I am a new member; being a widower for only 3 months now. I have been going through the previous postings and everyone of them I have experienced, so I realize that I am not alone in dealing with my wife's passing. The hurt is the most difficult for me to deal with right now, I didn't know my heart could be pulverized any more but each day it gets pulverized into smaller pieces and the ache grows larger. We were both self-employed and worked out of the house together. This was a blessing then and now is bittersweet; for her essence surrounds me constantly while I am working. I did something Friday evening that no body ever thought I would do. I got a tattoo to 'memorialize' my wife's memory. I had the Japanese symbols for Sunshine placed on my upper right arm so that I can think about her every morning. Sunshine was my nickname for her since the very beginning of our romance together 27 years ago this spring. Mornings were special becasue I took coffee to her while she was still in bed and then I made us breakfast. She passed away in the morning so the day starts out pretty rough for me. Ironically, Valentine's day marks the 14th week of her passing - I suppose I'd better prepare for an extremely difficult day Wednesday. Thankfully, she was a STRONG Christian woman and I know she is resting in the arms of our Lord & Savior. Sunshine is now one of the treasures I have stored up for me in heaven. May our Lord bless each of you and give you His peace, especially on Valentine's day.
reflections
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Missinyou
Active Member
Hello HighLonesome,
Glad to see you finally made it... Welcome. I know you'll find a lot of support here. I know I did with the heartache and pain that went with Patsy's passing. My heart goes out to you. These are a great bunch of Christian people and you will find their love and caring is very helpful.
God bless,
Missinyou
Glad to see you finally made it... Welcome. I know you'll find a lot of support here. I know I did with the heartache and pain that went with Patsy's passing. My heart goes out to you. These are a great bunch of Christian people and you will find their love and caring is very helpful.
God bless,
Missinyou
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Terri
Senior Veteran
Welcome to the forum HighLonesome. 
Sundays are the roughest for me as Jim died on a Sunday Afternoon.
We too spent most all of our time together. Does make it tough.
I remember when I use to count the weeks too. But time marches on so quickly. Now I just think...will be two years in May.
Now I have the before/after syndrome. Like I will be watching a show on TV and I will think, "did me and Jim watch this together or did it come on AFTER." My memory is terrible. I always relied upon Jim to remember things and I just seem to drive myself crazy now with trying to remember details of our life together.
Oh well...such is life.
Sundays are the roughest for me as Jim died on a Sunday Afternoon.
We too spent most all of our time together. Does make it tough.
I remember when I use to count the weeks too. But time marches on so quickly. Now I just think...will be two years in May.
Now I have the before/after syndrome. Like I will be watching a show on TV and I will think, "did me and Jim watch this together or did it come on AFTER." My memory is terrible. I always relied upon Jim to remember things and I just seem to drive myself crazy now with trying to remember details of our life together.
Oh well...such is life.
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Welcome, HighLonesome
One thing I find difficult is welcoming a new person here to this forum because I know they are here due to the most devasting loss that could occur. So, we need to find a new word for welcome.
It has been 4 months for me. Sometimes it feels like yesterday and sometimes like forever. Monday nights are the hardest. Terry died on Monday night, very suddenly, after we ate dinner together. People have said they are praying for me every month on the 9th, but the 9th doesn't seem to phase me, it's Monday nights.
I have found strength and comfort here, both from those who are newly grieving and those who have learned how to deal with their grief--as if you can really do that. We'll take care of you.
One thing I find difficult is welcoming a new person here to this forum because I know they are here due to the most devasting loss that could occur. So, we need to find a new word for welcome.
It has been 4 months for me. Sometimes it feels like yesterday and sometimes like forever. Monday nights are the hardest. Terry died on Monday night, very suddenly, after we ate dinner together. People have said they are praying for me every month on the 9th, but the 9th doesn't seem to phase me, it's Monday nights.
I have found strength and comfort here, both from those who are newly grieving and those who have learned how to deal with their grief--as if you can really do that. We'll take care of you.
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Dawiddlegirl
Junior Member
Welcome Highlonesome!
