Distractions

I beginning to think everyone is suffering from post holiday shock. No posting since the 2nd.

I have decided to go on an Alaskan cruise in July with my in-laws. Actually they told me that just because I lost Pasty, it didn't mean I was no longer a member of their family, and I will be on that boat when it sets sail from Anchorage. They are a major support to me and I don't know what I would do without them. My brother-in-law was praying with me when Patsy said her final goodbye by squeezing our hands. Don't know what I would have done without him.

I'm also looking forward to warmer weather so I can ride my motorcycle. I have some very long trips planned for this summer

I hope and pray that faithgoeson got moved okay. I'm wondering if she has internet service out in the boondocks where she said she was moving?

God bless you all,
Missinyou

JeanR said:

Hey, everyone.

I haven't been around the last week and I'm sorry. How is everyone doing?

We've hit a low point here. Our daughter has left home vowing never to return and is not responding to any voicemails or emails. This is added to the stress level to an already grieving family. We are trying to hang in together, but it is hard. I've spoken at length with a therapist about the situation and he has advised me to let her go. She is 28 years old and it is time for her to grow up.

Christmas was very bittersweet. The grief has hit me all over again. There are times I wish I could join Terry, but I know I have no control over that. Christmas is now behind us and I am now facing my 30th wedding anniversary in February. I just don't know how to hang on.

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JeanR,
I had to face our 31st anniversary alone last October 3 and it was hard. My suggestion is to have some company with you. I had bad day at work, meaning operational things went wrong, so I never had time to realize what day it was. It was when I got home and was setting all alone when I glanced at the calender for some reason....and it hit me. Within seconds I was out of control. I called my brother at work but had to hang up because I couldn't even talk to him. It wasn't very long before my sister-in-law, with tears in her eyes, was ringing my door bell. My brother had called her. We sat and talked about life, and Patsy, and how hard it was living without her, and it wasn't very long before I was back in control. A little asking God for strength certainly helped too. I'm not going to say the rest of the day was a piece of cake, but it was easier. I made it through it. Praying and having company was the key, I think. Don't face it alone.

The next big hurdle, and I'm not looking forward to it, is the anniversary of the day the Lord took her home. I'm sure my brother and my son, who lives here in town, will make sure I am not alone that day.

I know I have felt that I just want to be alone with my thoughts at times, but I really don't think it's healthy for us. We need someone there, even if it's just to set with us and say nothing.

Hang in there JeanR. You will make it through it. You have the Lord and you have your friends here in this group.

I have a tendency to agree with the therapist. Let her go. You have enough on your plate already.

May God bless you and help you through this,
Missinyou

Glad to meet yu Terri,
I have discovered that, besides the Lord, as long as you speak out on this forum, yu aren't alone. The people here will come to your aid in an instant, and no matter what you are going through, you can bet there's someone who has experienced it too. Do you have brothers or sisters? I found they're good for a shoulder in the middle of a breakdown but they still don't have the understanding of someone who has gone through it. Anway it sounds as if you need to air your sorrows and feelings so that you can begin the healing process, and this is a good place to begin. By your coming back to this site tells me that you're reaching out and that God is working in your life. Keep the chin up and remember, help and support is only a keyboard away. Things will get better.

The Alaskan cruise.... Would be a lot more fun if my Patsy was sailing with me.

Desperate4Him2 said:

Hi y'all. I lost my husband 6 years ago this April. And the pain is pretty well gone, though I had to go to counselling to learn to let it wash over me and let it go. That said, I miss Dave with my whole being and look forward to the time we can see each other again.

Our last trip together was an Alaskan cruise - it was wonderful! You will so enjoy it and will be far too busy to be anything but exhausted.

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Hello Desperate4Him2,
Glad to see a new face (name) here, at least new to us "newbies". It sounds as if you have your life in order and I'm sure that looking forward to meeting our loves in Heaven is something we all will do forever, no matter what road God sends us down here on this earth.
I'm still trying to find some excitement for the cruise. So far it's just been an expense. Guess I'll have to pull up the ports we stop in and see what they have to offer. I'm sure that no matter how busy or exhausted I am, Patsy will still be on my mind, wishing she were there with me. By then I will have passed the one year anniversary of her death so will have one milestone out of the way.
I am not looking forward to her birthday in March nor the afore mentioned anniversary. Don't know how you guys did with them, but I can imagine nothing but heartache.
Again, glad to meet you Desperate4Him2.
God bless you and bring you happiness,
Missinyou

JeanR said:

Hi, Desperate4Him2

Welcome to our community. We try to look out for each other here. We have all experienced the grief, some whose spouses were sick for a while and others, like me, who lost a spouse suddenly.

I still grieve for my father and he has been gone for 18 years. So, I know 6 years seems like a while, but it really isn't.

I, too, have been going for counseling. In fact, Terry and I had hit a rough patch in our marriage and went to this particular counselor for marriage counseling. When things straightened out between us, I continued to go. I have childhood issues of abuse from my mother to work through. When Terry passed, it was comforting to be with a counselor who already knew me. Without counseling and without this forum, I don't know how I would have made it through the last 3 months.

The other thing I have always found helpful is to go to the shore. Sitting on a quiet beach is where I feel closest to the Lord. I think the cruise will be good for you, Missinyou. Try to find some alone time, even though you will be with others.

I love you guys.

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Yes JeanR, I suspect there will be those times alone. I envision myself standing alone by the railing, looking at the stars in a clear night sky, the light from the moon dancing across the water , sparkling like a thousand diamonds spread down from Heaven, and I will sense her there with me, but I will still feel so alone, and I am sure the tears will fall.

Thank you. I will do that. Don't know if you can post any links to pictures here on this forum, but if it's possible, I might just post one or two. Of course I will post only those that make me look like a young Tom Sellek... lol
God Bless you all and have a specially nice day.