The Great Spanking Debate! [play NICE now!]

We have spanked our children when they were younger. Usually it was the last option we resorted to because they were given other disciplinary actions to curb their behaviour (or whatever the issue was). Spanking was never done out of anger or daily. Now my boys are older and spanking is rarely done if at all anymore. They are old enough to discuss the consequences and have their privileges pulled away from them. That usually is all the disciplinary actions that are needed now.

we spank. not often. only when the boys blatenly and openly disobey.
time out and taking priviledges away work most of the time.
We use our hand, and only on the butt or hand. we do not use a belt or other object.

Initially I had vowed never to spank my child. I just couldn't see myself doing it and making my son cry. Well...... now that he's three things changed a little.
We only spank his bottom and only when necessary. I can say that we rarely use spankings as a consequence. That means when other discipline is not appropriate. I think that it should be used when a parent is not angry, and be used as one of the parenting tools that we use. For some kids, they simply don't work. I also think that if he were not understanding what they are for, then it would not be affective either.
On the rare occasion that we do spank, he is also affirmed that he is loved and it is explained why it happened and we process through it with him. I firmly believe that he understands.

Moriah_Conquering_Wind said:

OK lets have it here then ... the Great Spanking Debate.

To spank or not to spank ... that would be the question!
Do you find spanking useful? Why or why not?
Do you believe spanking to be wrong? Why or why not?
What would be an effective or appropriate use of spanking?
What would be an ineffective or inappropriate means of spanking?

Play nice now -- no namecalling no disparaging others who parent differently just share what YOU think about the subject and let others do likewise.

Have at it, if you like!! Poll optional.

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Before I had kids I was all for spanking.... and I still agree with spanking, I don't see anything wrong with it, I don't think it scars the kids, as a matter of fact sometimes what a kid really needs is a good healthy spanking. However, after I had my first I really struggled with it... I spanked when I was angry... and I had been physically and emotionally abused growing up by my mom so I was afraid. My husband on the other hand had a healthy balance between love and discipline growing up which included spankings... and so he didn't see a problem with it. This is an area that I really had to approach with prayer and I stopped using spanking for a while but just the corner... until I started to have more peace about it. My husband would say to me "he needs a spanking, why won't you give him a spanking" and I finally told him that I have to discipline the way I feel comfortable disciplining... that he had his way and I had mine.

When do I think it's inappropriate? Well, my BIL spanked his oldest daugher even when she was 14 years old... I think that's inappropriate... according to my husband he also spanked his babies when they were 9 months old- I also think that's inappropriate.

I think it's most effective with toddler aged kids, especially during the defiant 2-3 year old stage and I really think it's a joke when I hear parents try to reason with a child at that age when the kid is being a brat. When the kid is being a defiant brat they need a good swift swat on the rear end and that takes care of it and communicates very clearly your feeling as a parent about their behavior at that moment.

I don't use spanking for every little thing.... I think the consequence needs to be appropriate to the behavior inorder to teach a lesson. I usually find spankings are most useful when the behavior calls for an immediate to the point punishment.... other times I think the child needs to go to time out, or lose a priveledge.... However, using only one punishment for different behaviors is just not effective I think.

I think that spanking is most effective for 2-3 year olds because they need immediate consequences for their behaviors.....

Examples include when my 2 year old has a fit and kicks me on the changing table because she doesn't like getting her diaper changed, or yells and tells me no, or hits.

Does spanking lead to physical violence in children? Nope, I don't think so... I think lashing out and smacking your kids leads to them being reactive and lashing out and smacking someone else... but a spanking on the bottom is different. I once had a friend over who punished her kid by reaching out and open handed smacking them on the arm... I don't agree with that. When you just smack it hurts feelings whereas when you spank on the bottom in response to a bad behavior it teaches reverence. There's a difference.

Do I spank in public? Heck yeah... you won't see me running to the bathroom when we're out and my child is being defiant... nope, I'll pop their bottom right there in front of whoever is standing there... my opinion is that "if you don't like it, don't look" and if the child is embarassed then that is a natural consequence... sometimes when we get rebuked it is embarassing.

I usually worn before I spank or punish. With my son we always counted to 3... and he had till then to shape up... or I'll tell him "you do that one more time you will get a spanking"... but sometimes their behavior is so inappropriate that they deserve a spanking without warning... and we usually remind them or ask them why they got punished.

HB

Flibbertigibbet said:

I'll do that. I'll also pray you have wonderful, respectful little tykes who are naturally compliant. It DOES happen.

Every child is different, and I've found that what works for one sometimes has NO effect on another one.

Just wanted to add that I never did spank for the electrical outlets - I swatted the fire out the hand that was reaching for it. And left a mark, I might add, that took several minutes to fade. Although I hated to do it, it was certainly less painful to the children than electrocution.

Oddly enough, my 3 year old (who is into everything else in the house) has never messed with the outlets - except to unplug the lamp cords.
_________
I do have a question for everyone regardless of your stance: if you have ever heard a parent describe their insanely obnoxious child as having "oppositional defiant" disorder, have you secretly had the thought that in reality the child was suffering from "needs a spanking" disorder?

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This is true, my oldest we used the counting to three and as soon as we started saying 1... he'd adjust... if we got to three and he didn't adjust he got a spanking... but the few times he got one made the counting to 3 very effective. However, there have been times when I spanked him and he was uneffected and didn't take me seriously.

My 3 year old is far more stubborn, lazy and defiant... if you count to 3, she'll just look at you or ignore you until you get to 3 then half heartedly adjust... and she often ignores or tries to manipulate a lot... she goes through spurts when she gets lot of spankings, but unfortunately it's repeated spankings for her that gets the message across.... she needs to know you mean business. We had to spank her bottom to get her to use the potty and that worked like a charm.

My 14 month old... we don't ever spank and rarely will I slap her hand.. and it just breaks her heart when i do that... and then I cuddle her. She's starting to get a little temperamental though so give it a few more months and she might start getting some swats as well.

I think we were hardest on my oldest, however my 3 year old needs spankings the most, and we're easiest on our youngest. Over time you begin to get comfortable with your discipline methods and you adjust... and it really does depend on the kids too.

HB

We don't spank. I do not believe there is such a thing as a "good spanking".