Just a thought but tum..

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This is a good idea. Evie and I have a similar thread going, but there are only about 3 or 4 of us who post. Maybe we can cobine the threads somehow.

I'll start off by sharing a little of my struggles. I am sick and tired of denying myself sexually. It feels like nobody else is in this whole world. I have sexual needs and there is no Godly outlet for them. I am really tired of waiting for a wife who may never show up. This is not my biggest or only struggle or trial, but it is on my mind right now. I feel like a fool for denying myself when it is almost certain she hasn't. I don't feel like serving God in this manner is worth it to me. I feel like I have been misled.

silentpoet said:

I'll start off by sharing a little of my struggles. I am sick and tired of denying myself sexually. It feels like nobody else is in this whole world. I have sexual needs and there is no Godly outlet for them. I am really tired of waiting for a wife who may never show up. This is not my biggest or only struggle or trial, but it is on my mind right now. I feel like a fool for denying myself when it is almost certain she hasn't. I don't feel like serving God in this manner is worth it to me. I feel like I have been misled.

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I sometimes feel this way, too. But, you honestly don't know that she has not denied herself and do you really want to be the man to have to look at your wife and say, "I'm sorry that I didn't wait on you, because I know you waited on me."

silentpoet said:

I'll start off by sharing a little of my struggles. I am sick and tired of denying myself sexually. It feels like nobody else is in this whole world. I have sexual needs and there is no Godly outlet for them. I am really tired of waiting for a wife who may never show up. This is not my biggest or only struggle or trial, but it is on my mind right now. I feel like a fool for denying myself when it is almost certain she hasn't. I don't feel like serving God in this manner is worth it to me. I feel like I have been misled.

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It sucks. I am there, too. It's a day-to-day fight.

What if she has saved herself? I know quite a few girls that have--great girls, fun girls, beautiful girls. They're out there. You may not get a virgin, but then again you may.

I ain't holding my breath at this point. The odds are not good though at my age and given my circumstances I don't think it is very likely. I can endure, but I am not sure how much I care at this point.
But really I can only control my actions, I can't control her actions. I just think it is a little sad that society has gotten to this point. But I guess if you look at say the period of the early Christian Church there were similar struggles against the norms of society. We have internet inappropriate content, they had orgies and vomitoriums. So our struggles are not unusual.

It's a struggle for many people. I'll admit I struggle with it. I have tremendous respect for guys that are still virgins at my age and older. I think it's a good thing. There are still virgin girls out there. There are still virgin guys out there. But even if your future wife isn't a virgin; i think it's still a great thing to stay pure until you have met and married her. The struggles hard, but please endure.

silentpoet said:

I ain't holding my breath at this point. The odds are not good though at my age and given my circumstances I don't think it is very likely. I can endure, but I am not sure how much I care at this point.
But really I can only control my actions, I can't control her actions. I just think it is a little sad that society has gotten to this point. But I guess if you look at say the period of the early Christian Church there were similar struggles against the norms of society. We have internet inappropriate content, they had orgies and vomitoriums. So our struggles are not unusual.

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That's true about society. I think there is a verse in the Bible that says, "You have no struggle that is not common to man." We are never alone in our struggles. I would say that if your endurance is motivated by wanting to please God then you will go far. Don't think about your future wife's status. Stranger things have happened, but even if she isn't, you kept yourself and honored God. Also, your wife, virgin or not, will honor you for all these years of sacrifice. She will be good to you and admire you for your perseverance.

silentpoet said:

I ain't holding my breath at this point. The odds are not good though at my age and given my circumstances I don't think it is very likely. I can endure, but I am not sure how much I care at this point.
But really I can only control my actions, I can't control her actions. I just think it is a little sad that society has gotten to this point. But I guess if you look at say the period of the early Christian Church there were similar struggles against the norms of society. We have internet inappropriate content, they had orgies and vomitoriums. So our struggles are not unusual.

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I know what you mean. I don't expect to marry a virgin either, although I would love to. I agree that it's really sad that premarital sex is considered the norm among Christians. I don't believe that's the way God intended it to be.

The girls that I hang out with are virgins, though, and they're 26-30, which is in your age range (I assume), so there is some hope. But anyway, my point was just that I hope you stay strong, because think of how sad you would be if you did give in and then ended up marrying a girl who had saved herself for you.

Either way, I hope you find her soon.

And believe me, there are many days where I pray, "God, you're going to have to either give me even more grace or send me a husband soon."

BlessedLYT said:

I see that many of us share the same grief, heartships and pain. We are such an asset to one another. I know if we are able to talk and share as a group so much more can be accomplished, rather trying to do it alone. Sometimes when threads are made deep conversation stops at the risk of getting off subject. So I wanted to start a group on here for people like myself, that may or may not be part of other groups that want to talk about God and if something else was to come up the conversation does not have to stop. I wanted to join other groups but I think it is best to start off fresh so no one has missed anything.

I also wanted to start a livejournal group were we write how we feel and other group members are able to read it, you never know how what you are going through can help someone else. I thinking about how writing is a great thing because we will be able to see our growth as a body in Christ.

I wanted to know how you guys felt about that. I choose live journal and not the blog because God put livejournal on my heart. I know there may be times that some of you take breaks from this site but since we are using livejournal you can still share your love of God. I feel like this can be something great but I wanted to know how you guys feel about it. God put this on my heart yesterday so I have to ask.


Be Blessed

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I like the idea. I have a livejournal free account under Gosplgirl.

