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Are You High, Low or Level? (2)

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Bunn

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I was so high yesterday. Running on minimal sleep but had so much energy. Couldn't stop talking really fast. Thoughts were just flowing. I felt really good.

But then I began to crash. And now I'm low again. I hit my low hard too.

No motivation. Shaky. Headaches. Just feel like crap.
 
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Jeshu

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Low....emotional

My Dad's condition is getting much worse.

I've just learned that the big "C" might be a part of my life.

Falling back into some old habits.
Praying for you, your father and the rest of the family.
 
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Auston

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I do not know exactly if I am high or low. I just know that my anger and issues of rejection, percieved or otherwise, are venting. After a nice reprieve of levelness from my meds I find myself feeling I am going manic; but accompanied with hurt, tears, and an emptiness, so maybe depressive. Thoughts of giving up, and entertaining suicide, have not been far away as I just want the emotional pain to be done. Who would care anyway? Even though I know many would, but for some reason I cannot accept their caring.

I am desperately trying to figure out the wounds from my young years, but I cannot. It feels like a gaping hole in my being. I am trying to fill it with something. It seems to be gender derived as that is the only thing that is really important to me.

I guess you could say I am hurting today. I know the only one who can heal my wounds is Jesus Christ. It is in fear, and it is with trembling that I await his touch, yet it seems he still wants me to walk through the dark valley. I am sure he is with me, but my god, sometimes it doesn't feel like it. I have seperated myself from those closest to me so I really have no one else to hang onto except him. Yet I am looking for someone in the flesh to fill that gap.

Sorry, for the long post, I just needed to let someone know.

A mess, Auston
 
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A

Alaskamomma

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Auston, I appreicated your post. You come here anytime to let someone know. We are here. ((((Auston)))


=====================================

I am still foggy of brain and feeling slightly agitated. Kids are gettings on my nerves easily. We are leaving to go camping again and it always helps for me to get out. Hopefully this will be the case this weekend.
 
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