Should Parents Spank Their Children?

BabelFish said:

Hi everyone!
I just found this forum on the net and this is my first post. Hope I'll have a great time here with a lot of good discusions.

About the spanking, I was born and I live in Sweden. In Sweden, "child abuse" is illegal, and this law is strictly followed by people. I don't know anyone spanking their children.

I have a hard time seeing how teaching love could be done by means of pain.

I also can not help to see how many americans here think it's okey to spank children. I can not help wondering if some of the violent acts commited by children in the US could be in some way related to parents spanking thier kids.

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Ok for one I was raised getting spankins and I was raised in church and tought how to spank out of love, yes its pain full but its a good way to teach a lisson? two... how to spank out of love? you take your child into a room where knowone is at sit them down on the bed and tell them what they did wrong and why it is wrong and then tell them how you love them and that you don't want to spank them but this is the best punishment you can come up with and after you spank them rap your arms around them hug them and tell them again that you love them and not to do it again or next time it'll be a different punishment (like take something away or ground them for so long).
thats spanking your kids out of love and I belive this works and every where is starting to get where spanking is illigal but they can throw me in jail cus my childeren will be disapline to my prospective and know will tell me how to do so only Gods word.

BabelFish said:

Hi everyone!
I just found this forum on the net and this is my first post. Hope I'll have a great time here with a lot of good discusions.

About the spanking, I was born and I live in Sweden. In Sweden, "child abuse" is illegal, and this law is strictly followed by people. I don't know anyone spanking their children.

I have a hard time seeing how teaching love could be done by means of pain.

I also can not help to see how many americans here think it's okey to spank children. I can not help wondering if some of the violent acts commited by children in the US could be in some way related to parents spanking thier kids.

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I'm with you, Babelfish. I was raised with spanking, and in Canada where I live parents who spank still have legal protection from criminal assault charges -- but fortunately only under very narrow limits. Most of what has been described in this thread: spanking children under two, and spanking with implements, is criminal assault in Canada. It's shocking to see it promoted on a Christian forum, especially since I know many non-Christians who, through lurking on discussions such as this one, have come to associate Christianity with atavism and child abuse. You can imagine how that impairs our effectiveness as witnesses to Christ's love!

Even though I was raised with spanking, I was able to break through the conditioning and raise my children in a gentler style. They are turning out very well indeed: in fact I have never been faced with a parenting situation where spanking seemed like a reasonable choice. And my children are correspondingly kind, gentle and reasonable themselves.

Thanks for stating your (minority) opinion -- your voice needed to be heard.

I second that. pmcleanj and BabelFish, you have my blessing.

I am guessing that the general attitude toward children in Sweden is much gentler and more respectful. It must be great to be a kid in Sweden, and to grow up with a healthy understanding of the integrity of your own body, and the boundries that others are required to respect regarding your own body. It must be so different.

I also wonder (often) about the violence in our society, and if it can be connected to early childhood experiences. We are taught so early that inflicting pain is an acceptable way to exert power. It becomes a part of us. Of course, there is no way to know for sure, but I wonder.

Thanks for your post!

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I thank you for your welcome, and yes I must say Sweden was a great place to grow up in.

I did a search "spanking sweden" and found a study saying child abuse has increased in Sweden as spanking became more restricted.

h++p://people.biola.edu/faculty/paulp/sweden2.html

I wasn't able to link to that study, however I would expect that because they have generalized the definition of "child abuse" to include hitting of any sort.

I was severly beaten as a child by my dad, but my mom only spanked me one time. I am ok with what my mom did, because boy did I deserve it. I was 5 years old hmmm...maybe 4.
She did pop me in the mouth for sassing her. I had plenty of fat lips. LOL...I deserved every smack from her. My mom is awesome. She is the best and I would never think of her as abusive just letting me know that she didn't agree with my bad attitude and mouth.

My dad was wrong and wasn't a Christian man at the time. He has said sorry to me and I forgive him.

I do spank my kids. Not very often, but if something comes up and they try to test me to the limits then I think I good spanken is good for their ego. I also think some adults need a good spanken.

I like the comment about how some kids hated being spanked and hated there parents for it, but when you got grounded did you also hate your parents for that to? Oh ya! I know you did, because I was a teen and felt the same way.

Good for you, who don't spank their kids. I don't know how you do it, but if it works then it works.

Evening Mist said:

I wasn't able to link to that study, however I would expect that because they have generalized the definition of "child abuse" to include hitting of any sort.

