The same handful of people...

LovebirdsFlying

My husband drew this cartoon of me.
Christian Forums Staff
Red Team - Moderator
Supporter
Aug 13, 2007
28,726
4,216
59
Washington (the state)
✟832,583.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Others
As an update, I'm still in a depression today. I do have another therapy appointment tomorrow.

Could someone address that new-kid-itis I'm feeling at church? You know, where the new kid comes to school, and the cliques are already formed, the class offices are already elected, and there's no place for the new kid to fit in? Sometimes I have a real problem with those churches, where there director of music just happens to be the pastor's cousin, the pianist is his aunt, the secretary is his wife, his mother runs the nursery, his brothers and sisters are the Sunday School teachers, the children's church leader is his brother-in-law, and all of his other relatives rotate doing the special music every week. If you're not related to the pastor you just jolly well sit in the pew and do nothing. You're good for putting money in the collection plate, but that's about it. I don't know if this is one of those churches or not. I know it's the same handful of people doing everything, but I don't think they're related to the pastor.

Does anyone else ever feel this way?
 

DeanM

Well-Known Member
Jun 4, 2007
3,633
402
59
✟5,870.00
Faith
Other Religion
Marital Status
Married
If that happened to me, I'd set up a chair on the front steps and play my guitar until they sick of me doing that, and asked me to join the music team.

I'd also keep any money that "fell" into my guitar case.

Joking aside, It is hard to break into any establishment. Network, network, network.

And pray!
 
Upvote 0

geekgirlkelli

I'm the girl your mother warned you about.
Nov 7, 2007
713
95
✟16,328.00
Faith
Agnostic
Marital Status
In Relationship
Yep, I remember those times. And then they'd discover that I had both musical and sound/technical talent and then I was pretty much used until I burned out.

Reading threads like these brings back memories... And makes me even more happy to be a Wiccan solitary. I have so many more friends -- true friends -- now than I ever did, though admittedly it's not all because of my change in religious beliefs.
 
Upvote 0

Joykins

free Crazy Liz!
Jul 14, 2005
15,710
1,181
53
Down in Mary's Land
✟29,390.00
Faith
Methodist
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Democrat
Does anyone else ever feel this way?

I haven't been in anything quite that small but usually once you have a job they need or want you for, you're in whether you want to be or not...they will work you to the bone and it is hard to say no; the upside is you do get to know people that way (which is a hard thing for me to do).
 
Upvote 0

Kris10leigh

Actively seeking conversion
Feb 23, 2008
3,214
205
✟12,078.00
Faith
Judaism
Marital Status
Married
I feel this way all the time wherever I go, but it's my own darn fault.

Case in point...I played my flute for the service yesterday and exited through the kitchen so no one could congratulate me or tell me it was beautiful. :o I don't take compliments well. I don't socialize well. It's a terrible thing. I come off as snobby, which couldn't be further from the truth. Instead of feeling like I'm better than everyone else, it's the opposite and I feel like they are all better than me. :doh:

We should be able to just relax and bask in the kindness that is offered at most churches. It's certainly there at my church if I could only welcome it. ;)
 
Upvote 0

LovebirdsFlying

My husband drew this cartoon of me.
Christian Forums Staff
Red Team - Moderator
Supporter
Aug 13, 2007
28,726
4,216
59
Washington (the state)
✟832,583.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Others
I feel this way all the time wherever I go, but it's my own darn fault.

Case in point...I played my flute for the service yesterday and exited through the kitchen so no one could congratulate me or tell me it was beautiful. :o I don't take compliments well. I don't socialize well. It's a terrible thing. I come off as snobby, which couldn't be further from the truth. Instead of feeling like I'm better than everyone else, it's the opposite and I feel like they are all better than me. :doh:

We should be able to just relax and bask in the kindness that is offered at most churches. It's certainly there at my church if I could only welcome it. ;)
I don't care whether anyone compliments me or not. I just wish I could be allowed to do something besides sit there and listen to the sermon. I don't feel a part of things.

I feel the same way about not having a job. We have enough to pay bills, but no more. Ever. We have some major fixing up that needs done. Pretty much all of the plumbing needs to be replaced. We don't have hot water in one of the bathrooms, and in the other, we have to activate the shower diverter with pliers. Our stove has visible cracks in it, and parts of our refrigerator are held together with duct tape. We bought this house intending to fix it up, but after paying the bills we don't have anything left to do that with. We wouldn't have that problem if I were able to work. Or, if Mike had only himself to support, he would have enough extra income to get those things fixed and wouldn't have to live like this.

So with Mike earning money, it's my job to take care of the house, right? He is very patient with me and says he knows I can't do everything, especially with physical disabilities. But I still feel horrible when he has to cook a meal or run a load of laundry because I didn't get to it. It's bad enough when he does those things on his day off, but when he has to come home from work and do it, then I *really* feel awful.

As for church, part of the problem is conflicting needs. Mike has social anxiety and a job that requires dealing with people. By the time we get to church on Sunday morning, he's had all the interaction he can handle. I need to get to know the members of our church. Get out of the house. Make friends. Get involved. Have a life besides being online all the time. But every Sunday it's the same. Church is over; let's get out of here before someone says hello to us. As soon as we're dismissed, he makes a beeline for the car, and I have no choice but to follow him. We don't go back for Sunday evening or midweek services. So I guess there's really no way I *can* get involved, and I can see where they would think I really don't want to.

This thing isn't getting any better. At all. I continue to feel useless. I can't point to one thing I'm needed for.

Sorry about the downers here. I am in a terrible state of depression and need a lot of help getting out of it.
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0

Eve_Sundancer

Now what should I put here?
Dec 7, 2004
504
51
38
Iowa
✟8,428.00
Faith
Unitarian
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Democrat
Is it possible for your husband to, after church serviced, leave you there and come back to pick you up later? I suppose that wouldn't really work if you had no way to get ahold of him when you were ready to go home, or if there was nothing really to do after the service but if it is possible it would be a good way to compromise.

I really don't know how to break into the groups in a church, and get involved when things are already almost set into stone. I know I haven't been that successful doing that at my husband's church. So I kind of know where you're coming from. I'm sorry :hug:
 
Upvote 0