Weddings vs Eloping

Weddings can be so difficult, what with trying to make everyone happy and have a good time. Everyone has rigid expectations of what a wedding should be like (more like a coronation, it seems), and even if you plan "the perfect wedding," people still find some reason to complain ("Oh, did you see she had yellow cake instead of white cake!?").

Eloping with the families' blessings is okay, IMHO.

I think the line from my daughter's future MIL that irked me the most was that she wanted presents from all these people.

HUH?

I don't believe in the idea of registering for gifts, or that people "owe" you a gift for attending your wedding. I've even heard about brides or bride's mothers who estimate the value of the gift and then compare it to how much the sit-down reception cost. If the gift didn't cover the cost, the "guest" got a BILL.

A wedding and a reception are a celebration of the marriage. Period. You witness the vows, and then you have fun afterwards. Put a boombox on a picnic bench in the park, serve Kool-Aid and cupcakes, for crying out loud!

If you have to depend on the generosity of others to furnish your home, then maybe you shouldn't get married yet. Work and EARN your own possessions. (or rip off as much as you can from mom and dad, LOL)

Three cheers for your daughter, Lily!


Peace,
~VOW

LOL, do you know how much a full-scale wedding (in church, respectable reception, everyone invited-their travel and lodging expenses paid also, and everyone with relatively few complaints) costs here? Anywhere from $20,000 to $50,000.

To have the "perfect wedding" in California, if you aren't from a rich family, means paying back loans for 10 years. I'd do that if I had to (if my mother wanted me to LOL) but otherwise I would prefer a smaller ceremony to foolishly wasting thousands of dollars on gold-embossed invitations and dinner napkins made from silk.

I had a nice church wedding in 1994 with a cake and cheese and crackers and punch reception, all for the low, low price of $1500.00. That included flowers, cake, food, gifts, payments, invitations, my dress, a couple bridesmaid dresses, everything was paid out of my pocket except for rehearsal dinner which his parents treated us to. Where we really spent the wad was on the honeymoon--a much better expenditure of money if you ask me (or if you don't ask me). No one remembers the chicken dinner anyway.

Elopement with the parents blessing is fine in my book!

To Susan:

NO WAY would I pay out $20,000 to $30,000 for a wedding, even if I was as rich as God. It goes against everything I believe in.

Before I'd do that, I'd drive my daughter to Las Vegas and GAMBLE the $20,000 away.

FYI, I live in the heart of Southern California!

My God, the payments would last longer than most marriages!

I got married in 1974. My wedding dress cost $20. My mother bought the fabric and made it. The most extravagant thing I did was get married 75 miles away from home, and then we all had to drive back to my parents' house for the reception. My aunt made the cake.

I personally didn't give a squirt if I got a single gift. I was just pleased to have the people I loved and cared about share in my happiness. I PERSONALLY would have eloped, but my husband wanted to watch my father walk me down the aisle.

$30,000. My God.



Peace,
~VOW

I wouldn't mind if anyone eloped--and I know that looking at your bridesmaids dresses in the wrong color six weeks before the wedding certainly will make you wish that you were. Mind you, having the dresses made takes 6 weeks--on rush order.

lol, though that was probably the worst day regarding wedding planning for us.

I was just married 2 months ago, and our wedding cost a bundle--but it was perfect. My grandfather married us, and everyone in our wedding party was part of our family--either brothers or cousins. We wrote our own vows and designed our entire wedding ceremony. A beautiful day, simply gorgeous and we were married in a beautiful garden. I could go on and on, but I'll spare you! heehee. My mom says she's still on the look-out for good wedding ideas--the planning habit is hard to break!

We were given many nice things (and we had a registry) but if we'd been given hugs and kisses that would have been more than enough. My mother took the opportunity (and let me tell, you we're thankful!) of "dumping" the living room furniture on us--then she had to get new stuff, of course.

