Have you ever had a 'friend' try to steal your SO out from under you?

I live by that code

I just want to add something:

Every single girl that I've dated that I "stole" from somebody else (even if their relationship was in it's death throes) ultimately ended up leaving me for somebody else.

Loyalty is a very important thing indeed.

deliciousBass said:

I just want to add something:

Every single girl that I've dated that I "stole" from somebody else (even if their relationship was in it's death throes) ultimately ended up leaving me for somebody else.

Loyalty is a very important thing indeed.

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a sorta "if they do it for you, they will do it to you" sort of thing.

justaGUYnamedROB said:

And if you were the one who was in the position of losing your SO to the charms of another, what do you think an appropriate Christian response to that situation would be?

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It happened to me.

I was engaged, and my fiance's best friend was female. I was never comfortable with it (I was certain that the best friend wanted more than friendship, but my fiance assured me that they had discussed it and they were just friends).

Eventually, my fiance chose his friend over me - not in a "romantic" sense, but he chose the friendship with her, over the relationship with me.

I was hurt, but the whole time, I had been trusting that God's will be done in my life, and I was looking to God to meet my needs, not to my fiance to meet my needs. Difficult to explain, but that was my stance at the time.

When the relationship ended, I continued to trust God. I knew that my (ex)fiance had made the decision to favour his friendship over our relationship, and I knew that it wasn't my place to change his mind. I made the decision to let go, and to let God do what he wanted to do.

Not long afterwards, I met someone new, who was better than I ever imagined. We got married

I still have no doubts that my former fiance was "meant to be". I still believe that had he chosen me over her, we would still be together, and that we would be happily married. I just know that what I have now is so much better than what I could have had if I stayed where I was. As they say, God works in mysterious ways!

Interestingly, my ex-fiance is now married to his former "just" best friend!!

I guess my answer is to stay focussed on God, and trust him. People will let you down, but God won't

I am a survival of the fittest type of guy, but not necessarily when it comes to dating. I respect relationships. If a girl is in a relationship with another guy, I am going to respect that and stay out of it. Now, if she is just "talking" to another guy, then I have no problem taking my shot, as she is available and open to new relationships. If she is in a relationship, then I respect that and won't cross the line.

Coach

And if you were the one who was in the position of losing your SO to the charms of another, what do you think an appropriate Christian response to that situation would be?

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Go for his sister. Oh wait, you said Christian. I dunno.

fixed now ^

If the dude wants to move in on my lady, the dude ain't gonna be my friend any longer.

"What would Jesus do?" He would do everything in His power to keep/win her love. Jesus went to the cross to win His bride. What makes anbody think Jesus would not fight for love? When it comes to love Jesus laid it all on the line.

I personally would have a talk with my "friend" and let him know he is way out of line and that I am on to him. I would probably end the friendship.

Not "from under me".... I broke up with her.. and a few weeks later they were chatting up a storm and ended up getting together shortly after.

I think it's a pretty crummy predicament, no matter which way you slice it.

Not that dating is all about tests, but it is the time you spend getting to know someone that you could potentially entertain the idea of spending the rest of your life with.

Chances are, if you find them attractive inside and out, so will someone else and it's something you'll always have to deal with. Better to know now how they'll respond, right?

You don't have any control over how other people are going to conduct themselves, and really it doesn't even matter. What matters is whether you can trust him/her, and I'd rather know sooner than later.

So....I say if there's someone that wants to steal 'im away? Let 'em try.

Fremdin said:

Oh that hurts. I think the number one rule with girls should be; be a sister to your friends. I would never betray a friend.

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That's my view, also. I would never go after a guy that my friend was in a relationship with, and probably wouldn't go after someone that my friend was even seriously interested in, either.

But honestly I don't see where it would be a likely problem. My friends and I are never attracted to the same type of guys.

Quirk said:

I'd assume, if they were easily swayed by the charms of someone else, my partner or that person I was salivating over, isn't the one for me.

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Very true. If someone is easily distracted from my attention, I would always assume he isn't that into me and hopefully would move on quickly to find someone who was.

guacaMolly said:

You don't have any control over how other people are going to conduct themselves, and really it doesn't even matter. What matters is whether you can trust him/her, and I'd rather know sooner than later.

