- Sep 2, 2004
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Sometimes, I feel as if I am alone in my disorder. It's as if I can't move on from the loss of my best friend.
Pain....Extreme loss.....
Every Now and Then
I walked down to the park last night
Warm breeze stirring up a soft moonlight
And my mind started drifting to way back when
Yes I do think about you every now and then
The other day I saw a car like you used to drive
I got a funny feeling down deep inside
And for the briefest moment I felt a smile begin
Yes I do think about you every now and then
I love my life and Id never trade
Between what you and me had and the life Ive made
Shes here and shes real, but you were too
And every once in a while I think about you
I heard a song on the radio just yesterday
The same one you always asked me to play
And when the song was over
I wished theyd played it again
Yes I do think about you every now and then
I love my life and Id never trade
Between what you and me had and the life Ive made
Shes here and shes real, but you were too
And every once in a while I think about you
Ive been layin here all night listenin to the rain
Talkin to my heart and tryin to explain
Why sometimes I catch myself
Wondering what might have been
Yes I do think about you every now and then
Every now and then
Every now and then
I think I'm ready to tell the world my story. Enter Sam. My best friend, my world. We were inseperatable. She and I met a couple of years ago...instantly, there were phone calls, late night going out, meals at McDonald's and Speedy Chef. There were sleepovers, I even had my own room in her house, I was over there that much. If there's anyone I would've given my life for, it would be her, undoubtedly. I loved her, and she knew it. She loved me. OH the things we shared, all we went through. When my parents were going through hard times, she was the one I ran to. After each and every night of abuse and yelling, she brought me back to life where I wanted to die. It was because of her love that I stuck around as long as I have.
Last Christmas, we got together to exchange gifts. We met at her house, my second home. I walked in the door, I didn't even bother to knock, because I lived there alot anyways. I walked in through the kitchen, hugged her mom, said hey, and stole a few raw carrots to take to Sam. She loved carrots. Said hey to her dad, who was in the bathroom and ran up the stairs. She was singing a song....I sung along with her. It was some Casting Crowns song. I don't remember which one. She got me into church, she led me through all the spiritual darkness into the light. She got me into Christian music too. I liked Jeremy Camp, she took me to one of his concerts and I just remember smiling at her in that concert and thanking her. She had her ticket on her mirror, pictures of us, her fam and her friends. I loved looking at her pictures. I always stopped and looked at them.
The song ended, and Jeremy Camp's "I still Believe" came on. We sung it together as she ate her carrots, and I studied her pictures. When that song was through, we both bounded down the stairs to eat dinner. It was good. We had a great time, laughing and talking. When dinner was over, we went into the living room, only after she made me cover my eyes. Holding my hand, she led me into the living room where she had my present waiting for me. It was a huge framed board covered with pictures of her and I at the various things we went to. It was perfect. My best gift I ever recieved. I hugged her, and gave her my gift. It wasn't anything much, but I knew how much she loved lockets, and I had found this antique locket for her. It was beautiful.
She loved it. We sat there and talked, for hours, until we were stopped by her mother. She asked Sam to go to the store and get some meat for the next day's family gathering. I wanted Sam and I to ride together, go get the food and then come back, but she refused. She wouldn't even let us ride seperately to the store, because she wanted me to go home. We walked out the door together, and said bye. Hugged, and got into our separate cars.
The store Sam was going to was to the left. I had to go right to get to my house. I knew if I turned left, she'd know I was going to the store and would go to a different one. I turned right. She, left. I wished I had turned left.
I got home, and my house phone was ringing. I took my shower, and was crawling into bed when my phone rang. Sam's mom said 3 words. "The hospital, come." I didn't have to be told twice. I ran out in my shorts, tank top in the nighttime in winter with my keys. No shoes, no socks. Just ran. Got to the hospital. She was in the bed. I'd never seen her so bruised. I didn't say anything. The hospital probably would sue me if they knew i did this, but it was such a large bed. I climbed in with her, and adjusted her, holding her. There was nothing more to do, but just hold her. Forever, it almost seemed. I knew that if I didn't do this, I would regret it. I sung to her, all of our favorite songs. I sung "I can only imagine"....and I thought, she'll be doing it soon. As the beeps got fewer and further apart. I let her go.
Walked down the hallway with her parents. They had the funeral, and I left Mt Airy. I had lost the love of my life. I've been in love with people before, and believe me this was my ultimate. I'll never feel for another person what i felt with her.
What happened? Drunk driver.
To anyone that drinks, don't. If you do, be a big of enough person and get someone who hasn't drunk anything to take you home. I lost everything when someone drunk.
I Still Believe
Scattered words and empty thoughts
Seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
Seems I dont know where to start
But its now I feel Your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain
I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your Holy word
Even when I dont see I still believe
Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises I still seem to bear
Even when answers slowly unwind
It's my heart I see you prepare
But its now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain
I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your Holy word
Even when I dont see I still believe
The only place I can go is into Your arms
Where I throw to You my feeble prayers in brokeness
I can see that this is Your will for me
Help me to know You are near
I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your Holy word
Even when I dont see I still believe
Don't drink. Escaping your problems of today will damage your tomorrow.
This is where my Post-Traumatic Stress Disordor comes from. I can't handle car wrecks. I freak out when I almost run off the road it's actually kinda scary. I miss her a whole lot.
