I fell off the horse

Boxers1 said:

So I fell off the horse the other night....An obsession started to grow, caught me kind of by surprise, and then totally spiked a panic type feeling. I cannot believe my body reacted when truly it is not a new obsession it just sounded more agressive or forceful. I know intellectually that I am supposed to ignore it and my head can say "that's invalid" but boy that anxiety was really the core of the issue. That "feeling" was just killing me again. If the anxiety wasn't there, I know I would have been much more able to toss the thought aside. I am coming off the anxiety spike with help from anti-anxiety meds and it really helps. The medication helps me feel better so I can better cope with the thoughts, but I know I still have to let the thoughts be there, I just have to lessen my response to them. This disorder is all b/c of that surge of emotion, that surge of fear- the thoughts are still not valid. But boy I really hate those "feelings" and I know for sure that I could handle the thoughts if they didn't cause those surges. So I will take my own advice and deal with the anxiety problem b/c my anxiety problem is what needs to be treated- the thoughts are not really the root of the issue.
Thanks for listening.
Boxers1

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Yeah, you probably know that I know exactly where you're coming from. I hate those feelings. To me, that is what makes the disorder so completely unbearable at times. When I fell into my months-long OCD episode right before the holidays, I, too, remember thinking a thought and having a horrible feeling in my stomach. I've had that thought before and if I didn't have that emotional reaction, it would have just passed me by. But my emotions got hold of that one thought, and it just snowballed from there.

Sounds like you're already trying to get back on the horse. The positive thing is, it's probably taking you less time and less effor this time around because you have learned great skills to cope with it. Plus, thank goodness for medication. It can really help us get our footing.

You are right - everyone has these thoughts. It's our response to them that make them so problematic! Praying for you!!

Boxers1 said:

So I fell off the horse the other night....An obsession started to grow, caught me kind of by surprise, and then totally spiked a panic type feeling. I cannot believe my body reacted when truly it is not a new obsession it just sounded more agressive or forceful. I know intellectually that I am supposed to ignore it and my head can say "that's invalid" but boy that anxiety was really the core of the issue. That "feeling" was just killing me again. If the anxiety wasn't there, I know I would have been much more able to toss the thought aside. I am coming off the anxiety spike with help from anti-anxiety meds and it really helps. The medication helps me feel better so I can better cope with the thoughts, but I know I still have to let the thoughts be there, I just have to lessen my response to them. This disorder is all b/c of that surge of emotion, that surge of fear- the thoughts are still not valid. But boy I really hate those "feelings" and I know for sure that I could handle the thoughts if they didn't cause those surges. So I will take my own advice and deal with the anxiety problem b/c my anxiety problem is what needs to be treated- the thoughts are not really the root of the issue.
Thanks for listening.
Boxers1

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Really good insight, Boxers1. The thoughts are not the root of the issue. We all have them. The more I talk to people, the more I realize everyone has unwanted thoughts, doubts, even similar responses, etc. The difference is that all consuming persistence of "the feeling".

Hang in there. Sounds like you are doing better.

God Bless,

Marc

I have to say that this weekend is especially bad for me for unwanted thoughts; especially with the crucifixion. I was convinced last week that I must be demon possessed - but how can that be true. I was doing so well I thought. But yesterday I was going to Hell. They tell me there are ways to force these thoughts out into the open to help with spikes, but that would be blasphamy wouldn't it with my mind?
I am on the road of repentance.

StandInFaith said:

I have to say that this weekend is especially bad for me for unwanted thoughts; especially with the crucifixion. I was convinced last week that I must be demon possessed - but how can that be true. I was doing so well I thought. But yesterday I was going to Hell. They tell me there are ways to force these thoughts out into the open to help with spikes, but that would be blasphamy wouldn't it with my mind?
I am on the road of repentance.

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It can't be blasphemy if the thoughts are against your will in that they are unwanted and intrusive. With OCD the thoughts are always against our will. We do not want them there. The less agressive way to deal with them is to "just let them be there" without attending to them or trying to rid yourself of them.
As far as your being on the road to repentance -every Christian is - every day. For there is not a day that goes by where I don't sin in some small way by thought or deed. But these sins are nothing like OCD thoughts. They are things that I willingly engage in. They are more subtle and go along with my old nature.
God understands our affliction of OCD better than we do and His "grace is sufficient for us" to live for His glory with or without it.
Praying for you,
Mitzi

marcb said:

Really good insight, Boxers1. The thoughts are not the root of the issue. We all have them. The more I talk to people, the more I realize everyone has unwanted thoughts, doubts, even similar responses, etc. The difference is that all consuming persistence of "the feeling".

Hang in there. Sounds like you are doing better.

God Bless,

Marc

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Hey Marc,
So good to hear from you.
I had a talk about this very subject with my husband the other day. He has had some pretty disturbing thoughts and images enter his mind too. He told me about one the other day that involved one of our grandbabies. It happened like this. He was holding the baby near the edge of the pool so he could watch his older brother in swim class, when suddenly the thought popped into his head to throw the baby into the center of the pool. He said it bothered him for just a moment that he had that thought but then he was able to just dismiss it as nonsense, knowing full well he would never do that.
He told me about this because he is very knowledgeable about my OCD and wanted to demonstrate the difference in his reaction to the thought and mine. I really appreciated his sharing that with me, because it really pointed out that all people have abberant thoughts pop into their heads but not all people have OCD so the reaction /anxiety response, to thoughts are wholly different from ours. My husband doesn't have a faulty alarm system like I do.
Now with me... a thought such as that causes such an incredible surge of anxiety that the thought seems to have tremendous weight and validity. Then if I was to begin war with the thought it could quickly gather strength and become a big time OCD theme.
Just wanted to share that because it fits the topic of this thread.
God Bless,
Mitzi

Boxers1,

Even though you may feel like you've fallen off the horse, I can see such a huge difference in you since I first 'met' you on these forums. You have got such an insight into how to cope with this now and God is using you to help others. I'm proud of you sister! And I know you are going to get right back on that horse again.

God bless,
Heather

Boxers1, when you fall off the horse just get back on it, Ive fallen off the horse also,with me its more like i fell off and my foot got stuck in saddle(cuz im not 100% obsessing right now)and i agree with HeatherG a lot of us here are different then when we first came here.I know i am.

HeatherG said:

Boxers1,

Even though you may feel like you've fallen off the horse, I can see such a huge difference in you since I first 'met' you on these forums. You have got such an insight into how to cope with this now and God is using you to help others. I'm proud of you sister! And I know you are going to get right back on that horse again.

God bless,
Heather

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Amen! I was thinking the same thing.