daycare, praise God!), and was also going to college. But then my world turned upside down and I was wiped out. I could think, I couldn't eat, I couldn't speak, I couldn't.....do anything. I felt like I was completely numb and was unresponsive. The only time I responded was at night when I would lay in our bed and cry. I was laying in there sobbing and just opened up to God like never before. I told Him how I was feeling and how I couldn't do anything. I got really worked up, and told Him that I needed Him to do it all. I needed Him to think for me, talk for me, walk for me, dress for me, eat for me, work for me, parent for me, school for me. I needed Him to do it ALL.

And you know what? He did. It wasn't a night-and-day transformation, but the next morning I woke up and took care of my daughter. I showered and dressed and went to work. I worked all day, then went home and took care of my house. I put my daughter to bed and then went to school. It all happened. And I knew in my heart that I wasn't able to do a bit of it, He took care of every bit of it for me. It was definitely a time of strengthening for my faith.

I am so sorry for your loss. I was 22 when my husband/bestfriend past away in a car accident. It was two weeks after his 27th birthday, and 1 month before our 2nd anniversarry.

The road has been long and hard, but you do what you've got to do in order to survive. I had to survive for the sake of our baby daughter. I did what I thought was best for her. I remarried, and gave her the family that I thought she needed. I gave her more sisters. I gave her a new daddy. But none of it will ever replace my Danny. In my heart of hearts HE will always be my true husband. My true bestfriend, and the ONLY daddy for my daughter.

God bless you sweetie. May he make you strong, and may he be with you during this difficult time.

In the beginning it felt very awkward doing anything without Terry, especially if it was enjoyable. But, as time went by, I became more comfortable. Terry had a wonderful laugh--it was deep and loud. I miss that laugh and I miss his arms. He gave the best bear hugs. He made you feel so safe and secure as long as you could just stay in his arms.

His college called the other night and asked for him. They were looking for his yearly donation to their alumni fund. That was the first time in awhile that someone called looking for him. It's still just so hard.

My name is Kristin. I am 22 and I lost my husband when I was 21, 3 months after our wedding and 6 1/2 months into my pregnancy. He was 25, he was in a band and he thought he had a few more months to get it all out of his system. He died in a car accident on his way home from band practice. He was the love of my life and we had been through a lot. Married only for three months but together for three and a half years. He died on my best friends birthday and though I know it's no one's fault, I take the blame inside my heart sometimes. If I had only driven him, if I didn't take my friend out. It'll be 8 months this october and I don't know if it'll ever truely be any "easier". It's not easy raising our daughter (who I recently found out is blind) by myself, it's not easy going home to an empty house, it's not easy being without him, it's not easy keeping my faith and leaning on Jesus, none of it is easy. But I have faith in the Lord that he will heal me. What the devil has taken away from me, the Lord will fill that emptiness with his love and peace. All I can do right now is focus on two relationships- mine with God, and mine with my daughter. I can't say how comforting (and sad at the same time) it is to know there are people who feel the same way I do. God Bless all of you.

I to was a young Window but my story is a little different. My husband and I were 21 when it happened. We had been together for about 3.5 yrs and had been married 1 month shy of 2 yrs. I got off work one day and we decided to go celebrate our upcoming anniversary since we couldn't get off on our anniversary. I was driving and someone veered into my lane on the interstate-- the truck rolled and my hubby got threw out. He never woke up and died 12 hrs later at the hospital. A couple yrs went be I got remarried and had a little one. Then the dog he gave me for christmas right before he got killed dies EXACTLY 4 yrs to the week of when my hubby got killed. That brought everybit of it back full bore to me. This is something you never heal from you just go on with life the best you can but love or nothing else is ever the same. Did I forget to mention we were first loves.

SportTees said:

I to was a young Window but my story is a little different. My husband and I were 21 when it happened. We had been together for about 3.5 yrs and had been married 1 month shy of 2 yrs. I got off work one day and we decided to go celebrate our upcoming anniversary since we couldn't get off on our anniversary. I was driving and someone veered into my lane on the interstate-- the truck rolled and my hubby got threw out. He never woke up and died 12 hrs later at the hospital. A couple yrs went be I got remarried and had a little one. Then the dog he gave me for christmas right before he got killed dies EXACTLY 4 yrs to the week of when my hubby got killed. That brought everybit of it back full bore to me. This is something you never heal from you just go on with life the best you can but love or nothing else is ever the same. Did I forget to mention we were first loves.

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This is so much like my story that it's got me crying. My late husband was also my first love. We married when I was 20, and had a baby girl nine months later. He discovered that he had cancer when the baby was just one year old. The doctors gave him three to ten years to live. He was only 26 at the time. One month after his surgery, and one month before our 2nd wedding anniversary a car ran the median and hit us head on. I sat and watched as my only love took his last breath and died in front of my eyes. That was 21 years ago August 14th.

I too have remarried. And I now have two beautiful daughters. But it doesn't make up for the loss of my first husband. I will always love him, and no one can take the place him. He'll always be my first love. My real love. Time doesn't take away the pain. You just learn to deal with it the best you can.

