Who's the boss?

jlujan69 said:

Married men, of any or no religious background, do you believe you are, or should be, the boss of your home? By "boss", I don't mean a dictator, but rather the primary decision maker for the family. Please share your reasons.

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I've been married over thirty years and both my wife and I are Baha'is.. When we married we agreed to abide by the will of God but neither of us are the "boss".. over time we have agreed to acknowledge though that each of us have specialities or some talents that qualify us for certain roles. I generally handle taxes and budget but we consult on large purchases and usually find agreement between us...we consult with each other and have common goals. She reared the children and prepares food.. I wash the dishes. She shops for most items and selects entertainment... In the house and garden lately we share chores and duties: I water the plants and veggies and she plants planned the Garden.. I add touches that I like..so we are a team most often and support each other.

- Art

Namaste jlujan,

thank you for the post.

jlujan69 said:

Married men, of any or no religious background, do you believe you are, or should be, the boss of your home? By "boss", I don't mean a dictator, but rather the primary decision maker for the family. Please share your reasons.

Click to expand...

nope. making decisions that effect other beings without taking their views into account or conceeding that that their views may be better than my own, seems remarkably egotistical to me.

like most beings, i try to make the most positive decision that i can; so does my spouse and so do my children.... i'd be wiling to venture that all beings endeavor to make the most positive decision when they can.

i simply cannot envision any being, in any relationship, being the primary decision maker and having a relationship which would be consonant with the Dharma.

metta,

~v

What vajradhara said.

My marriage is a pretty egalitarian arrangement, without "bosses".

jlujan69 said:

Married men, of any or no religious background, do you believe you are, or should be, the boss of your home? By "boss", I don't mean a dictator, but rather the primary decision maker for the family. Please share your reasons.

Click to expand...

I'm a married man of a Catholic background, but I am an atheist today and have views that may be un-Catholic.

I've never been the boss of my home, and have intentionally sought to share decision-making. My model of a marriage is of two independent equals who act together in discussion and thought to arrive at mutually agreeable decisions that involve the both of us. It seems to work well for us.


eudaimonia,

Mark

Arthra said:

I've been married over thirty years and both my wife and I are Baha'is.. When we married we agreed to abide by the will of God but neither of us are the "boss".. over time we have agreed to acknowledge though that each of us have specialities or some talents that qualify us for certain roles. I generally handle taxes and budget but we consult on large purchases and usually find agreement between us...we consult with each other and have common goals. She reared the children and prepares food.. I wash the dishes. She shops for most items and selects entertainment... In the house and garden lately we share chores and duties: I water the plants and veggies and she plants planned the Garden.. I add touches that I like..so we are a team most often and support each other.

- Art

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That is about we do in my marriage... He does finances...I do the shoping.......hahaha... But joke aside... serious he does have more of a decision making role in matters where I consider that it is not my "turf" and I do not let him make decisions where I do consider to know better.... But in "real big" decisions we take them together, always consulting each other though for almost everything. I would not want it any other way. And in Eastern Orthodoxy man and woman are to be equal, for it says that women should respect their husband and men love their wives as Christ loves his Church.

Now talking about hierachy... though I have to say that a husband being the "head" of the family is a tittle given to him. We, as Eastern Orhtodox, do not give it much thought but in matters of hierachy husbands do come first..That does not mean though that equality is compromised....Democracies do need a president ...do they? But still by no means 'elevating" them into the "primary" decision maker....

I am the decision maker.

I always decide to do what my wife wants.

Who's the Boss?

For what it's worth:

It isn't uncommon for women bossing their husbands around. However, if it comes to the question of what scriptures have to say, then it is clear that women should submit to their husbands.
Paul, the apostle of submissions, makes it clear. He also tells women to keep quiet during church meetings. 1 Corinthians 14:34-35

Islam has even stricter rules concerning women, which can be witnessed every time when watching news from the Middle East. The Qur'an advises women too to submit to their husbands:
"And as for those (women) on whose part you fear disobedience, admonish them and leave them alone in their beds, and chastise them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Surely, Allah is High, Great."
Chapter 4:35 (AL-NISA)

Kutte

Secundulus said:

I am the decision maker.
I always decide to do what my wife wants.

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Smart man!


My fiance and I are not yet married, but we've lived together for a few years now, and we make decisions together. Neither is the boss over the other, we are a team.

I was hesitated to write in this thread but as a muslim married women I think I should tell about islamic marraige life

Islam has even stricter rules concerning women

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I don't know what are those rules? I a muslim and I have no propblems at all with the islamic rules but actuely I do believe that islam is the most religion that gives women it's full right,actuely , we have part of teachings in islam called women's fiqh= it talks about every thing concerns women and every thing here means realy every thing .and we have a very tall sura in Quran called women
and about the news and these stuff they only show what they want to show , so don't believe every thing that they show
in islam marriage isn't a game or a trial , Allah called it in Quran the very strong covenant
And if ye wish to exchange one wife for another and ye have given unto one of them a sum of money (however great), take nothing from it. Would ye take it by the way of calumny and open wrong? (20) How can ye take it (back) after one of you hath gone in unto the other, and they have taken a strong pledge from you? (21)
An-Nisa
there are also husband's rights and wife's rights every muslim should know and comitte with
I hope I could show to you some part of our beautiful religion islam
thanks

I like Martin Cowen's advice.

http://www.martincowen.com/insidevoices.mp3

Basically, in my marriage, I'm an Emperor. And my wife is an Empress. Ideally, we treat each other as sovereigns in our own right. Well, Martin explains it better.


eudaimonia,

Mark

I, too, affirm and endeavor to do what Arthra said.

Peace,

Bruce

Thanks Bruce!

My wife and I have been partners coming up on thirty five years now... and hope to see a few more!

- Art

Kutte said:

For what it's worth:

It isn't uncommon for women bossing their husbands around. However, if it comes to the question of what scriptures have to say, then it is clear that women should submit to their husbands.
Paul, the apostle of submissions, makes it clear. He also tells women to keep quiet during church meetings. 1 Corinthians 14:34-35

Islam has even stricter rules concerning women, which can be witnessed every time when watching news from the Middle East. The Qur'an advises women too to submit to their husbands:
"And as for those (women) on whose part you fear disobedience, admonish them and leave them alone in their beds, and chastise them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Surely, Allah is High, Great."
Chapter 4:35 (AL-NISA)

Kutte

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A man making decisions in the home is called leadership, but a woman making decisions is being bossy?

I don't understand the concept of "bosses" in a partnership. FH and I have too strong a bond and too much mutual respect for one another to allow room for such concepts. As Gardenia said, we're a team.