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They seem to use various measures. If you are really interested do a yahoo search, sweden spanking, and the first result is Robert Larzelere's study, or at least the abstract.

Robert E. Larzelere, PhD
Director, Residential Research
Father Flanagan's Boys' Home, Boys Town, NE

lucypevensie said:

I believe in spanking also. The directions given in Proverbs are more than just old fashioned sayings. I believe they are directions from God for how we are to live our lives, child-rearing included. If God does not want us to spank our children then why would His Word contaradict Him?

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my thoughts exactly!! Well said!

I do not believe parents should spank their children... there is no should about it. Spanking is not often good.


But sometimes some children are more difficult than other and sometimes a slap seems needed in some situations in a natural way like a lioness might give a simple cuff to a cub who ignores her vocal rebuke.

Well behaved children do not need spanking... my hubbie was spanked because his parents believed children should be as it is written in the Bible... but because they hit the kids trying to sit still but sadly for wrigling in 3 hour long sermons then this is in my mind child abuse.

To say to a child when you get home you will get a smack is also wrong.... if by talking you can correct the behaviour then why hit the kid...?

So to believe kids should be hit is wrong... but to accept that sometimes a smack is the last resort in communicating with a child is probably a simple fact of life.

To make smacking illegal will add to the pressures on families... it is almost illegal now and parents have lost so many rights and so much control of their children to the state that their confidence and authority within the family unit has been erroded to the extent that behaviour problems are actually created. With no way of dealing with bad behaviour parents increasingly feel helpless and simply have no option but to give up on ther kids. It is very sad.

I agree with Crofter. A spank if it is administered at all, should be instananeous, not "wait until your father gets home to take off his belt", as it was in the old days. An implement should never be used, though. I think it is best to talk it through with the child and deprive them of privileges if the offense is serious. It is never helpful to use physical force on an older child, although I have let fly in anger occasionally, when they have been particularly cheeky! I have spanked my grandson once when a short sharp smack was the most effective way of dealing with a situation! My daughter, even though she does not approve of spanking, agreed that in those particular circumstances it was the only thing to do to get the message home immediately.

All in all spanking is best avoided, but from time to time a short sharp smack probably does no harm.

I want to use my hands to comfort and care.

It is known that true awareness of consequences doesn't come until the later teen years, even if a child says they understand consequences they don't really have the ablitiy to make informed decisions based on them. They are naturally irrational.

I have two young children and I spank one and the other less. Is this because I am showing favoritism? No, just one responds well and the other doesn't respond to that sort of correction much. Spanking can be valuable, but it must be tempered in love and used with thought.

I always talk with my daughter before I spank her to see that she can at least identify why she's being punished. I am careful to never do it out of anger, but lovingly, hoping she will learn a lesson and stop doing whatever it is she was doing. She is always loving afterwards and seems to feel loved by the fact that we care enough to place limits on her behavior.

I cannot understand how folk can spank in cold blood, any spanking I did was immediate, not 'I am going to spank you when I have told you why I am spanking you', I just couldn't do that!

I do spank right after the offense is commited; however, spanking as a quick immediate reaction seems too much like retaliation. I'm not trying to get my child back for disobedience, just train them away from sin.

... well... I have to admit I'm a little lost as to how smacking can teach a child to turn from sin... have to admit the very idea such a form of sin education scares me. But then I never formally teach my kids about sin.

Prov 13:24: "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (diligently)."

Prov 19:18: "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying."

Prov 22:15: "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him."

Prov 29:15: "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame."

The example has been set:

Hebrews 12:6-7: "...the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son. Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?"

humblegyrl said:

Prov 13:24: "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (diligently)."

Prov 19:18: "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying."

Prov 22:15: "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him."

Prov 29:15: "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame."

The example has been set:

Hebrews 12:6-7: "...the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son. Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?"

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This does not mean one must hit your kids when words have already taught what is neded.

I think spanking educates the illogical mind of a child better than trying to reason or instruct them sometimes. I just have to laugh when I see parents kneeling beside their children trying to explain why they shouldn't do something. You can see the child just blankly gazing into the air.

Spanking points out this is a wrong behavior. You may not fully understand why right now, but be sure we don't approve, endorse, or accept what you did. It is wrong. That's the message it sends. You can use logic and one day it may finally click, but I believe from observing my children that a spanking teaches them immediately what is right and wrong and when they are older they may begin to understand why.