So....I say if there's someone that wants to steal 'im away? Let 'em try.

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So serious. It definitely has a way of proving whether or not someone really likes you or if it's just a passing infatuation.

If the guy did get stolen away, then frankly, good riddance. If he stuck by me, it would make me feel all the more confident of his feelings for me.

Good thoughts, everyone. Great topic.

justaGUYnamedROB said:

The phrases "survival of the fittest," "may the best man win," "love comes with no guarantees," etc. are a few of the things that come to mind when I think about this topic, but they do nothing towards making my blood boil over it any less.


But another part of me says that I should 'defend my lady's honor' by tearing the infidel in question's arms out of his sockets.

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My previous response still stands as the best way not to get ulcers over it, but I don't think that you should necessarily pretend that it doesn't bother you, either. As long as you're not blaming the SO (yup, I've had that happen to me) for the jerk's behavior.

I guess, as with most things, communication is key.

Plus, I don't know a girl who doesn't think that at least a little bit of jealousy (when called for) is hot. In fact, I'd be concerned if it didn't perturb my guy even just a little bit.


(I too am curious if there is any scripture that addresses this.....)

guacaMolly said:

My previous response still stands as the best way not to get ulcers over it, but I don't think that you should necessarily pretend that it doesn't bother you, either. As long as you're not blaming the SO (yup, I've had that happen to me) for the jerk's behavior.

I guess, as with most things, communication is key.

Plus, I don't know a girl who doesn't think that at least a little bit of jealousy (when called for) is hot. In fact, I'd be concerned if it didn't perturb my guy even just a little bit.


(I too am curious if there is any scripture that addresses this.....)

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I thought the OP was talking about you

I think this may make me a bad person, but I sort of did this to a friend of mine. The guy she was after couldn't stand her and she was incredibly obsessed to the detriment of her emotional well-being. I liked him, so I kind of got in the middle of things. Interestingly, it all worked out--I have a boyfriend, she's found someone else to obsess over (that doesn't hate her this time), and we're all great friends.

BranwenUerchLlyr said:

I think this may make me a bad person, but I sort of did this to a friend of mine. The guy she was after couldn't stand her and she was incredibly obsessed to the detriment of her emotional well-being. I liked him, so I kind of got in the middle of things. Interestingly, it all worked out--I have a boyfriend, she's found someone else to obsess over (that doesn't hate her this time), and we're all great friends.

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Yup, you're bad.

I did it, but I didnt know that a friend of mine was after the same gal. I knew that another guy liked her, but didnt know it was a good friend of mine. Again worked about well. My friend started dating another gal a few months later, and they are still married. Me, I haven't done so well

guacaMolly said:

I think it's a pretty crummy predicament, no matter which way you slice it.

Not that dating is all about tests, but it is the time you spend getting to know someone that you could potentially entertain the idea of spending the rest of your life with.

Chances are, if you find them attractive inside and out, so will someone else and it's something you'll always have to deal with. Better to know now how they'll respond, right?

You don't have any control over how other people are going to conduct themselves, and really it doesn't even matter. What matters is whether you can trust him/her, and I'd rather know sooner than later.

So....I say if there's someone that wants to steal 'im away? Let 'em try.

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My husband, when we first started dating actually stood me up to let his roommate have a shot at me. I guess the guy wanted a chance, so my husband (bf at the time) said go for it. Of course I was not interested in his roommate, and I was furious for him standing me up like that, but we weren't exclusive at that point yet, so I had to play it cool. But even after we were married, I remember one time we were out dancing, and some guy wanted to dance with me, and my husband told him "you think you have a chance? Go for it?" He wasn't jealous or possessive, which is interesting, because his wife before me left him for a truck driver she met at work. But he also would stand up for my honor when he needed to also.

memoriesbymichelle said:

I don't think it's possible btw to "steal" someone from someone else. Either she digs you or she doesn't so if your friend hits on her and she goes for it, then she just wasn't that into you. If she was (that into you), no man could "steal" her away.

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QFT!

memoriesbymichelle said:

I don't think it's possible btw to "steal" someone from someone else. Either she digs you or she doesn't so if your friend hits on her and she goes for it, then she just wasn't that into you. If she was (that into you), no man could "steal" her away.

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Yep.