How much is a parent obligated to participate in a child's wedding?

I don't think they are obligated in anyway.

My parents always told me I had to pay for my own wedding and I did. They paid for the dress which was a really nice gesture. There is no way I would have expected them to pay for the whole thing. Its kinda selfish.

Tradition has it that the brides parents pay for the majority of it. But that's tradition, and not everyone follows tradition anymore.

My daughter payed for half her wedding. It was close to the $10,000 range, so I was pretty glad of it.

But yes, the parents can set limits. Just make sure you let them know from the get go what you'll be paying for so they don't start running up the bill.

Oh, and don't say that just because you and your wife paid $50 for your wedding, that that's all you'll pay for your childrens. Every little girl/and some guys dream of a nice wedding.

I don't think parents should have to feel obligated to pay for their daughter's wedding. Having two daughters of my own, I think that it's fair to say that we plan on helping out some...but I also think it's fair to say that we won't be sponsoring some exercise in extravegance, either.

Hopefully we're raising our daughters to be more modest than to expect something like that, anyway.

This is the one reason why I'm not married. Money. I don't believe in Justice of the Peace weddings..they are too impersonal and I want beautiful memories. Yet I cannot afford to put out grand amounts of money. So I will just stay engaged for a few years.
My parents won't pay for my wedding because of my choice of guy, yet they paid everything for my sister's 250,000.00+ wedding. (yes there are some hurt feelings here)
As for what I think a parent's role is, I think its nice when they provide a wedding, however I would never expect them to pay the full amount of the total bill. I believe that If you are getting married, then it's your responsibility to cover most the costs. If you can't do that, then are you financially responsible enough to be married?!

When my husband and I were planning our weddijng all that was importnat to us was that we were married in the eyes of God and legally but that didn't mean we didn't *want* it to be special

My parents and I sat down and I asked the question (to explain I don't have the best relationship with my folks) "are you going to pay for any of the wedding?" they said of course (which was a surprise) but then in time we sat down and came up with budgets for everything from the cost of the food at the hotel (and how many guests) to the music. In some places we made compromises because we were adament on a celidh band (whoich are really rather expensive) but my parents didn't want to pay that much just for music so we went halves.

we did lots of things ourselves to keep down costs for my parents (such as designing and printing all our own stationary)

Was a great day though and most importantly I was married in front of God, family and friends

Jay

fuzzymel said:

I don't think they are obligated in anyway.

My parents always told me I had to pay for my own wedding and I did. They paid for the dress which was a really nice gesture. There is no way I would have expected them to pay for the whole thing. Its kinda selfish.

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Same here. My parents didn't contribute financially to our wedding, but they did help us organize and decorate the reception hall, which was really nice. We wouldn't have wanted it any other way, it was our wedding, and I never expected my parents to pay for it. And we didn't get into debt for it, it was a simple and affordable wedding, but still very nice.

We were both working full time, and my parents were getting ready to retire, so we paid for the entire wedding. 2 weeks before, my parents informed us that they were paying for the dinner (we did a noon reception).

DH's parents wrote of his education bills. It was a huge gift.

Autumnleaf said:

How much? Money, sewing, etc... Is there a line?

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The question should be "How much to the parents want to contribute?"

I can't see an obligation as appropriate anymore. Even in the past, many parents couldn't afford much.

My wife and I spent less than $300 on our wedding. Almost all of that was food as we paid for the in-the-church-basement dinner.

Traditionally the bride's parents pay for most of the wedding. I think it is a wonderful gift to your child on what should be one of the most important days of their lives.

We gave my daughter a budget of 15,000, and told her anything over that, her and her new husband would have to pay for themselves.

I was very proud of her beautiful wedding, and the fact that she managed to come in about 2,000 dollars under budget.

If we can help in anyway we will but I will not be footing the bill for a fairy tale wedding. IMO it is way more about the marriage than the wedding.

Considering we're in a world now where women aren't pushed into marriages and where they can work for themselves, etc, I don't think the "obligation" comes into play any more.

Though there are certainly families who follow tradition anyway and pay for their daughters' (or sons') weddings. And I think that's their choice and a nice gesture, but certainly not an obligation.

My parents didn't even get us a wedding present. And I'm glad. They're poor, and all I want is for them to be happy for me and love my husband like a son.

Our wedding cost $90 (a bit more if you count the license). We had 4 guests and got married in a beautiful place by a Justice of the Peace. My husband and I saw no need to start our married life in debt.

I'm sure if I had kids and I were able I would want to help a considerable amount. I'd let them know as soon as they started planning how much I had for them to use, and that would be that.

c1ners said:

Every little girl/and some guys dream of a nice wedding.

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I get tired of the generalization that every little girl has some dream wedding in their mind. Some do, yes. Maybe even more than half. But there are plenty of us that have never had such dreams.

