Hello everyone, heres my situation. I was married to a man for 2 years.When I met him he was the perfect image of what I saw in a man. Came from a good family,good values,handsome ect ect.Well right off the bat he wanted to get married at the time I was a big drinker and cocktail waitressed and he would come and see me. He wasnt much of a drinker and I was.At the time I had some unresolved issues from my past that would reveal themselves when I would drink and be in a relationship.My father had abused me when I was 5 so my trust in men was non existent to say the least.Anyway we got married after a drunken fight and the real reason I married him was out of guilt and shame of my behavior.I remember waking up and seeing my clothes thrown around the room.I remember when we went to the court house the eerie feeling inmy stomache warning me of the mistake I was abou to make but i did it anyway. I thought that I could grow to love him.Needless to say that never happened.I always felt judged when I was around him and since we were from completely diffrent backrounds he couldnt understand where I was coming from. I was constanley being reminded of all the mistakes when drinking I had made, even things I had done prior the marriage.Ihad my issues and he had his.He had bipolar which would cause him to obsess about my past with him and even before we were together.The problems got worse and I started resenting him more because he wouldnt let me just be me.Before we met I was so carefree and had alot of friends and my independence.We went to therapy and tried to make things work but no matter what I simply could not be in love with him no matter what I tried.It was such a sad way to live. I remember driving and hearing love songs and just crying and asking God "will I ever feel the way the people singing these songs do" We went to church because I thought if we threw ourselves into church maybe things could change but even there at church I couldnt be myself or even pay attention at times because he would want to talk during the service which would upset me so much. I tried to get him to really get into church so he could be the spriritual leader and lead us both. I knew God could change anything but he just wouldnt respond and it ate at me. I left so many times and he would insist that we keep trying because we were married.Every day got worse and worse and I felt so hollow and life seemed so unfair.I knew that I had so much love to give but I couldnt love my own husband.So for the last time I left and its is finally over. At first I felt this feeling of being free and relieved.I had for the first time in years got to do what I wanted and hangout with the freinds I wanted to. Recently I heard from him and now he's going to church and he said he dove right in and now he's met a girl at church how lovely.It just gets to me because why couldnt he have paid attention and been receptive while we were together now he's met someone and he's my Christian which is what I wanted him to be for me all along.I am just so hurt by it because I dont understand why I had to go through a marriage for any lesson. Now he's happy and moved on and has become what I wanted while we were married.A big part of me wants to just go back to my old ways and drink myself out of sadness but I know that will just get me into a scene that is not good for me. I pray and hope to get your prayers that was meant to hurt me will help me to grow stronger and be my wakeup call. I just wish that I didnt have to go through a failed marriage for all of this....advice insight and prayers are much appreciated.