Celibacy

JonMiller said:

By some definitions (and the one I am using when I refer to it) celibate and abstaining are the same. However, gift of celibacy is something else...

JM

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Ok, yeah - I can agree with that.

Alright so I am basically celibate but not "gifted" with celibacy...

flnativegrl said:

Ok, yeah - I can agree with that.

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I don't understand

gottabemore2life said:

I don't understand

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I agree with what he is saying b/c I have chosen to be celibate by abstaining until I am remarried - at which time celibacy would go out the window. I don't choose to be celibate/abstain for the rest of my life, tho - unless I am not meant to remarry.

I wasn't a virgin when I got married, so I am treating this like my chance to do it over the right way. Some people will probably strongly disagree with me, but that is their issue - not mine, IMO.

flnativegrl said:

I agree with what he is saying b/c I have chosen to be celibate by abstaining until I am remarried - at which time celibacy would go out the window. I don't choose to be celibate/abstain for the rest of my life, tho - unless I am not meant to remarry.

I wasn't a virgin when I got married, so I am treating this like my chance to do it over the right way. Some people will probably strongly disagree with me, but that is their issue - not mine, IMO.

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Totally giving you reps for this post!

flnativegrl said:

I wasn't a virgin when I got married, so I am treating this like my chance to do it over the right way. Some people will probably strongly disagree with me, but that is their issue - not mine, IMO.

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I'm not a virgin, either, but I have been abstinent in the 6 years since I became a Christian.

gottabemore2life said:

1.a person who abstains from sexual relations. 2.a person who remains unmarried, esp. for religious reasons. –adjective 3.observing or pertaining to sexual abstention or a religious vow not to marry. 4.not married.


By definition 4 I am celibate.

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According to that definition, then, I'm 1, 3 with exceptions, and 4.

I consider myself celibate. I'm still a virgin at 26 and I've pretty much decided that relationships aren't for me. Even if I were to get married, that wouldn't necessarily mean I'd want to have sex. I've got very high (yet I think reasonable, reachable) standards and expectations for when/if sex does happen in the context of marriage. The only reason they'd be considered high is because of the high amount of secularism in the world today and (many) people would view my expectations/standards as "unrealistic", "judgmental", and "unattainable", which I disagree with these people.


I consider myself celibate because I do have these high expectations/standards, I do know they're high, and I know I won't lower or relax them. I'd rather die a virgin than to go back against the expectations/standards I've set, which I believe are very Biblical/Godly. I know how to be happy either way, so in the end, I'm comfortable with whatever the outcome is in the end.

Celibacy a gift?!? Kidding.

The world will tell us the benefits of having sex outside marriage, but most honest studies will tell you sex within marriage is better, and they also don't consider the spiritual aspects of sex outside of marriage.

Celibacy is very difficult, but it's the higher road. You can save yourself a lot of trouble too.

For most of us, celibacy is not so much a gift as a temporary state of being... kind of like not eating dessert before dinner. Although, I suppose it's possible to relish the anticipation itself in a way that could be considered a gift.

Laurie919 said:

How can you be married and not have sex?

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I don't see marriage, sex, and/or love as being linked together and inseparable, first of all. Maybe it's because I'm an intellectual, but I believe it's possible to love someone in a Platonic manner, meaning, love and/or marriage minus sex. I consider sex as a bonus in the context of marriage. It doesn't have to happen, but if it does, then great. What separates us (humans) from the rest of the animal kingdom is our intellectual abilities, the ability to reason and think rationally, to think outside the box and outside our sphere of comfort. That means being able to regulate/control certain instincts we all have.

Two, just because someone is asexual (like myself) doesn't mean they don't need intimacy and/or a partner. Everyone has the need for intimacy. No, intimacy is not sex. Intimacy might be a step -toward- sexual relations, but they're not one in the same. Intimacy refers to a feeling of closeness, vulnerability, being able to share your thoughts/feelings with someone, belonging, etc. Everyone has it, even people with low/no sex drives.

Finally, sex within marriage isn't safe sex. It may be -safer- sex, sure, but the only safe sex is no sex. With sex, you take a lot of risks. The question of your partner's sexual past -does- and -will- come into play. If indeed sex really is the physical expression of love, something no word can describe, then that's pretty intense. That also means any feelings -after- sex are also intense, especially negatives ones: feelings of insecurity, jealousy, envy, inadequacy, suspicion, etc., which can complicate, even dissolve the relationship, especially in modern society where views and attitudes on premarital sex have been relaxed, even in Christianity today.

So for me, in short, it's the fact that I can think outside the box and see the other, more important functions of marriage (sex being on the bottom of the list, even not on the list), the fact that everyone needs intimacy in some way, shape, or form, and the fact that I'm aware of both the physical, mental, and emotional dangers associated with sex today and that I want to safeguard myself from any distress. Some people, like myself, are stress-prone and stress-sensitive, so the less stress in our lives, the better.

My view on this is, of course, a minority view. It's a view the majority won't agree with. It's even a view the majority will probably try to change my mind about and try to prove me wrong, when there's no right or wrong about my decision. It's simply a decision on how I want to live my life and a decision that I think will make my life the most enjoyable.

And with that, I'll start waiting for people to post tl;dr to my reply. :v

maycontainnuts said:

I am abstaining from sex until marriage (if I don't get married then I won't be having any sex) but I WANT to get married so I don't consider myself "celibate".

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this is me, too

flnativegrl said:

I agree with what he is saying b/c I have chosen to be celibate by abstaining until I am remarried - at which time celibacy would go out the window. I don't choose to be celibate/abstain for the rest of my life, tho - unless I am not meant to remarry.

I wasn't a virgin when I got married, so I am treating this like my chance to do it over the right way. Some people will probably strongly disagree with me, but that is their issue - not mine, IMO.

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fng, I have done the same thing. My divorces were both due to sexual discrepancies, so I have decided to just be extremeley picky in that area. If I never remarry, then I shall remain celibate.

I think asexuality and celibacy as two different things, since asexuals can still have sex. But eh, if you don't, who knows..

mina said:

this is me, too

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Me to, I am not gifted for being single but I try to encourage others to make the most of it while we are

flnativegrl said:

I agree with what he is saying b/c I have chosen to be celibate by abstaining until I am remarried - at which time celibacy would go out the window. I don't choose to be celibate/abstain for the rest of my life, tho - unless I am not meant to remarry.

I wasn't a virgin when I got married, so I am treating this like my chance to do it over the right way. Some people will probably strongly disagree with me, but that is their issue - not mine, IMO.

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I totally agree with you and am in the same boat.