Hello everyone: I'm new to this section but not new to OCD - I've had it ever since I can remember. It focuses mostly on spiritual issues.
I feel like I must deny myself things that I enjoy or something bad will happen. I've always enjoyed fashion and style and have a huge collection of fashion magazines like Vogue, Harper's Bazaar and Allure. I read somewhere a long time ago that these periodicals were not good for a Christian because of the worldliness. When I was a new Christian I listened to a lot of legalistic teachings which did not help a person with religious OCD one bit.
I was married to the most wonderful man on earth 25 years ago. It was a second marriage for each of us, our first marriages ending in divorce. We were new Christians at the time of our marriage. He was a spiritual and Godly man. He was also somewhat older than me - 18 years. I knew in the back of my mind that I would probably outlive him, at least statistically, by some years.
Back in the 90's he developed some health issues, and my OCD went into overdrive. I began thinking it was my fault because of the fashion magazine collection and other secular things like CD's, TV, movies, etc. , but mostly the fashion mags. I saw a therapist, who was a Christian, although I did not know that at the time I made the appointment. Thankfully, however, he was not a legalist, but definitely a committed Christian. He told me the fashion magazines and other things had nothing to do with my husband's health problems - that it was typical of OCD magical thinking.
Well, several years later he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, and I lost him last July. I am still grieving and, in addition to the profound grief, I am torturing myself with guilt that, IF ONLY, I would have gotten rid of the mags, that perhaps God would have healed him, and I would still have him here with me. I miss so much. I keep thinking maybe the therapist was wrong, and it was a disobedience issue or, even worse, an idolatry issue, ie I was making idols of magazines and this was God's way of disciplining me.
I hope someone can help me, because I don't know if I can go on like this.
Thank you for reading this,
Kathleen
I feel like I must deny myself things that I enjoy or something bad will happen. I've always enjoyed fashion and style and have a huge collection of fashion magazines like Vogue, Harper's Bazaar and Allure. I read somewhere a long time ago that these periodicals were not good for a Christian because of the worldliness. When I was a new Christian I listened to a lot of legalistic teachings which did not help a person with religious OCD one bit.
I was married to the most wonderful man on earth 25 years ago. It was a second marriage for each of us, our first marriages ending in divorce. We were new Christians at the time of our marriage. He was a spiritual and Godly man. He was also somewhat older than me - 18 years. I knew in the back of my mind that I would probably outlive him, at least statistically, by some years.
Back in the 90's he developed some health issues, and my OCD went into overdrive. I began thinking it was my fault because of the fashion magazine collection and other secular things like CD's, TV, movies, etc. , but mostly the fashion mags. I saw a therapist, who was a Christian, although I did not know that at the time I made the appointment. Thankfully, however, he was not a legalist, but definitely a committed Christian. He told me the fashion magazines and other things had nothing to do with my husband's health problems - that it was typical of OCD magical thinking.
Well, several years later he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, and I lost him last July. I am still grieving and, in addition to the profound grief, I am torturing myself with guilt that, IF ONLY, I would have gotten rid of the mags, that perhaps God would have healed him, and I would still have him here with me. I miss so much. I keep thinking maybe the therapist was wrong, and it was a disobedience issue or, even worse, an idolatry issue, ie I was making idols of magazines and this was God's way of disciplining me.
I hope someone can help me, because I don't know if I can go on like this.
Thank you for reading this,
Kathleen