I dont blame ya PeacefulDove, this is practically the only thread theres no bickering.
GT isnt where I get my loving fellowship, I have my own private forums for that You weren't looking for that (here) were ya? I consider you a pretty smart woman, please tell me you were not
I know theres but a handful I feel "some sort of" bond with but thats not with the majority for sure.
Do you wanna know honestly why I come here (for the most part?) This is where I feel driven to be tested (or proved rather) by being struck (certainly not loved) not by most anyway. Even as it pertains to myself (on this course) I desire to find out where I (personally) fall short and make my own corrections especially when I rise to the many occassions (this place affords us). Its here one can best test their reflexes (or knee jerk reactions) to things. So I'm not talking about debate skills (or winning one) either but whats in my heart (and what attitude shows itself and which one I will chose to run with (at any given time).
What a sight to observe are my inner reactions to pride, attacks, approaches, reproahes, traps, provocation, attitudes etc. I am forced to examine myself constantly (here) because theres always something present to provoke a reaction negatvely (rather then provoke to love). Now... I cant do that from where I come from because its all too lovely there.
"Here" is just perfect for "that"
So I come here (for the most part) to test (or prove) my own ability and add to what I learn concerning myself as that is brought out of me through others. Hopefully (as I increase in Him) I desire to love (more perfectly) those I might not sense any love coming back my way through. Im excited about learning to love (not about winning debates) thats not my objective though it does appear to be one of the bigger objectives "here" huh?
I dont do this perfectly, but thats one reason why I am here, and specifically because its not paradise but the contrary of it.
Not to mention my communication skills do stink (thats certainly no secret lol). I do hope this improves being here. Being surrounded by many perspectives (and approaches) sometimes helps that too.
I'm not particulary interested in debate for "debates sake" or being top dog for God in any such way trust me LOL To win for the sake of winning and proving I am right makes no sense though many skilled in "trip ups" rewording things to trap others have more (by way of that in them). Cold and calculating is the icy feeling that comes through. Seeing that makes me very afraid I'll turn into that where pride or ego could blind me to such an entent I cannot see it in myself (lose the pure goal) and trade it in for something of that sort. Its rare (for me anyway) to meet an intellectical (logical) sorta debater on these boards where I perceive any sorta love life or joy in. Or so it appears.
But I do need to learn how to talk on a different level then what Im accustomed as I do with my other freinds. So coming here was a hard switch for me, I felt I was on another planet when I first came CF
I dont understand "men speak" well and I thought forcing myself (to try here) would let me catch a little bit of it... but honestly theres so darn much of it, I gave up on that particular quest in trying to
So I come to get struck (or rather I take the attitude to expect it) that I might answer kindly in return and learn how to communicate (and not strike back). Because if I love those who love me what reward have I right?
Earlier in my walk I thought that sorta thing would occur outside of religion but I find more and more its not the world outside of religion that strikes others its the world within it that does. That which thinks its doing God a service (not disservice).
I think we can all sense some truth in that, at least I can. No one needs an ounce of discernment to see the obvious. The lack of love (one toward another) can be seen more clearly here.
So... I dont come here for any comfort of love, hoping for fellowship, or to receive any edification (or anything good for that matter) I never honestly expected it. No expectation, no dissapointment huh? BUT I confess, I am more then pleasantly surprised when I DO find it (as rare as that is).
I go elsewhere for the things I need and long for in those who bathe me in the love and light of God and through whom I receive much comfort (and benefit) in Christ. Knowing where it "is" and where it "isnt" (after fruit) but both can work ~for~ ya when taking the right attitude towards it. To the one (a bridle) and a bit of restraint, with the other the love of God constrains you.
So... I sure cant blame ya there sis, but I do hope you stop on by (from time to time) to say hi, if only on this thread (once in awhile). I will miss you being here PeacefulDove but I cant say I blame ya at all, I completely understand.
Love you in Him
You know where we are at
Fireinfolding