Sibling sexual abuse

We have advice threads there, as this is just the intro forum. I'd say you got a good start on the situation, and the next thing you should do is talk to the parents yourself. Tell them they should remain calm, and not angry with this situation. They should be informed.

Thread moved from New Member Intros

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

Sorry to hear that your grandchildren are in this situation. It's so difficult to know what the right response should be.

I don't have any fantastic advice but I would suggest that you have another chat with your grandson before you do anything. Children his age don't just start doing things like that. It is highly probable that he has been sexually abused himself. When children do things like this it's because they have learned it from somewhere. I hope you can get it to the bottom of this.

As far as telling the parents, I would. This is a very serious situation. You can't be around your grandchildren all the time so it's essential that the parents know what is going on. I think you must just be honest with the father about what you fear his response may be.

I think that maybe you should phone a counselor and get some advice.

Praying for you and those children.

boy..what a hard situation. This isnt necessarily sexual abuse, it could be child's play. i know from some experiences from my childhood..gosh dont want to say too much ..pm me if you want and ill tell you more of what i think.

I agree that I wouldn't label it as sexual abuse. This sounds like it was consensual, and simply curiosity. They know it was wrong and hopefully won't do it again.

And welcome!

If that is happening- there is a very, very likely chance that there is sexual abuse in that boys life. Sounds like not a good dynmic between father and son. I think I would talk to the mother and see if I could get a read on the situation...and if through prayer didn't have peace about thaat interaction with mom, I would report it to Family services.

Due to the age difference (girl 5, boy 10) I personally would not see it as simple child play. If both children are very young, and the same age, and playing doctor or whatever, then that to me would fall more into child's play. But at the age of 10, I think a boy should know that it's not right to fondle your 5-yr-old sister. Although he is not an adult, 10 seems old enough to know that is wrong. And because of his age, I think it would be easier for him to coerce her than if they were both 5 or both 10.

I know someone who was sexually abused by a sibling. It was more severe, and there was a bigger age difference. The person is haunted by it to this day and goes to therapy for it. It turns out that the older sibling was molested AND also molested other kids in the neighborhood. This all came out later.

I do think the parents need to know...even if it does mean the 10 yr old gets in big trouble with the father. This is a hard question, but, in choosing, sometimes I think we have to say, well, who is the youngest, most vulnerable person in this position, who has to be protected the most? In this case, I think it's the 5 year old girl.

Also, the fact that she told you shows it's on her mind and she is troubled by it.

You are in a tough position.

One more thought...if this is happening when the boy is 10...what is going to happen when he hits puberty? It could go from touching to more. So I do think this has to be dealt with now, among the whole family.

It's just that I have seen the lifelong effects this can have. Leading to suicidal thoughts later in life, trouble with relationships, body image issues, etc. If, when you tell them, you could have a few names of some good therapists on hand, that would be good too. Or books (I'm not sure which ones, there are probably several out there about this subject).

joslyn said:

Due to the age difference (girl 5, boy 10) I personally would not see it as simple child play.

Click to expand...

Hi Snockums,

I agree 100%. And age difference has nothing to do with it when one sibling has control or power over the other. I feel more concerned for your granddaughter than I do your grandson. For I too was sexually molested by my older brother when I was a child and again as a teenager. Didn't feel at the time like I could tell a soul. It warped my head and when I finally opened up about it later in life, I got blamed and accused of leaving out details and that "maybe something happened, but, not that".

Like someone would make that up? I don't think so. Please get your grandson out of that home. Get your granddaughter into counseling now. She doesn't need to worry about retaliation from her brother! If he scares her enough and she doesn't get the protection she deserves... she will feel like "why tell anyone again they don't care." See what I am talking about here?

Better to stop it now than to have a grandson a few years older in jail with a Sexual Predator rap. Better to stop it now than to have a granddaughter with Mental Health issues like major anxiety and depression. Please stop this... she didn't come to you for no reason!

Take care

Hi again,

Here is a phone number for RAINN (Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network). 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

Please tell them your situation and that you need a local crisis center that you can talk with about the situation. They will respect your privacy and you can gather information to help you further help your granddaughter. Please, you know in your heart you need to do something about this now!

Take care