Happy Athiest's Day

And in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make
-the Beatles

Kol said:

I don't think there is one, so maybe today should be it...or maybe today already is it.

You must celebrate this blessed and sacred event by sitting at home and wondering if there really is such a day...

But the real question is, does Athiest's Day exist because I suggested it, or did I merely percieve it, even if I did so with my imagination?

Either way, peace guys.

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I wonder how long it will take for someone to pull out the joke about the Atheist going to the Supreme Court demanding that there be a national holiday for Atheists. I'm gonna have to subscribe to this thread just to see.

There was a Christian lady who lived next door to an atheist. Every day, when the lady prayed, the atheist guy could hear her. He thought to himself, "She sure is crazy, praying all the time like that. Doesn't she know there isn't a God?"

Many times while she was praying, he would go to her house and harass her, saying "Lady, why do you pray all the time? Don't you know there is no God?" But she kept on praying.

One day, she ran out of groceries. As usual, she was praying to the Lord explaining her situation and thanking Him for what He was gonna do. As usual, the atheist heard her praying and thought to himself, "Humph! I'll fix her."

He went to the grocery store, bought a whole bunch of groceries, took them to her house, dropped them off on the front porch, rang the door bell and then hid in the bushes to see what she would do. When she opened the door and saw the groceries, she began to praise the Lord with all her heart, jumping, singing and shouting everywhere! The atheist then jumped out of the bushes and told her, "You ol' crazy lady, God didn't buy you those groceries, I bought those groceries!" At hearing this, she broke out and started running down the street, shouting and praising the Lord.

When he finally caught her, he asked what her problem was. She said, "I knew the Lord would provide me with some groceries, but I didn't know he was gonna make the devil pay for them!"

LOL @ Secundulus, that truly is a Christian story!

Ironic that it would seem more fitting if the 'atheist' in the story was christian and the christian woman praying was any other type of believer or non believer. The badgering, harrassment and judgemental attitude tells it all

I'll even put it in more realistic terms...

*Ding Dong*

Lady opens door.

Christian: "Have you found Jesus yet? Here's a pamphlet."

In a year you've only written 96 posts?

iano said:

LOL @ Secundulus, that truly is a Christian story!

Ironic that it would seem more fitting if the 'atheist' in the story was christian and the christian woman praying was any other type of believer or non believer. The badgering, harrassment and judgemental attitude tells it all

I'll even put it in more realistic terms...

*Ding Dong*

Lady opens door.

Christian: "Have you found Jesus yet? Here's a pamphlet."

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Yeah, I thought it was pretty funny and I got it of an atheist website. Some people still have a sense of humor.

Oh YAH! ... 97.

I'm in no hurry, I'm not pressured by an impending apocalypse

A man walked into the ladies' department of a Dillard's Department Store ...
... and said to the woman behind the counter, "I'd like to buy a Baptist bra for my wife, size 36B."
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
"Baptist," said the man. "She said get a Baptist bra, and that you'd know what she meant."
"Ah yes, now I remember," said the saleslady. "We don't sell many of those. Mostly our customers want the Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, or the Presbyterian type."
Confused, the man asked, "What's the difference between them?"
The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple... the Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright. Then there's the Baptist type."
"What does that do?" asked the man.
She replied, "It makes mountains out of molehills."

iano said:

Oh YAH! ... 97.

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Maybe you're just not trying

iano said:

I'm in no hurry, I'm not pressured by an impending apocalypse

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As an Orthodox Christian, neither am I.

A Priest, a Pentecostal Preacher and a Rabbi...
...all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another, and they decided to do a seven-day experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it. Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.

Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first.
"Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he proclaimed, "Well, brothers, you know that we don't sprinkle...we dunk! I went out and I found me a bear. And then I began to read to him from God's holy word! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took hold of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestle down one hill, up another and down another until we came to a crick. So I quickly dunked him and baptized his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the week in fellowship, feasting on God's holy word, and praising Jesus."

They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.

The rabbi looks up and says, "Oi, you fellows don't know what trouble is until you try to circumcise one of those hairy buggers.

There’s a farmer who’s working away outside his house when he hears on the radio that a flood is heading his way.

Soon a truck pulls up and they shout “Get in, hurry”

And he says “No, don’t worry. God will save me”

Soon the waters are lapping about the house. Soon a small aluminium boat comes up to his house. “Get in, hurry” they call to him

And he says “No, don’t worry. God will save me”

Pretty soon the waters have risen so high he’s standing on the roof of his house. A helicopter comes by and they roll out a rope ladder for him

“Hurry, climb up!” they yell.

And he says “No, don’t worry. God will save me”

The waters continue to rise and the farmer drowns.

He goes up to heave. He seeks God out. He goes up to God and says “I’ve been a good Christian all my life. I’ve always prayed. I’ve always helped the needy. I’ve read the Bible every day”

“Yes?” God says

“Well, when I really needed you, you let me die”

“What do you mean?” God says “I sent a truck, a boat and a helicopter!”

There is this atheist swimming in the ocean . . .
. . . All of a sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat. As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He's scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"
In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"
Aghast with confusion and knowing he can't lie the man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in YOU, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?"
The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light is retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again. As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.
Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes, bows its head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food for which I am about to receive..."

Kol said:

I don't think there is one, so maybe today should be it...or maybe today already is it.

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Every day is Atheist's Day, because atheists live for this life.


eudaimonia,

Mark

Eudaimonist said:

Every day is Atheist's Day, because atheists live for this life.


eudaimonia,

Mark

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I was waiting for pathos

Merry Atheists Day!

May God grant you atheists many years

A story from the life of a great Baptist preacher:

I was walking down the road one day when I crossed a bridge. A man was standing on it, looking as if he was about to jump off. Being a minister, I went to him to talk:

Me: Why are you going to kill yourself?
Him: I have nothing to live for!
Me: Sure you do! Are you religious or atheist?
Him: Religious!
Me: Me too! Are you Christian or a filthy heathen?
Him: Christian!
Me: Me too! Protestant or Catholic?
Him: Protestant!
Me: Me too! Methodist or Baptist?
Him: Baptist!
Me: Me too! Southern Baptist or Independent Baptist?
Him: Independent Baptist!
Me: Me too! Independent Baptist Church of God or Independent Baptist Church of Christ?
Him: Independent Baptist Church of God!
Me: Me too! Independent Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1876, or Independent Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1877?
Him: Independent Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1877!

...and with that I yelled "DIE, HERETIC SCUM!" and pushed him to his death. They got it all wrong in 1877.

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A rabbi, a Thelemic priestess, and a Catholic priest all went fishing one day. They're in the middle of the lake, when suddenly the rabbi realizes he forgot his lunch back on the shore. He hops out of the boat, walks across the lake, gets his lunch, and brings it back.

A little bit later, the priestess realizes she'd left her cigarettes on the shore. She also hops out of the boat, walks across the lake, gets her pack of Newports, and brings it back.

The priest, puzzled by this, but sure that he must have the same level of faith as the other two, declares that he also left something on shore. He hops out of the boat, and plunges into the water, then desperately swims to shore.

The rabbi turns to the priestess and asks, "Should we have told him about the rocks?"

The priestess smiles, amused, and asks, "What rocks?"


I'll be here all week folks! Remember to tip your bartender, and that there's a two-drink minimum!

sidhe said:

A story from the life of a great Baptist preacher:

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I saw (on DVD) a much under-rated American comedian Emo Philips do a version of that at Amnesty concert in the late 80s