Need to talk and vent WARNING MAYTRIGGER

Thats horrible im sorry you have to deal with that on top of the OCD.. I will be praying for you sis.

I know God our Father will get you through this and lift you up

Dizzydoll,

No mistake at all in response your question. Admitting the problem of ocd and leaning on God is the best we can do (and it's not always easy to do - so good job).

I am sorry about your past and recent trauma. My heart breaks for you. I am praying for peace in your life.

Marc

It's never a mistake to admit your weaknesses. now, with God's help you can begin working on them! I am praying for you and your family...

I am so sorry for what you've gone through. Sometimes, in my own mind, I have felt like an outcast. The more I've felt that way though, the more I've tended to stay away from other people, which can be really bad for ocd because it gives it too much thinking time. Christians are supposed to bear one another's burdens, but sometimes it seems we put more on each other. I've learned that I have to be careful whom I share information with, and this website has helped a lot also since I can share most anything without fearing people won't understand or think I'm weird. I will pray for you and your family. People here truly do understand. I felt I was so alone in my world, and I even refused to believe it was ocd and seek help for it for the longest time. It's a huge first step for you to even acknowledge it. God loves you and so do we!

Rebecca

Praying for you Izzy. I'm so sorry for the painful abuse you've suffered. Please know that nothing in our past or our present life in any way minimizes God's ability to make something beautiful of our lives. He gives us "beauty for ashes." Remember Joseph's story. Though others may mean things for evil God will take those wounds and turn them into something that will glorify and show forth His love for you and His power in your life.
Mitzi

I know when I am struggling with OCD alot, I recluse into myself. I dont want to really talk to anyone. I know it's not good but it is the way I am. Have you been to a counselor at all? I know that there are Christian councelors that deal with OCD. THis might be a resource for you.
Also, I pray that you will find a church home that is fully accepting of you. Please dont lose the faith. My prayers are with you.

dizzydoll said:

Thank you for responding. I don't have a councelor. I did consider changing churches but feel the problems would be the same. It did bother me and comfort me somewhat tha nobody seems to notice the change in me. There were no offers for prayer. Tuesday, I went to a homeschool support meeting. It went ok. My friend went with me. I have allowed 2 people to get close to me. That was a victory and a blessing. Bible study about the names of God has helped more than I can express. I'm in an awesome study with good Christian women. In this class I have felt the anointing of the Holy Spirit on me. It makes me weep which is a major embarrassment to me. I cant stand for my feelings to show ever. I know they think I'm crazy. After class all I want to do is go directly prayer not even attend the service just so I can sit at Jesus feet. I'm worried that my tears might disourage the leader. Tkhing is I feel the Holy Spirit refineing me. Its undescribeable even painul. What is worse people sleeping through a lesson or crying? I ve been trying to force myself to get out more even it it is only to Walmart.

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You are showing great courage, kiddo. I know how painfully hard it is to go out and be around people with that crushing and debilitating anxiety. It's far easier to give into it and just stay home. My children were also a huge motivator to me to keep on keeping on. I had to, because they needed me to be stong otherwise I would have just holed up inside my house and inside myself.
I really like what CS Lewis had to say about the emotion of fear. I like it because when you have OCD you have no choice in the experience of emotional fear because your brain is misfiring and pumping out way too much adrenaline when it's not needed. So we with OCD go throught period where the emotion of fear/anxiety is an ever present entity. Here's the quote:

"The act of cowardice is all that matters, the emotion of fear is, in itself, no sin."

You are no coward my friend, you are pushing on and choosing to follow Christ to the best of your ability even though OCD and hardships are making that choice one that can often produce excruciating mental pain. Remember that our OCD can never rob us of our ability our free will to choose to follow Christ.
I'm thankful for your inspiring courage - you have already been a huge blessing to me.
Mitzi

That's so great that you can have at least 2 people you can trust to share with. Those kinds of mentors and friends are truly blessings from God. You actually have many more since you visit this website. It's wonderful that we can be here for each other. I was thinking recently that sometimes I think I cry at the feet of Jesus because it seems so long since I've been there and I feel relief at thinking I'm actually accepted by Him and He is my friend. It's such an awesome privilege to be able to do that. In my life though, sometimes I would cry and pray and wait for a feeling of release in my spirit, which would never really seem to come, and I would close other people out. When I got into that frame of mind, it's like I would regress instead of progress. I'm not saying that's what you are doing though. I know that our lives need balance. That's very difficult for the person with ocd. One side of the scale in my life seems to almost always be tipped greatly in one direction or another rather than being balanced. I'm so glad that you are letting people in. It's a huge step! I think about and pray for you since reading your posts.

Love,
Rebecca