Problems with my feelings

Hi,

Sad said:

I know we touched on this in a different thread, but I wanted to revisit it. It seems as though the biggest problem I have with my OCD are the bad feelings that accompany it. It seems as though these feelings are what make my thoughts seem true or valid. When an obsession or intrusive thought enters my mind, the first thing I do is try to check my feelings to see how I am reacting to that thought. If it's a bad feeling (which it normally is,) it's like it convinces me that my intrusive thoughts are true.

Yes, that is exacty what I do. Now that I'm on meds, I feel like there is a delay between the thought and the response. It's almost like I have a choice to leave it alone, but I do exactly what you described, I check my feelings to see if the thought was valid.

I really think that I could have an intrusive thought about turning into a pink elephant, and if my feelings made it feel like that were real, I would end up believing it!

I try to fight back with the "right" feelings to find some assurance or reassurance, but it fails most of the time.

For me it fails everytime as far as I know.

So my question is, how does everyone deal with the feelings aspect of OCD? Yes, anxiety is a problem... but I'm also talking about those knot in your stomach, sinking feeling, I feel so bad this feels real type of feelings that happen with OCD.

How do I deal with it? Often not very well. The past 2 days have just been weird. My obsessions have changed just enough to confuse me into reacting. It seems like once that feeling sets in, I'm stuck with it for a while.

I've been trying a few tactics.. one is just saying to myself "I have anxiety, I can live with it," and then try to move on. The other is reminding myself that OCD can produce these types of feelings... it seems as though OCD can manipulate my feelings into supporting my biggest fears.

Sounds like a good strategy. Keep up the good work.

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Oh Sad! I know what u mean.Sometimes I can react so negatively to a thought that I have a nervous breakdown. Now this doesnt happen alot to that extreme but about 4 or 5 days after I got married, I freaked out and thought "is this it?" did i make the right choice and that was it! I had a complete melt down. I thought that I needed to get a divorce. I even told my hubby that maybe we should get an annulment. It was awful. I finally got help and was diagnosed with OCD.

I was doing really well last night and today then this afternoon the OCD was attacking my brain while I was at the gym!!! I just thought, "trust in the Lord your God and lean not on your own understanding" THis helped and I tried to ignore it which I have found that taking meds does help you to ignore it a little bit easier.

I learned a long time ago that I can not trust my feelings but it is hard sometimes to not believe them when they are negative! It is very frustrating! Just hang in there! YOu are stronger than you think!

Hey guys:
I appreciate this thread because it also mirrors my experience with OCD exactly. Sad, I totally get what you are saying that you wish you could just shut off your emotional reaction to the intrusive thoughts. This is the real problem with OCD. It's not so much the content of the thoughts as it is the all out panic reaction that we have to them. Our body simply does not know how to cope with the intrusive thoughts and so it reacts wildly causing those horrible, gut wrenching "feelings." I know that it is these "feelings" that make the OCD seem valid or real, but this is the whole smokescreen behind the disorder. The thoughts aren't valid even though they make us feel terrible. And that is where medication can really help too b/c it takes the sting out of the usual emotional reaction. If I feel like my brain is in overdrive on a particular day, if I take a xanax I feel more in control of my response to the thoughts. This clearly reveals as Marc was saying the chronic, biological nature of the illness. Its all about learning to cope with the pink elephants. You have to let the pink elephants be there and re-train your mind and body to stop reacting to the point where you can ignore them and let them float in and then out of your mind. The medicine can help us practice the exposure therapy that is so needed for all of us. Sometimes I literally have to say to myself "Don't react" after an intrusion to remind myself of the proper way to deal with OCD.
Boxers1

Sad said:

Marc, I know exactly what you mean about obsessions changing just enough so that it gets us to react. It's like if we find one way to be comfortable with a thought, OCD has to find a new way to get us to react. It's really frustrating. I feel like if I could just shut off my emotions or emotional reaction to the thoughts, I would find a much easier time dealing with them!

Ruby I freaked out on the night of our wedding. The reality of what I had done (that makes it sound so bad!) really sunk in and my OCD went wild. I was in the bathroom crying because my OCD kept telling me I had made a mistake and now I was doomed and trapped in a marriage. What a difference therapy makes, but man, sometimes that OCD can really get you.

It's as if the emotions are what make the thoughts seem so real. After all, "If I feel it, it must be true," right? At least, that's what my OCD says.

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this happened to me after i had my kid and it lasted for two terrible weeks. the only thing that works for me is to keep living my life until it goes away. I had to tell myself "i know i love my son no matter how i think i feel." Eventually i get way too distracted to think about my feelings and then I realize that everything is a ok - that - I love my son more than i thought possible and want to spend every minute with hm.

Sad said:

I know we touched on this in a different thread, but I wanted to revisit it. It seems as though the biggest problem I have with my OCD are the bad feelings that accompany it. It seems as though these feelings are what make my thoughts seem true or valid. When an obsession or intrusive thought enters my mind, the first thing I do is try to check my feelings to see how I am reacting to that thought. If it's a bad feeling (which it normally is,) it's like it convinces me that my intrusive thoughts are true.

I really think that I could have an intrusive thought about turning into a pink elephant, and if my feelings made it feel like that were real, I would end up believing it!

