To NYJ:
After reading one of your responses to me, I think I finally understood where your forcefulness originated from. I have known couples who have struggled with infertility, and seen the deep, degradating pain it has caused them. When someone says or does something that pokes in a personal pain, I often react with a knee-jerk. And I have seen how the topic of abortion affects the people who desperately want children but have not been blessed.
My responses were never intended to inflict that type of pain upon you, and I deeply regret it if they have.
On the other side of the same coin, *I* reacted with the same type of knee-jerk reaction as well.
You see, NYJ, I had a third-grade child who experienced an unbelievable emotional breakdown, and he had to be hospitalized in a psychiatric facility. Now, his problem was NOT related to rape/pregnancy/abortion in any way. My son has ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), an illness which is often genetic in origin. My husband's side of the family is peppered with relatives who have suffered from this disorder in many shapes, sizes, and forms. In fact, it is because of the family history that my husband and I got our son in treatment when he was only in Kindergarten. Some people, including the schoolteachers, thought we were over-reacting. However, they hadn't seen the destructiveness of this first-hand.
ADD is sort of like diabetes. You never CURE it, you can only hope to control it. It's also a life-long problem. If you are fortunate, you learn coping skills. Medication can help. In my son's case, medication made a DRAMATIC improvement. It's not a magic cure-all, though. And for my son, the medication would become ineffective and he'd have to change to something different, to give his body a rest.
When he was in third grade, he was changed from his normal medication to Ritalin. Most children do quite well on Ritalin. In my son's case, it made him violent. He attacked another child on the playground, grabbed the kid by the throat. We immediately took him to his doctor. When questioned, my son admitted that he was filled with uncontrollable rage, that he wanted to do harm to others, and harm to himself.
The doctor said he had to be hospitalized immediately.
We're talking about a third grade child! Eight years old!
And at that time, in that very desperate, vulnerable, painful time, we were assaulted with the reality of the US healthcare system. Guess what, folks? Mental health coverage of most insurances STINKS. Get out your policies, get out the coverage booklets, take a LOOK at what you get when you are in desperate need.
Instead of allowing my son to be hospitalized at a facility where his doctor was on staff, the health plan said we had to go to the next county, to a place we had never seen, and turn the care of our precious child over to people we didn't know.
If your child needs open-heart surgery, or chemotherapy, or some drastic medical treatment, the hospitals open their doors to the family, they put out the welcome mat. Mom and/or Dad are permitted to stay with the child, often in a bed provided by the hospital. You can't go into the operating room, but you are allowed to stay with your child almost constantly.
In a psychiatric hospital, you set the suitcase down on the floor, sign the papers, and then kiss your child goodbye.
Visiting hours are extremely restricted.
My BABY was hurting, in desperate pain, and I had to ABANDON him!
He was there for two weeks, the longest two weeks of my life.
I'm sorry this is so long, such babbling. But now you know why I would consider almost anything in this world to protect my child from emotional distress.
I do apologize to you, NYJ. And to everyone else here.
Peace be with you,
~VOW