You can have a "perfect" wedding for much less than $20,000 (mine didn't cost $20,000--and it was pretty extravagent)--don't believe all the hype. Finally, no matter how cliched it sounds--what matters is the love and blessings that surround you and your betrothed as you commit yourselves to one another for the rest of your lives. That's what makes your wedding beautiful. 

Because when you're actually there, all you see is your soon-to-be husband--you don't notice what things look like.  All the flowers on the tables could have been dead, and I wouldn't have given a hoot on my wedding day.  You don't taste the food (if you get to eat) and you don't really want to stick around all that long at the reception. 

--tibac

:: sigh ::

There are too few perfect marriages these days.

To Tibac:

what matters is the love and blessings that surround you and your betrothed as you commit yourselves to one another for the rest of your lives.

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AMEN!

Because when you're actually there, all you see is your soon-to-be husband--you don't notice what things look like.

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Double AMEN. I tell folks I had to look at my wedding pictures to see what a good time I had.

Elope. Spend $100, max. If you are still married in ten years, THEN throw a huge party.


Peace be with you,
~VOW

Weddings can be sooooo expensive.

But there are so many ways you can cut costs. Not being cheap in doing it, but doing stuff with things you already have.

Like having someone you know take care of arranging flowers. They know who the good places are to get flowers and know where/when you can get good deals on stuff. And like LilyLamb said, having friends and family take the pictures/video. If you know someone who makes dresses, you can get them to make the perfect dress...just the way YOU want.

If I ever get married, those are some of the things I'm going to try to do at my wedding.

But also to help defray from the cost my parents have been putting money away in a separate savings account for me since I started working full-time.  While I'm living under their roof, I pay them rent...$50 a week, and that money goes into this account and doesn't get touched at all.  I know some kids think it's mean of their parents to charge "rent" but because of what they're doing with my rent money, I actually don't mind...because it's money I know will be used for 1 specific purpose only. 

Originally posted by VOW

I tell folks I had to look at my wedding pictures to see what a good time I had.

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Isn't that true!  I spent so much time thinking about how I wanted the arrangements on the tables--and had to wait til we got the pictures back to see what they really looked like!  I saw *one* of them at my actual reception.  I remember thinking--ooh, didn't that turn out pretty, I wonder how the others look.  Well that's a lie, I didn't have time to form a thought that long because hubby and I were running all over the place, hugging family, chatting with friends, and taking a zillion pictures.  Not believing what was really happening, just insanely happy.

We didn't even get a whole piece of wedding cake until we got home from our honeymoon!  My parents assured me that it was much better a week earlier.

Although I loved my wedding, and wouldn't trade it for the world, I think your idea of eloping and having a big party in 10 years is neat.

--tibac

My daughter's favorite store in the whole world is the 99-cent Only store. Her second-favorite is Big Lots! (formerly Pic-N-Save). She doesn't CARE if stuff looks "cheap." She's totally turned on to the idea of saving money (learned that from her mother, LOL, I'm so PROUD!), and we've even kidded about having her "register" at the 99-cent Only store and at Big Lots!

I've been married 28 years. I'll bet you a thousand dollars my husband can't tell you what foods were served at our reception. I'll bet you another thousand that people can't remember whether our cake was a white cake or a yellow cake. Folks will remember the CHURCH, because it's all glass situated on the Pacific coast, overlooking the ocean. They might even remember it was FOGGY that day. (I cried, LOL) And they might remember the long drive back to my parents' house.

If my parents had spent $10,000 on my wedding, what would we have remembered?

I've heard of people who put flowers on the end of each pew. Why?

If you really have a need to spend money, put it all on a decent photographer. The pictures you have of the bride and groom, especially with the attendants and the family members are the real keepsakes.


Peace be with you,
~VOW

My husband & I got married at the court house. It was our parents, brothers, sisters and one close friend that attended. Then we all went out to a nice dinner afterwards. Hubby & I did go on a short honeymoon. We saved our money to buy a house. I don't regret not having a "real" wedding.