sever ocd

the ocd really does have a physical effect on me. i just sit around so tense because of the bad thoughts that come in my head. and even when im not getting tha bad thoughts im so tense because i know that a bad thought is going to come.

i am single and i have no kids. i teach drums full time but my goal is to be touring and recording full time. i have been a devout Christian since i was 18 years old. i was saved when i was 13 or 18. i say this because i first came to the lord when i 13 but backslid when i was 15 until i was 18. so depending on how a person believes i was saved when i was 13 or 18 ( when i was 18 is when i came back or its when i got saved to start with).
im still having a very rough time and i still need your prayers.

i really dont know how to cope with these bad thoughts that come all the time. i want to be able to say that they are not me and they are just the ocd but i get so confused. as is its very hard to make it through the day because of the thoughts and feeling like im doing and saying awful things. i even have had bad thoughts come into my mind as i have been typing this.
how can i get my life back on track to where this ocd does not rule me?

my ocd has been very sever tonight. i keep having these awful balsphemous thoughts and these bursts of rage with blasphemous thoughts that i cant control.
i was trying to eat something a bit ago and things were so bad that i jusr flew off the handle and thought something awful about God. i have ben begging for forgivenss for the sin and im praying that God will forgive me. im trying to believe in faith that god will forgive me even though i have awful thoughts and feelings when im asking for forgiveness.
as i was tryingto read my bible and a christian book called hearing God i had all this stuff bad coming at me. the thoughts and emotions were so bad i had to stop reading the book hearing God.
things are just so bad. i wish i could just blow my head off and go to heaven. i dont know how to cope with these awful thoughts and emotions.
plese pray for me.

i get these surges of uncontrollable rage and when i do i get the worst thoughts. i really need prayer for this. i dont know why it keeps happening but its happening all the time now. its hard to pray a lot of times because of the rage and the thoughts that come with the rage.
when the rage and thoughts ahppen i get these feelings that try to turn me against god. i would imagine that this is demonic, but it could also be the ocd.
i know that i do get angry because of whats happing to me but the rage and thoughts are just way out of hand.

gracealone said:

Hey Drummingman,
No demonic activity here, just a really rotten case of a very real mental disorder called OCD of the pure "O" kind.
You really need to see a professional buddy. When my daughter in law didn't have any medical insurance she was still able to get help. The Docs. gave her sample meds. so she didn't have to pay for them and her appts. were covered by medicare.
It's so important to be very honest and transparent when speaking to any Dr. about your disorder. You have to describe the thoughts and the effects they have on you in order for a Dr. to get the real picture that you have OCD.
I mentioned before about the exposure/response technique of just letting the thoughts be there without fighting them.
Every time a thought comes and you turn your attention to it it becomes more firmly imbedded in your brain.
Remember that the intense anxiety that the thoughts create are proof that they are OCD and not valid.
If you begin to debate and argue with them or try to prove them wrong or solve them they plague you all the more.
I will continue to pray for you that you will get the help and therapy you need.
Are you on any medication at all for your OCD? It can help dampen down the anxiety response to the point where it can be easier to do the therapy.
It was very hard for me to go on meds., as I was terrified of them, but now I'm thankful that I did.
Blessings,
Mitzi

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i am on meds and they are helping. but meds always stop working so i know that they are not the answer.
im looking for a doc right now that will really help me with the cbt erp. i have called one and im waiting for him to call me back by the 9th. he is out until then.
i do try to let the thoughts come and night fight them but its very hard to do. i tense up, hurting my arm and sometimes my face, automatically. i dont want to tense up because of what its doing to my body but i cant stop myself. its like flinching when someone swings at you.
i also have the problem of saying and doing things to try to block out the blasphemous thoughts. then a lot of the times whatever i say or do is used against me in my mind and then i feel like i said or did something awful. so then i feel like i have to deal with saying or doing something awful by begging for forgivness for whatever i said or did.
the fact is that i cant control the rage and the blasphemous thoughts and the rage and blasphemous thoughts when they come together. but most of the time i feel 100% responsible. its hrad to let the thoughts and rage go when you feel responsible for the rage and blasphemous thoughts.
i want to help myself as much as i can. i want to do the therapy that is really going to help me. i want to beat my ocd to where it cant rule my life and i dont ever want the ocd to have this kind of power over me again. i know that i need help to be able to beat my ocd so im hoping that i can find a good therapist that is willing to work with me because my ocd is very ingrained in my behavior. i need a therapist that is not going to give up on me just because i am a hard case.
with all this said i want to say that tonight has gone really good and i praise jesus for that!!!!!!!!!! i got to hang out with some friends and i also got to listen to music tonight which was awesome!!!!!!! im always thankful when things go good!!!!!!!
i still do need all of your prayers though. i want to beat this ocd so that i can have a good life and so i can be effective for god and so i can achieve my dreams and goals. i believe that if i can get the ocd under control and if nothing else bad happens that i can do well in my life. and when i say bad i mean mentally and emotionally or physically.

im still having the worst thoughts. i beg for god to forgive me and take me back when i have these thoughts.
i told you all about the rage and the blasphemous thoughts that come with the rage. that is what happened tonight. i am trying to believe in faith that no matter even if it was me that thought the blasphemous thoughts, even if i did it on purpose which i pray i did not, god will forgive me.
im also still having pain in my left arm from tensing up all the time because of the blasphemous thoughts. i know that what im supposed to do is let the thoughts come and not fight them because fighting them makes them worse, but its very hard not to fight them. and by tensing up i try to drive the thoughts out of my head. most of the time im able to drive the blasphemous thoughts out by tensing up but by tensing up and fighting the thoughts i make the thoughts worse and i end up hurting my arm and leg.
today had its good and its bad.
please pray for me.

thnaks jay and grace.
jay, thankfully im able to pay for my meds. but thank you so much for the offer of help. that really means a lot.
as is im still having the thoughts and feelings that cause me so much pain. its very hard to deal with the thoughts and feelings a lot of the time. im aslo still tensing up and hurting my arm and my face. its just so hard to not do these things.
thank you all for your prayers.

is that because God not telling you he loved you he was not reinforcing your compulsions of getting reassurance?