Do wives realize how much their husband's go through to be with them?

indeed.

it's amazing to me that anyone feels their marriage is about sacrifice. i got married and my dh did too because it was what we wanted... what makes us happy... what we believe God intended for us...

big fat deal if you life changes a bit. (I think people have the word "sacrifice" mixed up with some other word - we're not killing the fatted calf here to be married or surrendering who we are... and if we are, maybe we should not be married at all)

I wouldn't want to marry a man who thinks himself a martyr for taking me as his wife.

DamagedNothing said:

I wouldn't want to marry a man who thinks himself a martyr for taking me as his wife.

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Seriously.

I know my husband gave up things to marry me. He knows I gave up things to marry him. Both of us did so willingly because what we got in exchange is so much better.

DamagedNothing said:

I wouldn't want to marry a man who thinks himself a martyr for taking me as his wife.

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I find this interesting as in my faith, we believe that marriage is one way to become a martyr.

I took the liberty of copying and pasting a portion of the wedding ceremony in an Orthodox Church:

The Crowning

After prayers are offered on their behalf, the groom and bride are crowned by the priest "In the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit". These crowns have two meanings. First, they reveal that the man and woman, in their union with Christ, participate in His Kingship. Second, as in the ancient Church, crowns are a symbol of martyrdom. The word "martyr" means witness. The common life of the bride and groom is to bear witness to the Presence of Christ in their lives and in the world. Martyrdom is usually associated with death. So the reality of God's Kingdom in the life of the husband and wife will necessarily take the form of dying to one's self, to one's will, and the giving of one's life totally to the other, and through the other, to Christ.

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Thank you, MsDahl!
There you have it.
Reality of married life is that one does not always want to cook, clean and put up with spouse's moods. It's not alway a joy in ha-ha! terms, to take care of a sick spouse or be kind when another one (like this wife) is in a grouchy mood. But you do it. And you put your needs second. When one is single that is not in the equation.
I replied to OP because husbands are underestimated and unappreciated. It is easy to see what the wife does: cooking, cleaning, baking, taking care of the children, gardening, etc. It's all very obvious and very noble. But what husband does is not noticed. For example. If my hubby was not married he would have used only paper plates. But because he is married to me, we use good plates every day. And when he washes those plates after dinner I know that the only person he is doing it for, is me. When he is at the kitchen sink doing dishes does martyrdom enter his mind? Obviously not! But the orthodox church apparently thinks otherwise.

Autumnleaf said:

A man who wants to be a husband does so much more than a guy who dates a girl and has sex with her. He commits so much more. Do women recognize and respect this sacrifice that a man makes, or do they see it as an infringement on their freedom? Maybe that is what it is from their perspective.

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MsDahl said:

I find this interesting as in my faith, we believe that marriage is one way to become a martyr.

I took the liberty of copying and pasting a portion of the wedding ceremony in an Orthodox Church:

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That's very interesting. Thank you for sharing that.

Mskedi, if you found that interesting, you would definitely enjoy learning about the marriage ceremony in its entirety from the Orthodox perspective. It is such a beautiful experience as it is full of spiritual meaning and symbolism.

Diana, I like the way you offered that example. It was a good one.

MsDahl said:

Mskedi, if you found that interesting, you would definitely enjoy learning about the marriage ceremony in its entirety from the Orthodox perspective. It is such a beautiful experience as it is full of spiritual meaning and symbolism.

Diana, I like the way you offered that example. It was a good one.

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I have really liked the Orthodox services I've attended (my best friend is Orthodox, so I go when I visit him), so I probably would really like to hear about the ceremony. I'll be sure to ask the priest about it the next time I'm out for a visit.

Mskedi said:

I have really liked the Orthodox services I've attended (my best friend is Orthodox, so I go when I visit him), so I probably would really like to hear about the ceremony. I'll be sure to ask the priest about it the next time I'm out for a visit.

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What a small world...lol Pretty cool that you are friends with an Orthodox Christian (what jurisdiction, do you know?) Sorry to the OP for derailing his thread.

Autumnleaf said:

A man who wants to be a husband does so much more than a guy who dates a girl and has sex with her. He commits so much more. Do women recognize and respect this sacrifice that a man makes, or do they see it as an infringement on their freedom? Maybe that is what it is from their perspective.

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Its great that a man makes sacrifices for his wife out of love! However a woman makes sacrifices for her husband also. You may find it beneficial to have knowledge of both perspectives. This is a great discussion for you and your wife to start together. If you feel like she is not contributing to the marriage in the way you feel she should you should let her know and be open about it in a calm loving manner. Though do not disregard her perception of what she sacrifices, and she should respect your words too.

God bless you! Stay encouraged!

