Specifically for the ladies: women and having kids

indra_fanatic · Oct 3, 2007

Just a question, and I know I have asked this in various forms before, but...

how many women here don't want (their own) children and are able to have them (i.e. are not infertile or at high risk)?

OR

How many women ONLY want to adopt?

OR

How many women don't care either way?

Tink · Oct 3, 2007

I don't care either way.

Edit: BUT I do want kids. I just don't care if they are biological or adopted.

alfrodull · Oct 3, 2007

I don't want kids. There are many reasons for this:

1. I grew up in an abusive home and wouldn't know where to start when it came to being a good parent.
2. The world is over-populated.
3. Even if the earth had infinite space and resources, I wouldn't wish my genetics on anybody.
4. I don't like kids or go crazy over friends' babies like most other girls my age seem to.
5. I'd rather have the flexibility to move around in case God called my future husband or I somewhere new.

I could probably go on, but those are the main reasons.

Trashionista · Oct 3, 2007

I debate between having 2 kids or the DINK fantasy.

I don't want to adopt. Or I don't have any plans.
And... as far as I know, at this point, I do not have issues with getting pregnant nor would I be high risk.

Granted, I haven't been trying to conceive.

I'm split on kids. Depends on my mood.

Keri · Oct 3, 2007

When I'm going through emotional crap, I have these crazy urges to get pregnant and have a kid... but I think it's because I desire to nurture something because I feel like I have no control over nurturing myself and my emotions being out of wack...

If my future husband and I decide to have kids, then that's what will happen, if not... then that's ok too.

septemberskies · Oct 3, 2007

I'm not sure if I want children

Gardener101 · Oct 3, 2007

It's very important to me to have children. That's the only reason I am still in the dating game. Need to find the husband

JonMiller · Oct 3, 2007

A lot of girls I know who had no interest in children suddenly got interested in their 30s.

JM

Gardener101 · Oct 3, 2007

mjona3 said:
A lot of girls I know who had no interest in children suddenly got interested in their 30s.

JM

Maybe they went to a hospice and wept as they saw the elderly and infirm, all alone, struggling without the kind of wonderful support network you can get from children and grand children when you are old and grey and have lost your spouse and best friends to old age etc.

I mean....

Why have this:

When you can have this:

?

radhead · Oct 3, 2007

Hopefully, women don't get married just to have kids.

Gardener101 · Oct 3, 2007

radhead said:
Hopefully, women don't get married just to have kids.

Ouch!

savvy · Oct 3, 2007

I do not want children. I value my own free time and sanity too much for that. And I will admit that I am unwilling to sacrifice my freedom, my finances, or anything else in order to raise a kid. I would make a great auntie (I could give them back after a few hours!) but a terrible mother. I can't even picture myself in a nurturing sort of situation. I would never have children just so I won't be old alone...there are no guarantees that they will live to take care of me, or that they would be willing to do so in the first place.
Also the whole concept of pregnancy repulses and horrifies me. No way is something going to infest my insides and steal my nutrients! And then it has to come out...*shudder* I really wish I could have my ovaries cut out right now

So if I ever go crazy and want one, it'll be adoption for me. Lots of kids out there with no families, why would I want to go and make another one?? I would adopt an older child at any rate, because I have trouble seeing infants and small children as people.

Manda_24 · Oct 3, 2007

radhead said:
Hopefully, women don't get married just to have kids.

I do want to get married and have kids but that's not the only reason. I want to spend the rest of my life with someone that I love and just have that relationship that only a husband and a wife can have. As far back as I can remember I've always wanted to have kids and I've never doubted it at all.

emmanemena · Oct 4, 2007

Manda_24 said:
I do want to get married and have kids but that's not the only reason. I want to spend the rest of my life with someone that I love and just have that relationship that only a husband and a wife can have. As far back as I can remember I've always wanted to have kids and I've never doubted it at all.

