Being a parent is the most difficult thing I have ever taken on in my life. There are days when I would gladly go back to being childless. Today is one of those days. My children have the ability to bring out feelings in me that I never knew about. There are times when I just have to walk away because I can feel the anger rising in me. Before I had children I had never felt such strong feelings, it is quite weird. I wonder if others also have this experience. I do not think parenting was ever meant to be like it is today in the western world. The whole reponsiblility of raising children being on the shoulders of two, often one, parent. It is our individualism that drives woman (since it is they that usually carry most of the burden) to deep loneliness, despair and despression when they cannot be the perfect mother. But I have been in other cultures where raising children was a collective responsibility, the whole burden was not on the shoulders of a pair of exhausted and harressed parents. The whole extended family and community raised the children. Grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, in-laws, all took on the responsibility to raise their families children. The children could run around the village in safety because everyone kept an eye on them. Mothers could go hours every day without seeing their kids and knowing they were being looked after. In the western world the parents are with the children 24/7, every day of the year, for years. The only break can be obtained by paying some stranger to look after your child, an expensive option. Going away on holiday does not give a break, the children are still there with their demands and needs. No wonder the modern family is breaking down at such a fast pace. There is no place for rest, for refreshment. Combine this with the pressures of work, keeping up with the Joneses and we can see it is no wonder so many want off the treadmill.
being a parent
- Thread starter Kiwi
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icbeckyc
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- Mar 9, 2006
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Yep being a parent is hard. I get very frustrated at times. Then there are moments that are so wonderful I can't imagine not being a parent and almost wishing for more. You are so right with it being on the parents 24/7 for many years without paying for babysitting. We all get in the mode noone can do it for me. Won't let others help when we really need it. At least we have places like CF to come ask questions and get second opinions.
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I agree with you.
I don't have days like this very often but did have an afternoon like that yesterday. My son needed an unexpected and unplanned visit to the doctor and we spent ages waiting around to see one. So that threw my whole afternoon off, and to make it worse it was one of those afternoons where I needed to cook tea, help with homework and do the baths etc. It was at that time of the day - it makes me mad!!!!!
So yeah, I get day slike that.
I think it's worth it in the end.
I agree with what you are saying about needing other people to help, and no going on holidays doesn't help either, in fact it's harder because you have to take all that extra gear with you, and if you forget something vital, like little snacks etc., then it's really stressful.
I don't have days like this very often but did have an afternoon like that yesterday. My son needed an unexpected and unplanned visit to the doctor and we spent ages waiting around to see one. So that threw my whole afternoon off, and to make it worse it was one of those afternoons where I needed to cook tea, help with homework and do the baths etc. It was at that time of the day - it makes me mad!!!!!
So yeah, I get day slike that.
I think it's worth it in the end.
I agree with what you are saying about needing other people to help, and no going on holidays doesn't help either, in fact it's harder because you have to take all that extra gear with you, and if you forget something vital, like little snacks etc., then it's really stressful.
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Oh, yes! Having children has brought out both the best and the worst in me - there is very little middle ground. I was always a very calm, easygoing person. That has changed dramatically. I constantly battle being short-tempered, which is something I would never have believed I'd have a problem with. And yes, I think we all have days when we say "what on earth was I thinking?" I had one yesterday. Having said all that, I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I experience more wonder, pain, anxiety, love, joy, frustration, and satisfaction - more life - in one day now, than I used to in a whole month before I had children. It's a wild ride. Hang in there.
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Hugs for you!
I think that setup also takes some of the ongoing guilt off the parents' shoulders. We already have that built in radar for their voices, the mother lion instinct, and constant wakefulness to deal with, who needs guilt over slipping once or twice!
Some parents find help through play groups and bible studies that offer babysitting -- then you have a chance to be near them but not jumping every minute.
Fear of others taking care of our kids isn't always unfounded -- when my kids were toddlers I found experienced sitters leave my toddlers playing in the street alone, and alone in a deep pool while the adult was on the phone indoors. I know another story of a sitter giving a toddler "happy juice" ... fill in the blanks.
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Kiwi, I feel the same way. I am the only SAHM on our block that I know of and we don't have any family close to help out, so it can get pretty lonely and frustrating. I've joined a playgroup so that we can at least build a sense of community with other families - we are not made to be isolated. My DH and I are also seriously considering how we can get in community with some extended family.
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I think a lot of families break down and parents divorce and what not due to having so many priorities in their lives other than just "each other." That's the main problem these days and it's only getting worse. I know so many families that have several children all involved in sports and activities through school and they have no time for one another. I know people who seriously can not remember the last time the whole family was together at a sit down, homecooked meal. We have sit down, homecooked meals atleast 5 nights per week, usually it's 7 and on weekends we usually eat all 3 meals together as a family.
In the Bible times there weren't soccer moms and moms or dads who put work and other things before family. I bet they worked hard all the time but they had the rest of their time spending it together in God's word and their primary concern was raising their children in God's word so they would grow up to be strong individuals and being in sports and cub scouts didn't play any part in that way back in the beginning when families actually stayed together for the long haul.
In the Bible times there weren't soccer moms and moms or dads who put work and other things before family. I bet they worked hard all the time but they had the rest of their time spending it together in God's word and their primary concern was raising their children in God's word so they would grow up to be strong individuals and being in sports and cub scouts didn't play any part in that way back in the beginning when families actually stayed together for the long haul.
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I think alot of my problem is that we are quite poor and always on a very strict budget so we can never get out and do much with the kids, we don't have money for 'date nights', or couple weekends aways, even for anniversary or birthday presents for that matter. We have never been away on a family holiday. It gets very depressing. My husband did training but he could not get a job with his training so he is on minimum wage, I am studying so hopefully I will be able to bring in some good money but I still have 1 year of study left so we have to hang on in the meantime.
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Being a parent is the hardest thing you'll ever do but the things that mean the most generally take the most work, marriage, relationship with God, children etc.
It's hard. It's also good. You are right about emotions and sometimes parents need to take 5 and cool off.
DH and I are also on a very tight budget, we don't get date night, vacations etc we don't even have a car. It gets hard but when I get down I remember how lucky I am to be a mother.
I don't believe in the whole it takes a bunch of people to raise a child. Everyone I know has the kids at Grandma's at least one weeknight every week and at least 1 weekend a month. The kids are in daycare, with friends, etc. Heck, I even raised my own nephew for over 2 years.
That being said, I'd love to have ONE person besides my husband who I can fall back on to help with the baby, who I can trust and I don't have that. It's tough and sometimes very lonely.
It's hard. It's also good. You are right about emotions and sometimes parents need to take 5 and cool off.
DH and I are also on a very tight budget, we don't get date night, vacations etc we don't even have a car. It gets hard but when I get down I remember how lucky I am to be a mother.
I don't believe in the whole it takes a bunch of people to raise a child. Everyone I know has the kids at Grandma's at least one weeknight every week and at least 1 weekend a month. The kids are in daycare, with friends, etc. Heck, I even raised my own nephew for over 2 years.
That being said, I'd love to have ONE person besides my husband who I can fall back on to help with the baby, who I can trust and I don't have that. It's tough and sometimes very lonely.
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