Could use some prayer or support

Praying for you, Sad. I also said a couple of comments in your rep comments. Hang in. You know the drill." It's not me. It's my OCD."

Dear Sad,
I will pray for you too....My OCD has been trying to act up the last couple days too...I really had to practice my "oh well" to a lot of thoughts in the last few days...a few times I just had to sit and do some exposure therapy until the anxiety died down a bit. It is that "feeling" of panic that just feeds our OCD. Remember, treat the anxiety in whatever way works best for you. Exposure, relaxation techniques, medication. Remember anxiety is the issue, not your husband or any other obsessions. Believe me I understand.
Boxers1

Sad said:

Thanks, Kay. I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread right now, kind of teetering the line between control and giving into panic. I have a midterm I have to go take right now so my prayer is that I can focus on it and not be distracted by this awful stuff!

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Sad said:

hi everyone,

Not sure if it's the weather or just being sick/stressed out, but I am having a rough time today with my OCD. My old obsessions about loving my husband are back and really trying to take me down today. I have been anxious and near tears all day... I'm at work so holding it in is my only option, though I would love to go home and have a good cry right now!

I'm so down, and so anxious today. I have all these thoughts torturing me about not loving my wonderful husband, what if we get a divorce, etc. This just kills me inside because I love him more than anything and just want to be happy with him. I am terrified of being swallowed up by my obsessions and living in a constant panicky state. I have been there before... it's no fun and I don't wish to go back!

I have been trying to use all of my skills and tools I learned in therapy but nothing seems to be helping today. I'm just bombarded with these bad thoughts. I hate them, despise them.

I hate the way I feel whenever I'm obsessing. I hate that I can't "feel anything" when I look at my husband. I hate that I'm constantly checking how I feel, and feel the opposite of what I want to feel. I hate that I feel those urges to get reassurance and neutralize the anxiety. I'm so sick of fighting it. I feel like I will never win.

I covet your prayers right now, as God has been the only thing that has brought me relief in the past. Thanks, everyone...

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HI Sad,
Just wanted to share that I've had something similar happen to me where I've minutely analyzed my emotional responses to loved ones to check and see if I have deep enough or the right kind of love for them.
This got really scary to me recently when our oldest son, wife and one year old grandson visited. They live clear across the country from us and we'd had only one short 4 day visit with them since the birth of the baby. While they were staying with us over Christmas I noticed that I didn't think I felt the proper type of affection and love toward the baby compared to my other grandsons that live right here in our town. This really upset me and I kept searching for evidence and some sort of emotional proof that I loved him just as much. I would look at him and think what a beautiful and precious blessing and gift he is from God. Then I would think, but you don't really appreciate that gift do you? You don't love him enough. Then I would just feel nauseated and sick inside. I was so afraid that this lack of feeling might show, that my kids would be able to see it. It was just nuts and really wreaking havoc with my ability to just get to know this little guy and fall in love with and bond with him naturally.
Any how, long story short, I realized that it was my OCD that was behind all this over the top fear. I do love my little grandson and that love grows stonger every day. I've stopped the analyzing of my feelings toward him because I know that every time I begin to do that I'm really feeding the OCD.
I know your OCD about your love for your husband is far more intense than mine but I just wanted to share this because I think it's a common manifestation of the disorder to accuse us of not having love for those that we love the dearest.
Praying for you,
Mitzi

Sorry you're feeling so awful today Sad...but I'm pleased that the ERP has helped realise that your gut instinct about your love for your husband is louder than any screaming the OCD can do! I really hope and pray you feel better soon...you've been so supportive to me and the fact that you're really suffering at the same time says a lot about you as a person..compassion and strength wise. You said such fab things in your posts to me...maybe re-reading your own replies might bring a bit more clarity? Let me know if I can help further...take care, Rachel

Sad,
I prayed for you!!

Love,
Q

Hi Sad...hope you're feeling a bit better...just said a wee prayer for you...take care, Rachel

Sad said:

Hello everyone! Thanks for your prayers, they have certainly helped. I feel a lot better today, probably 75% better than I did on Monday. Today was the first day that I woke up with no anxiety... praise God!

Exposure is going well. I've done imaginal exposures so far. I think in another few weeks I will move on to scripting exposures (scary!!). I'm tempted just to let it go for now because my OCD is behaving, but I know I need to keep practicing these things every single day. The biggest challenge for me remains not seeking reassurance and not ruminating whenever I get a spike. I mentioned in another post that my spikes right now are like a punch of anxiety right in my stomach, but I've been somewhat successful just trying to ignore it.

Thanks again, everyone, for your prayers. It helps sooo much. I'm so thankful we have a place like this to come to for support and encouragement. You all are a blessing.

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Good, Glad to hear you are better today. I'll be thiking about you. Today I'll leave the house for the first time since Sunday. Your post is encourageing! Soooo its shopping for Easter family celebration.
Blessings
Izzy