I'm the same and I want several kids not just one or two.

Gardener101 · Oct 4, 2007

Manda_24 said:
I do want to get married and have kids but that's not the only reason. I want to spend the rest of my life with someone that I love and just have that relationship that only a husband and a wife can have. As far back as I can remember I've always wanted to have kids and I've never doubted it at all.

Yes, that too, but the thing is, my life is currently a mess, and ideally I should STAY AWAY from dating until things are more stable, but with the clock ticking on my womb, a girl has got to get back in there...kwim?

JonMiller · Oct 4, 2007

There are biological urges to have kids...

That being said, today's captalistic society doesn't encourage having kids because it isn't economically advangateous.

That is why the weathly only have 0-2 kids while the poor have larger numbers (we have an economic net at the bottom which stops the economic reassons from being as large of factors for the poor). There are of course exceptions, generally because of religion/cultural issues.

It costs amazing amounts of money to raise a kid, and far to often they don't do much of anything for you late in life (we have a very individualist culture at least in the US, and familes often don't keep good contact... so it doesn't make as much economic sense to invest in them).

JM
(talks to his siblings as rarely as once every couple years)

Alenci · Oct 4, 2007

For years I REALLY wanted to adopt. I felt that was kind of a calling. Thought I shouldn't bring more children into the world, just bring children into my home. I had all kinds of unpleasant, judgmental things to say about the people who chose to spend thousands of dollars on fertility treatments. Then one day someone told me it was practically impossible to adopt unless the couple couldn't have children naturally, and that sort of burst my "yay adoption" bubble. I didn't mind too much because I wondered how I was ever going to find a husband who shared that desire to adopt anyway, though I trusted God would bring me one.

No matter which way God choses to bless me with children, I'll love them just the same.

Gardener101 · Oct 4, 2007

JonMiller · Oct 4, 2007

Alenci said:
For years I REALLY wanted to adopt. I felt that was kind of a calling. Thought I shouldn't bring more children into the world, just bring children into my home. I had all kinds of unpleasant, judgmental things to say about the people who chose to spend thousands of dollars on fertility treatments. Then one day someone told me it was practically impossible to adopt unless the couple couldn't have children naturally, and that sort of burst my "yay adoption" bubble. I didn't mind too much because I wondered how I was ever going to find a husband who shared that desire to adopt anyway, though I trusted God would bring me one.

No matter which way God choses to bless me with children, I'll love them just the same.

It's not too hard to adopt. Several of my siblings are adopted. Know thought that the people who really need adopting, are mixed up and have serious emotional and other issues.

Besides the fact that many of them have phsical issues relating to parents drug abuse. Babies without issues you will wait a long time for...

And it is very important to love your children just the same, I have seen adopted children have a harder time because of this issue (when they already had enough trouble). It is difficult though (even if all your children are biological).

JM

Alenci · Oct 4, 2007

mjona3 said:
It's not too hard to adopt. Several of my siblings are adopted. Know thought that the people who really need adopting, are mixed up and have serious emotional and other issues.

Besides the fact that many of them have phsical issues relating to parents drug abuse. Babies without issues you will wait a long time for...

And it is very important to love your children just the same, I have seen adopted children have a harder time because of this issue (when they already had enough trouble). It is difficult though (even if all your children are biological).

JM

Well, I wouldn't adopt more than one child with emotional or physical difficulties. But they need homes too. And besides, if I had kids naturally, I don't know what I would be getting - at least adoption has that benefit. I would need to feel specifically called to it though. My cousin and his wife were foster parents for a short time (before having their own children - possibly a bad idea?) and it was a trying experience.

Could adopt foreign kids... asian babies are the cutest darn things on the planet!

I think I heard that that paperwork is horrendous though, and the waiting is like two years or something. And I always thought I'd feel guilty yanking a kid out of the culture and language they were raised in and causing them to lose their heritage... even for the sake of better living conditions.

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