Nice to know. My heart goes out to you, who were married less time than me, and younger. I'm in my 30s, and though life insurance is a wonderful blessing, I'd trade it all just to have my love back.
To C1ners and SportTees, and others who have remarried, I can't imagine being able to do that.......but your current husbands must be real blessings to be able to respect your love for your first loves. I may ask more questions as time goes on, but for now, I'm glad this thread is there, that we may encourage each other.

I honestly wouldn't recommend getting married so soon afterwards. It really isn't fair for anyone involved. The best and wisest thing to do would be to wait until your heart heals and is ready to love again. I personally was not ready, and should never have done it. But everyone told me that was the only way to get over it, and I believed them. I was also told that I was being selfish for not wanting to give my daughter a daddy and a chance of more siblings. I thought I was doing it for very unselfish reasons. But looking back, I now know it was wrong. My heart just wasn't in it, but now it's too late. The damage is done, and I can only try my best to love my now husband as best I can. He deserves much better then that, and I feel very guilty for him having to stay with a woman who's heart really belongs to someone else.

Thanks for sharing that, C1ners. Yes; a widow in my church, now remarried, said she went through the same thing; she too was young when her first husband died; leaving her with small children. People told her to remarry so her children could have a father. She sought the Lord on it, and never felt it a good idea until years later when her children were grown. I ultimately am seeking the Lord on anything of the sort and more. I know that I can't give myself to someone else when my heart is with my hubby who is gone. I know I'd be comparing EVERYTHING and that's not fair to any man.
But for now, thankfully I'm not getting anything like that. It's been just under 2 months; everyone knows I should not be making any big decisions in the first year. I HAVE heard some people say that "you'll never get over it until you're with someone else" over a break-up of a dating relationship, and I challenge it EVERY time!
I'm sorry that you are one of the examples of "don't do what I did". I will pray for your marriage, and that God uses your experience for good in your and your current hubby's lives, and in others' lives.

c1ners said:

I honestly wouldn't recommend getting married so soon afterwards. It really isn't fair for anyone involved. The best and wisest thing to do would be to wait until your heart heals and is ready to love again. I personally was not ready, and should never have done it. But everyone told me that was the only way to get over it, and I believed them. I was also told that I was being selfish for not wanting to give my daughter a daddy and a chance of more siblings. I thought I was doing it for very unselfish reasons. But looking back, I now know it was wrong. My heart just wasn't in it, but now it's too late. The damage is done, and I can only try my best to love my now husband as best I can. He deserves much better then that, and I feel very guilty for him having to stay with a woman who's heart really belongs to someone else.

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I know what you mean but I don't believe you ever get over it

Don't you hate it when you hear people say "you're still young"? Or "you never know"? Well, I've heard it a bit, and maybe my moms needed to get that out of their systems; who knows.
I work in fast-food full-time, and I don't mind it; it's a job. My previous work in home care I enjoyed more, but that was more casual. And I get asked "have you thought about a career?" I've been through the post-secondary education thing, and any training for a specific career has blown up in my face!
And in talking about the future, I hear "you never know" when one of my siblings laments about not having any nieces or nephews. While I don't feel any desire for remarriage, I know that there could be many years ahead of me and things could change. But, I'm 36, with some health issues that could make pregnancy very risky; more so the older I get. So, having children with a second husband(IF that would happen!) is not an option. My mom tries not to make me feel guilty for not giving her grandchildren, though.....I think.
So, there's my young widow vent. I want to live my life to glorify God; that's my only real goal right now; besides grieving well. I'm starting to re-claim 1 Corinthians 7, which I claimed before I got married. And I don't plan on isolating myself; we all need the community of brothers and sisters in Christ.
So, how's everyone else?

I have not come to this area for a while. I am not so young (now 49) but I met my former husband on my 31st birthday, we married in December of 90, I knew he was terminally ill. he was hiv+ and back then, they didn't live that long.
We decided to risk conceiving, and after 8 months of trying, we conceived in 1992 and my son was born in March of 93.
My husband deteriorated after that and died a few days before my 35th birthday.
I actaully disliked telling people who didn't know us I was a widow, as they said they were sorry, and I felt guilty because it was a horribly abusive marriage and I wasn't sorry.
I am happy you all had wonderful marriages and great memories.
I am a country fan, but there is a new song by Carrie Underwood where she is depicted as a young widow and its painful to watch, so avoid it if you can, its called Just a Dream.

icedtea said:

I have not come to this area for a while. I am not so young (now 49) but I met my former husband on my 31st birthday, we married in December of 90, I knew he was terminally ill. he was hiv+ and back then, they didn't live that long.
We decided to risk conceiving, and after 8 months of trying, we conceived in 1992 and my son was born in March of 93.
My husband deteriorated after that and died a few days before my 35th birthday.
I actaully disliked telling people who didn't know us I was a widow, as they said they were sorry, and I felt guilty because it was a horribly abusive marriage and I wasn't sorry.
I am happy you all had wonderful marriages and great memories.
I am a country fan, but there is a new song by Carrie Underwood where she is depicted as a young widow and its painful to watch, so avoid it if you can, its called Just a Dream.

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Sending you a PM. I can relate on many levels, but don't want to share on the open forum.