You do not indicate your age, but I can relate as a woman about 23 years ago to your post. At that point in my life I knew and was on and off dating a man who wants to be a husband and does so much more. He was/is am amazing human being who I was not ready for at that point in my life. I went on to date other men and when I WAS ready to marry, he was already wed, albeit unhappily. I went on to marry someone I believed God intended, but suffice to say that due to his own childhood, my husband cannot be happy with anyone longer than 2 hours or so.
(This is NOT a sarcastic statement, but rather the truth).

My first love has been divorced for awhile and I have dreamed of being with him as he does know about love, but God does not allow for that. I cannot leave my husband who has been unloving (as I knew him to be prior to our marriage) only because the man I should be with is now "free."

Please..all of you..go to God and think wisely upon your choice for marriage. I wish that someone had hit me over the head when I was 21..my life would have been so much different....not to mention A life that was TOTALLY committed to serving our Lord and not just surviving.

Have you heard of Poe's law? The problem with making a satirical tongue-in-cheek comment is that, if its too subtle, people will think you're serious.

Autumnleaf said:

A man who wants to be a husband does so much more than a guy who dates a girl and has sex with her. He commits so much more. Do women recognize and respect this sacrifice that a man makes, or do they see it as an infringement on their freedom? Maybe that is what it is from their perspective.

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My husband chosing not to just date girls and have sex with them outside of marriage was a committment and sacrifice he made to God far more than just a committment and sacrifice he made for me. He absolutely delights in the fact that he saved himself for me, and I for him.

Doing this is far, far from being a sacrifice or an infrignment upon our freedom. It is everyday a blessing that we saved ourselves only for each other, and that we can share our life together. He thanks the Lord that he made no mistakes before marrying me.

I am so blessed to have a husband who never considers me an infringement upon his independence and freedom. I feel the same way towards him.

My best friend and I married about one week apart. I love her. I think her husband is a nice guy. But as far as I know, her husband has not made many changes in his life because he IS a husband. He just is what he used to be before marriage, with an added wife.
My husband chose to change from a bachelor in a husband, and yes... that involved sacrifices in time and in choices. I try to make he knows how much I apreciate his atitude. He also does the same to me. He knows that marrying him involved sacrifices (not the least of them leaving my country for his. *LOL*). Being a wife involved sacrifices. Then we both became parents... which meant sacrificing in the choices we make as a man and a woman AND in the choices we make as a husband and a wife. My house is not as tidy now as it was when I was a wife without being a mother. Which is a sacrifice to our baby from both my side and my husbands side. (though I think he cares less about it then I. *LOL*) Meals are much more chaotic, which definitely is a sacrifice on both our sides.

I agree... a man chosing to become a husband makes sacrifices. Just like people say that just getting a woman pregnant doesn't make you a true father, just marrying a girl does not make you a true husband. But if a man makes the choice to actually sacrifice for his wife, to change himself into a husband... that sacrifice should be apreciated, and returned. And the sacrifice of a woman who turns herself into a wife should be equally apreciated. (not all women do. One just need to watch one episode of bridezilla ot realize that. I can never understand why men marry these women. *LOL*)

Now wait a minute.

Yes, life changes when you get married. Adjustments need to be made. I know that. I'm married. What I find disturbing here is this attitude that says "I gave up A, B, and C for you, and you'd better appreciate it". If you were in the market for a house and someone wanted to sell a luxurious mansion for two dollars, would you for an instant have to weigh the value of the two dollars against the mansion to make up your mind? I couldn't imagine myself ten years down the road saying "boy I sure miss those two dollars". Yet we do this with our spouse??

I think the question should be, "Do I realize that my wife(/husband) is infinitely more valuable than any insignificant thing I 'gave up' in order to be with her(/him)?" You can't put a price on a lifemate.

I find it interesting that the OP has not returned to expound on his comments or reply to current comments. Troll?

I understand that my husband has made a lot of sacrifices to be with me. But is it my fault that my family is a bunch of psychotic controlling mind-manipulating yahoos? No it's not my fault, I can't help the family I come from and believe me, I've apologized a lot to my husband for the crap that they have put us both through. But he always shrugs and smiles and brushes it off because he doesn't see it as a sacrifice. He wanted to marry me and they are the ones who came along with me, but after all is said and done, we are the ones who are married.

Maybe instead of thinking about yourself, think about what your wife has done for you. Thinking about your spouse before yourself is being married, not about yourself before your wife. And if she did something to upset you, you should be talking to her and resolving it instead of writing stuff on the internet to get a rise outta people...

c1ners said:

Has it ever crossed your mind that women also make sacrifices?
Most of us do it out of love and don't expect pat on the backs for it.
If you love someone you make sacrifices. That's just the way the world turns.

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Well said.