I hope you will find comfort here. It does help to talk with people that have lost a spouse they loved deeply.
It is a pain that can't be fully described or appreciated by those who have not gone through it.
God bless you Highlonesome.
(((HUG)))
I hope you will find comfort here. It does help to talk with people that have lost a spouse they loved deeply.
It is a pain that can't be fully described or appreciated by those who have not gone through it.
God bless you Highlonesome.
(((HUG)))
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Ok, today is taking me by surprise. Terry and I never really celebrated Valentine's Day because our wedding anniversary is the 19th. We always tried to go away on our anniversary and felt that day was more important to us.
So, today is Valentine's Day and we had an ice storm during the night. I'm not going into work today since I live on a very rural road, at the bottom of a very steep hill, and there is no way of getting out. (how about that for a run on sentence!) I'm watching tv and all they are talking about is love and finding the right person!
Ok, enough of my pity party. I'm going to bake a cake for the kids for Valentine's Day, but first I'm going to have a good cry.
So, today is Valentine's Day and we had an ice storm during the night. I'm not going into work today since I live on a very rural road, at the bottom of a very steep hill, and there is no way of getting out. (how about that for a run on sentence!) I'm watching tv and all they are talking about is love and finding the right person!
Ok, enough of my pity party. I'm going to bake a cake for the kids for Valentine's Day, but first I'm going to have a good cry.
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Missinyou
Active Member
I'm doing okay so far today... It was yesterday when I was at Wal Mart and walked by all the valentines for the one you love stuff.... We always got some little thing for each other on this day...but not this year. Oh OH...here they come again....more tears.... They should have cancelled Valentines Day this year.... Didn't they know the love of my life was gone forever more?? :-( Got to get off this subject...
I hope and pray you all get through this day alright...and that someday God will send you someone new to celebrate with...someone to send you roses and a big box of candy... so they can help you eat the good ones...
I hope and pray you all get through this day alright...and that someday God will send you someone new to celebrate with...someone to send you roses and a big box of candy... so they can help you eat the good ones...
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To all Valentine's:
Ironically, today [Valentine's Day] marks the 14th week since my Sunshine went home to our Lord's house. We had a little thing where I gave her the same card each year & she would give it back at the end of the day. On the outside is a goofy little character holding a heart in his hand and the caption reads 'You're the only one who really understands me.' Then on the inside it says 'Would you be my Valentine anyway?' Of course, I wrote "I LOVE you Sunshine" in it. I got it out this morning, held it in my hands, cried like a whooped pup and put it back in its envelope for next year.
I'm off to buy 9 single roses, 1 for daughter, 2 for grandaugthers & 6 for the women in my 'Living with Grief" therapy group which meets later this afternoon. (I am the only male in the group.) I truly hope & pray that all of you can smile today. In the Rolling Stones song 'Waiting on a Friend' there is a line that reads " A smile relieves a heart that grieves" and it truly does so smile and pass your smile on.
Ironically, today [Valentine's Day] marks the 14th week since my Sunshine went home to our Lord's house. We had a little thing where I gave her the same card each year & she would give it back at the end of the day. On the outside is a goofy little character holding a heart in his hand and the caption reads 'You're the only one who really understands me.' Then on the inside it says 'Would you be my Valentine anyway?' Of course, I wrote "I LOVE you Sunshine" in it. I got it out this morning, held it in my hands, cried like a whooped pup and put it back in its envelope for next year.
I'm off to buy 9 single roses, 1 for daughter, 2 for grandaugthers & 6 for the women in my 'Living with Grief" therapy group which meets later this afternoon. (I am the only male in the group.) I truly hope & pray that all of you can smile today. In the Rolling Stones song 'Waiting on a Friend' there is a line that reads " A smile relieves a heart that grieves" and it truly does so smile and pass your smile on.
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Missinyou
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Okay.... Where did everybody go....or are we all recoiling from our first Valentine's day without them? Actually mine went better than expected. It was a couple days before when I saw all the Valentine's stuff in the store, that it hit me.
I hope and pray that you all are doing okay. I know our Lord is watching over us.