When I didn't have a traditional wedding, sooooo many people came up to me and said, "What about your dream wedding?" all sadly. And I was like, "You mean the one where I marry a man that I love and who loves me? It happened." But an equal number of people came up to me and said they had wanted a simple wedding, too, but family and social pressure made them spend more and invite more people than they had wanted.

thecakediva said:

This is the one reason why I'm not married. Money. I don't believe in Justice of the Peace weddings..they are too impersonal and I want beautiful memories.

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Just so you know -- you can get a friend to be endowed with JOP powers (how would you say that?) for a day, and then have the service wherever and however you want. It's not impersonal then, and it costs the same as a JOP wedding. I considered having my best friend perform the wedding instead of the JOP, but decided against it.

Also, even with the JOP we were in a beautiful setting in a rotunda at the top of a huge, beautiful staircase. Gorgeous stuff for $90.

In an ideal world where we can afford it I would love to give my little girl a pretty wedding.... but I'm not sure we will be able to afford it.

My parents paid for my wedding and my honeymoon (lucky ducky, I know!). I am my dad's only daughter and so he gave us a "set amount" to spend. We plan on sending my parents on a nice trip once my husband graduates from college to repay them.

I think the only thing the parents should be required of is a blessing and an excited attitude towards the whole thing. My wedding was paid for, but neither parent ever said congratulations through the whole process which would have meant more to me.

None so whatever....

hub and I paid for our own...

Though both our parents (his parents, my mom and my siblings helped out a great deal by making food and renting the hall doing invites etc...)

c1ners said:

....Every little girl/and some guys dream of a nice wedding.

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Speak for yourself, I hated weddings as a kid, I still dislike big fancy weddings. Itchy dresses, uncomfortable shoes, having to be all prim and stuffy, ick.

But, yeah, it is nice if you can help your kids if that is what they really want.

My parents paid for my wedding (it was around 10k, pretty cheap for a wedding these days!) and used their frequent flier miles to help us buy plane tickets for our honeymoon as a wedding present. I didn't ask my parents to do that; they offered. And I think part of it is that I'm an only child so this was the only time my mom would ever get to "do" a wedding. They could also afford it, so it was no burden to them. So I got to spend my savings on a down payment for our house.

Another thing that was awesome was that both of our parents let us do things the way we wanted to, they didn't force us to do anything they wanted. This was especially rare since my parents both paid for it but let us choose everything. It seems like I constantly hear of parents that make their kids do what they want for their wedding, which I really don't understand. Didn't the parents get a shot at choosing everything they wanted, at THEIR wedding?

I think it really is up to the parents if they want to contribute or not; they're not obliged to give anything (I feel the same way about college education). But if they decide to give, it should be no strings attached: they should not force their kid to do anything in their wedding as a quid-pro-quo (and if they do this, the kid should decline unless they really don't care about the quid-pro-quo item). And if the kid is paying for their own wedding, the parents have no reason to have any say.

Mskedi said:

Considering we're in a world now where women aren't pushed into marriages and where they can work for themselves, etc, I don't think the "obligation" comes into play any more.

Though there are certainly families who follow tradition anyway and pay for their daughters' (or sons') weddings. And I think that's their choice and a nice gesture, but certainly not an obligation.

My parents didn't even get us a wedding present. And I'm glad. They're poor, and all I want is for them to be happy for me and love my husband like a son.

Our wedding cost $90 (a bit more if you count the license). We had 4 guests and got married in a beautiful place by a Justice of the Peace. My husband and I saw no need to start our married life in debt.

I'm sure if I had kids and I were able I would want to help a considerable amount. I'd let them know as soon as they started planning how much I had for them to use, and that would be that.

I get tired of the generalization that every little girl has some dream wedding in their mind. Some do, yes. Maybe even more than half. But there are plenty of us that have never had such dreams.

When I didn't have a traditional wedding, sooooo many people came up to me and said, "What about your dream wedding?" all sadly. And I was like, "You mean the one where I marry a man that I love and who loves me? It happened." But an equal number of people came up to me and said they had wanted a simple wedding, too, but family and social pressure made them spend more and invite more people than they had wanted.

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I agree. I see no obligation for parents to contribute financially, as many couples have two incomes nowadays, and wait longer to get married. I didn't have a very traditional wedding either, but it was definitely my dream wedding, to the man of my dreams. Dream weddings can be very affordable, and with affordable I mean under 2500 US dollar; ours was even cheaper - still we had about 170 guests. (For us, 10,000 would most definitely NOT have been cheap! )

moonkitty said:

Speak for yourself, I hated weddings as a kid, I still dislike big fancy weddings. Itchy dresses, uncomfortable shoes, having to be all prim and stuffy, ick.

But, yeah, it is nice if you can help your kids if that is what they really want.

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Oh I am the same!

I hated it but I did it because my dh wanted a 'proper' wedding. I was more than happy to get married by an Elvis impersonator in Las Vegas (that has been my dream wedding since I was a child).