Anyone else struggle with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?
Pain....Extreme loss.....
Every Now and Then
I walked down to the park last night
Warm breeze stirring up a soft moonlight
And my mind started drifting to way back when
Yes I do think about you every now and then
The other day I saw a car like you used to drive
I got a funny feeling down deep inside
And for the briefest moment I felt a smile begin
Yes I do think about you every now and then
I love my life and Id never trade
Between what you and me had and the life Ive made
Shes here and shes real, but you were too
And every once in a while I think about you
I heard a song on the radio just yesterday
The same one you always asked me to play
And when the song was over
I wished theyd played it again
Yes I do think about you every now and then
I love my life and Id never trade
Between what you and me had and the life Ive made
Shes here and shes real, but you were too
And every once in a while I think about you
Ive been layin here all night listenin to the rain
Talkin to my heart and tryin to explain
Why sometimes I catch myself
Wondering what might have been
Yes I do think about you every now and then
Every now and then
Every now and then
I think I'm ready to tell the world my story. Enter Sam. My best friend, my world. We were inseperatable. She and I met a couple of years ago...instantly, there were phone calls, late night going out, meals at McDonald's and Speedy Chef. There were sleepovers, I even had my own room in her house, I was over there that much. If there's anyone I would've given my life for, it would be her, undoubtedly. I loved her, and she knew it. She loved me. OH the things we shared, all we went through. When my parents were going through hard times, she was the one I ran to. After each and every night of abuse and yelling, she brought me back to life where I wanted to die. It was because of her love that I stuck around as long as I have.
Last Christmas, we got together to exchange gifts. We met at her house, my second home. I walked in the door, I didn't even bother to knock, because I lived there alot anyways. I walked in through the kitchen, hugged her mom, said hey, and stole a few raw carrots to take to Sam. She loved carrots. Said hey to her dad, who was in the bathroom and ran up the stairs. She was singing a song....I sung along with her. It was some Casting Crowns song. I don't remember which one. She got me into church, she led me through all the spiritual darkness into the light. She got me into Christian music too. I liked Jeremy Camp, she took me to one of his concerts and I just remember smiling at her in that concert and thanking her. She had her ticket on her mirror, pictures of us, her fam and her friends. I loved looking at her pictures. I always stopped and looked at them.
The song ended, and Jeremy Camp's "I still Believe" came on. We sung it together as she ate her carrots, and I studied her pictures. When that song was through, we both bounded down the stairs to eat dinner. It was good. We had a great time, laughing and talking. When dinner was over, we went into the living room, only after she made me cover my eyes. Holding my hand, she led me into the living room where she had my present waiting for me. It was a huge framed board covered with pictures of her and I at the various things we went to. It was perfect. My best gift I ever recieved. I hugged her, and gave her my gift. It wasn't anything much, but I knew how much she loved lockets, and I had found this antique locket for her. It was beautiful.
She loved it. We sat there and talked, for hours, until we were stopped by her mother. She asked Sam to go to the store and get some meat for the next day's family gathering. I wanted Sam and I to ride together, go get the food and then come back, but she refused. She wouldn't even let us ride seperately to the store, because she wanted me to go home. We walked out the door together, and said bye. Hugged, and got into our separate cars.
The store Sam was going to was to the left. I had to go right to get to my house. I knew if I turned left, she'd know I was going to the store and would go to a different one. I turned right. She, left. I wished I had turned left.
I got home, and my house phone was ringing. I took my shower, and was crawling into bed when my phone rang. Sam's mom said 3 words. "The hospital, come." I didn't have to be told twice. I ran out in my shorts, tank top in the nighttime in winter with my keys. No shoes, no socks. Just ran. Got to the hospital. She was in the bed. I'd never seen her so bruised. I didn't say anything. The hospital probably would sue me if they knew i did this, but it was such a large bed. I climbed in with her, and adjusted her, holding her. There was nothing more to do, but just hold her. Forever, it almost seemed. I knew that if I didn't do this, I would regret it. I sung to her, all of our favorite songs. I sung "I can only imagine"....and I thought, she'll be doing it soon. As the beeps got fewer and further apart. I let her go.
Walked down the hallway with her parents. They had the funeral, and I left Mt Airy. I had lost the love of my life. I've been in love with people before, and believe me this was my ultimate. I'll never feel for another person what i felt with her.
What happened? Drunk driver.
To anyone that drinks, don't. If you do, be a big of enough person and get someone who hasn't drunk anything to take you home. I lost everything when someone drunk.
I Still Believe
Scattered words and empty thoughts
Seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
Seems I dont know where to start
But its now I feel Your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain
I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your Holy word
Even when I dont see I still believe
Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises I still seem to bear
Even when answers slowly unwind
It's my heart I see you prepare
But its now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain
I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your Holy word
Even when I dont see I still believe
The only place I can go is into Your arms
Where I throw to You my feeble prayers in brokeness
I can see that this is Your will for me
Help me to know You are near
I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your Holy word
Even when I dont see I still believe
Don't drink. Escaping your problems of today will damage your tomorrow.
This is where my Post-Traumatic Stress Disordor comes from. I can't handle car wrecks. I freak out when I almost run off the road it's actually kinda scary. I miss her a whole lot.
Anyone else struggle with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?
Your story is so very sad...