I hope and pray that you all are doing okay. I know our Lord is watching over us.
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Dear HighLonsome,
Just wanted to say hi to you - and to let you know how sorry I am for the pain in your life.
I lost my husband to cancer, almost 2 years ago now. It's so hard to go on with life - yet God expects us to and I promise that he has blessings in store for you!
I am 49 years old - I too, had worked with my spouse in the business world for many years. I miss him every day, yet am now able to look back on our memories and smile and praise God for His faithfulness and mercy.
My children (2 grown daughters) live very far away - one is married and is in Chicago - the other one just moved to Germany this week. For the first time, I will be living truly on my own.
How can I pray for you? What are your greatest needs at this time?
You are precious in the sight of God.
Have a blessed day,
Debbieg123
Just wanted to say hi to you - and to let you know how sorry I am for the pain in your life.
I lost my husband to cancer, almost 2 years ago now. It's so hard to go on with life - yet God expects us to and I promise that he has blessings in store for you!
I am 49 years old - I too, had worked with my spouse in the business world for many years. I miss him every day, yet am now able to look back on our memories and smile and praise God for His faithfulness and mercy.
My children (2 grown daughters) live very far away - one is married and is in Chicago - the other one just moved to Germany this week. For the first time, I will be living truly on my own.
How can I pray for you? What are your greatest needs at this time?
You are precious in the sight of God.
Have a blessed day,
Debbieg123
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Welcome, Debbie
I know 4 months at times seems so long ago and, yet, it seems like yesterday. I'm sure that at 2 years it is the same way. We look out for each other here. I'm glad that you found us.
My greatest need at this time is the fact that Monday is my 30th wedding anniversary. I know that I am going to go away for a few days, but have not decided where. I think I will just get in my car tomorrow morning and just see where the Lord takes me. I plan on returning Tuesday night.
I know 4 months at times seems so long ago and, yet, it seems like yesterday. I'm sure that at 2 years it is the same way. We look out for each other here. I'm glad that you found us.
My greatest need at this time is the fact that Monday is my 30th wedding anniversary. I know that I am going to go away for a few days, but have not decided where. I think I will just get in my car tomorrow morning and just see where the Lord takes me. I plan on returning Tuesday night.
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Missinyou
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I certainly hope you have better luck at just taking off than I do. Three times now I have threatened to go to a city about three hours away and visit some close friends...and each time I have backed out... Today being the latest. Just got home from work and thought I'ed catch a couple hours of sleep and then head out...but the idea just doesn't seem so appealing now as it did yesterday... It's happened this way each time...all enthused about going away for at least one day...and then the sadness sets in... It would just bring back memories of Patsy...and yes...the tears fell on the way home from work.... Driving gives me too much time to think and to remember... A million thoughts run through my mind when I'm behind the wheel...from the vision of her lying in the bed in ICU to seeing her walking around among the roses in our back yard before we left for the hospital in Seattle and I'm pretty sure she knew at that time it would be the last time she would see the roses in this world. There were just so many things she did that last day, that now when I think back on it...she knew her time here on earth was drawing to a close, and she was viewing this life for the last time.... And it makes me cry...to suddenly realize this, and to remember those moments. There is just no good way to lose the one you love...suddenly without the chance to say goodby, or saying goodby and knowing it was the last time you would tell each other how much you loved one another. There is just no good way to go through either one. I know the Lord is watching over me on this and has a plan for me, but sometimes He just doesn't seem like enough. I want a voice in the stillness of my life.
God bless you all.
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There were just so many things she did that last day, that now when I think back on it...she knew her time here on earth was drawing to a close, and she was viewing this life for the last time.... And it makes me cry...to suddenly realize this, and to remember those moments. There is just no good way to lose the one you love...suddenly without the chance to say goodby, or saying goodby and knowing it was the last time you would tell each other how much you loved one another. There is just no good way to go through either one. I know the Lord is watching over me on this and has a plan for me, but sometimes He just doesn't seem like enough. I want a voice in the stillness of my life.God bless you all.
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