I try to fight back with the "right" feelings to find some assurance or reassurance, but it fails most of the time.

So my question is, how does everyone deal with the feelings aspect of OCD? Yes, anxiety is a problem... but I'm also talking about those knot in your stomach, sinking feeling, I feel so bad this feels real type of feelings that happen with OCD.

I've been trying a few tactics.. one is just saying to myself "I have anxiety, I can live with it," and then try to move on. The other is reminding myself that OCD can produce these types of feelings... it seems as though OCD can manipulate my feelings into supporting my biggest fears.

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Hi Sad,
This is certainly the most difficult part of OCD. To be able to step back and seperate the awfulness of the feelings from the content of the spike. It is the feelings that make the spike seem so urgent, so dreadful.
I try to accept the anxiety as a proof that "this is not me - just my OCD". I think about the chemical misfiring that is happening in my brain in a very clinical way. Then I say or sing to myself, "feelings.. nothing more than feelings... so what."
Then I try to distract myself with another activity. This is very hard because the urge to ruminate is so strong.
My medication, Buspar, has definitely made it easier to ignore the feelings because it has dampened them down just enough to make them more bearable.
I also think that the amount of aerobic exercise I'm doing and the length of time I've done it consistently at this point has also really dampened down my anxiety.
Praying for you.
Mitzi

Hi...this is my first post on the forum...just wanted to say I can really relate to this. I really struggle with accepting it's the OCD...am trying to put into practice the 'it's not me it's OCD' approach but struggling. I get the reaction to the thought by varying degrees of awful feelings and I then don't know if they're maybe proving the thought is true. I wish I could work out what the difference is between a thought that's true causing anxiety and an OCD thought causing anxiety. Sorry...that's prolly very negative for a first post...hoping you're all doing OK...Rachel

Welcome Rachel. Thanks for sharing! I appreciate your honesty and the courage it took to have this be your first post!

RachelZ said:

Hi...this is my first post on the forum...just wanted to say I can really relate to this. I really struggle with accepting it's the OCD...am trying to put into practice the 'it's not me it's OCD' approach but struggling. I get the reaction to the thought by varying degrees of awful feelings and I then don't know if they're maybe proving the thought is true. I wish I could work out what the difference is between a thought that's true causing anxiety and an OCD thought causing anxiety. Sorry...that's prolly very negative for a first post...hoping you're all doing OK...Rachel

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Hi Rachel,
Welcome to the forum, I know that you will find it to be a source of great encouragement. For me it has been a true, "God send".
The dilemma of trying to distinguish what is an OCD thought/spike or a real/legitimate concern is a very common manifestation of OCD - most certainly because of the intense anxiety that accompanies it. I like what Dr. Philipson had to say about this in his article "rethinking the unthinkable" (www.ocdonline.com) :
"A foolproof litmus test for telling the difference is to ask yourself "Did the thought or question come with an associated anxiety, feeling of urgency or feelings of guilt? Ultimately it is wise to place such thoughts in the realm of OCD and make the CHOICE to accept the risk. When asked, 'What if it's not OCD', I say 'take the risk and live with the uncertainty.'"
This has been helpful to me in confirming that it's my OCD and once I know that I have to treat it accordingly by doing my level best to just ignore it no matter how big the emotional temper tantrum is in my head, gut and body.
All much easier said than done.
Praying for you,
Mitzi

Oh bless your heart Anna...that was so nice of you to post. They asked when I registered if I'd been reccomended by anyone and I didn't put you down cos I didn't now if you'd mind.

Thanks for reccomending it and for welcoming me...you're a real star...Rachel xx

Thanks Faithful Wife, really appreciate that and your other welcomes!!

Thanks For that Mitzi...I really liked your description of an emotional temper tantrum in your head, gut and body!! Yes Phillipson has written some great stuff...I think one of the things I struggle with and it's nice to have a Christian forum where you can say this...is not wanting to miss God and His inner conviction. The trouble is I think the OCD has really affected my relationship with Him as well. I've had a lot of guilt and feelings of waiting for Him to wapp me round the back of the head! And even reading the bible can be difficult. That and praying can result in real anxiety. I have a hard time telling now what's really God and what's not. It's a real shame cos I know He is the foundation and rock for everything...and I know He is love...I just have a hard time experiencing that. Sorry I've gone on again...hope none of that sounded irreverant...I really appreciated your reply...you don't know how comforting it is to have people relate to what I'm saying and to feel I can relate back. Thanks ever so much...Rachel

Trying to figure out what is actually ocd and what is legitimately from God's inner conviction is so difficult for me as well. Used to, if I didn't do what I thought was from God, I'd feel so guilty and fearful until I did do it. But then, I did it out of fear and not for the right reasons, which I would think was wrong too! The cycle can be endless. Now, I've seemed to learn so well to let the thoughts go that I think I ignore God's conviction completely, and then that messes with me as well. I get concerned over not feeling the spikes because then I think that I just must not care. I tell you, it can be limitless!

Rachel, I'm glad you decided to join us. It has definitely been a source I feel God has used to help me. God bless you!

Rebecca

Thank you Rebecca...I'm glad the post helped...I know I find it huge comfort when others can related to what I'm saying, even though I'm sorry for them that they are suffering too. Hope you're having a good day...take care, Rachel