Here is another thought or two on my struggle of being single. I hate it when people tell me to be content as a single. The analogy I could draw is to Caleb. He had been promised a particular piece of the Promised Land. And Caleb insisted on claiming that land. He did not stay out in the wilderness saying it was OK. I can't say being single is OK. I insist on my promised piece of the Promised Land. I am not going to be OK with less than the promises of God. There is a book I have been meaning to buy by Bill Hybels called Holy Discontent. I think it would say something much the same thing. I don't think we should be content with less than the fullness of God's promises.

silentpoet said:

Here is another thought or two on my struggle of being single. I hate it when people tell me to be content as a single. The analogy I could draw is to Caleb. He had been promised a particular piece of the Promised Land. And Caleb insisted on claiming that land. He did not stay out in the wilderness saying it was OK. I can't say being single is OK. I insist on my promised piece of the Promised Land. I am not going to be OK with less than the promises of God. There is a book I have been meaning to buy by Bill Hybels called Holy Discontent. I think it would say something much the same thing. I don't think we should be content with less than the fullness of God's promises.

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I agree, but I've been wondering lately do we fail to have the fullness of those promises because we lack the faith it requires to see something like that manifest. Just in terms of thinking about my own singleness, I have asked myself two questions: 1) Am I desiring the right/righteous thing? and 2) Am I asking in faith and having faith that I will recieve it? Maybe my prayers lack effectiveness because I don't truly have faith. Just something I've been pondering because I will never be satisfied with less than the fullness of Christ and all that entails.

I think you may be taking the wrong approach to it. A lack of fulfilled promises may have nothing to do with your worthiness or what you are asking for or your faith. It could just be God's timing that is off from our perspective. I mean we see things from our perspective with our concept of time. The lack may just be because all is not ready yet. Or it may be that somebody else is not ready, even though you or I might be ready. I really think that sometimes we ask what is wrong with me or my approach to this and nothing is wrong but timing.

As for faith, I think we are all doing our current best. Yes we may have room for growth, but at this very moment we are doing the best we can. Others may have more or less faith than us, but that is because their best is different from our best. We are all gifted differently in spiritual matters. And faith is one of those matters.

silentpoet said:

I think you may be taking the wrong approach to it. A lack of fulfilled promises may have nothing to do with your worthiness or what you are asking for or your faith. It could just be God's timing that is off from our perspective. I mean we see things from our perspective with our concept of time. The lack may just be because all is not ready yet. Or it may be that somebody else is not ready, even though you or I might be ready. I really think that sometimes we ask what is wrong with me or my approach to this and nothing is wrong but timing.

As for faith, I think we are all doing our current best. Yes we may have room for growth, but at this very moment we are doing the best we can. Others may have more or less faith than us, but that is because their best is different from our best. We are all gifted differently in spiritual matters. And faith is one of those matters.

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I think you're right. I am always quick to wonder what I did wrong or what is wrong with me which is just self-doubt coming into play. I have actually tried to work on that over the past several months. When my ex-fiancee broke up with me in January, my automatic response was "what did I do wrong, God?" I feel like God assured me that I did nothing wrong, but since I didn't, it makes it even harder to understand why that happened and why I am still single. I can theorize on reasons and I've finally accepted that I will just understand when I do, but I wish I could have a solid answer about so many things in that situation. It was a real test of my faith and I went through a very brutal time of feeling betrayed by God.

Staying pure is definitely a struggle for a lot of people, and it may very well be that you don't meet someone that has stayed pure too. Although I know many people that have waited for marriage that are older. I know how hard it can be to wait, especially when it feels like you will be waiting forever. I once dated a girl who didn't wait and she felt pretty terrible about it. The truth of the matter is, that affected me too. It took me awhile to get comfortable with the idea of being with someone that didn't wait for marriage. In the end I did finally get there, but I can personally attest that being someone that strongly beliefs in waiting it can be hard being with someone that hasn't. I did eventually become comfortable to an extent with it, but the relationship ended up not working out for other reasons.


I think that you may be right and that sometimes we need to go out and find what God has promised us. Sometimes that is God's way to give us what we were promised. We can't always wait for it to come to us. But when we do go out and seek in this way we do need to be sure that our heart is right with God and aligned with his desire for us. We still need to trust and belief that God will provide the fullness of his promise to us. God tells us again and again that he will bless us and give to us if we just trust him and follow him in all things. The key I believe is to make sure that we are right with God, that in all things we make time and room for God first and foremost. When we do that he will bless us so much.

I really believe that especially for a man we can't just wait around for someone to come to us, that generally does not happen. I believe that we need to go out and actively seek and try to find the person. If we don't provide ourselves opportunities to meet people then we may be passing up open doors that God has presented to us to take. I am reminded of the story of a man who experienced a flood in his town and refused to leave because of strict belief that God would save him. Police came when the water was shallow, a boat came when the water had reached the second floor, the coast guard came when it was at the roof, a helicopter came when there was nowhere left to stand. Each time he refused help believing he would be saved. When he died, he stood before God and said "I believed you would save me! Why did you let me drown!" God answered, "I sent the police, a boat, the coast guard and a helicopter all to save you, what more did you want?" It just reminds me that sometimes God presents us opportunities that we just need to take before we find the fulfillment of his promises.

What bothers me is when people say, "You may want to get married, but just remember marriage is no bed of roses. It's hard work and you'll miss your freedom." Blah, blah, blah. Like, of course I know that--I'm not stupid.

Of course I don't get that as often these days. Usually it's more like, "So, um, aren't you going to find anybody anytime soon?"