even though its OCD it still hurts

OpenDoor,

I identify with you. It's a tough thing this OCD. All I can say is I will pray for you. How long ago did you first notice your OCD? Mine started around age nine. I started with trying to even things out... like if one arm touched a door knob I had to touch the other one exactly the same. Now that ritual wouldn't make sense because I would wash the first arm if it seemed contaminated. It's so silly, but, yes it hurts. Especially when faith enters into it. And I have questioned that many times myself. So I relate to what your saying. Hope that helps somehow.

A good book is 'God doesn't believe in atheists'-you might find it helpful in solidifying your faith. Remember, faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see (Hebrews somewhere) so there is nothing wrong with reading etc to be more and more sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see.

Hello Opendoor,

I know it hurts - I too have OCD and I can completely relate to your experience. Deep down we know the thoughts are not representative of who we really are and we know they are part and parcel of this disorder but they do still cause much pain and grief.

I guess you start to panic about whether they change you but please don't worry. Hold on to this one truth - God knows every part of you and He knows you are good. You are only obsessing about your faith because you love Him so much and don't want anything to spoil that.

This is a blue moment but hang on in there - clarity will come to you soon and we are all here for you.

I pray that the Lord Jesus bring you His peace and that brothers and sisters in Christ take care of you in your difficult time

With love and Blessings in His name

r2c2

I too know where you are coming from. "It's just ocd" is not always the helpful mantra, is it? This is especially true when the thoughts change and catch you by surprise. It's not always the same thought and therefore, we feel all the more responsible. It has been reasoned falsely that ocd is just a recurring thought. It's really a recurring theme - doubt, blasphemy, whatever our "boogey man" is at the time.

Many of us that experience OCD are also prone to anxiety and depression. Have you ever told a depressed person, it's just your depression?

The bottom line is, yes, OCD still hurts even when we "know" it's ocd. I think that is why prayer, professional and lay (your brothers and sisters online here at CF) attention are important.

God loves you, Open Door.

mhmm that s what devil wants, for u to be alianated, not to talk no any1 thinking that u rnt faithful. Just remember that the Word says that Jesus knows ur problem because He was tempted and experienced temptation Himself, so HE undertands!

HI Open Door,

"A person of real faith wouldn't concern them selves about whether it's OCD or not."

I think I've had that exact OCD thought... nearly verbatim.
It's diabolical to me sometimes how just when I think I've "gotten over" an OCD thought it seems to morph or evolve into a new thought... but like Marcb said, with the same basic underlying theme. OCD thoughts to me are kind of like the adapting Borg of the star trek TV series. When they attack... they say to me... "resistance is futile.".. but that too is a diabolical thing.. because my resistance, my fighting them, arguing with them stirring them round and round in my head, pushing them away etc.. is what actually makes them stronger. Big time BUMMER!
It does hurt...beyond description as it's a kind of pain that's so hard to describe to folk who have never experienced it.
On any given day living with OCD I can be experiencing peace and calmness and then wham a thought can throw me into the blue or even black zone that you are now experiencing.
I find it comforting and encouaging though, to read these wonderful posts by compassionate brothers and sisters in Christ and see how God is using them and speaking through them... even though they have OCD just like me. Amazing Grace!!
"And we being many are one body in Christ."

All of us here have experienced this hurt feeling. Riding the wave, just doesn't always work. Even if we fail in our therapy now and then....know that Jesus never fails, and He upholds us, and will see us through each stage in our walk to wellness.

God Bless
seajoy