my husband committed adultery

tizherself · Jul 4, 2006

So,Autumnleaf, are you saying that if I had gone out and had an affair, had slept with other men, then my husband would have the right to divorce me. However when my husband has an affair, lies, and sleeps around - then I do not have the same right to leave him?? (Not to mention take my chances that I may contract HIV or some other nasty STD since this girl openly flaunts her "sexual talents"?) Are you saying that God does not give this provision for women, only for men??

tizherself · Jul 5, 2006

Autumnleaf said:
Wives are not scripturally allowed to divorce their husbands according to what Jesus had to say about it. These days what Jesus said doesn't seem to matter much concerning divorce.

I saw my husband tonight, and things went well for a while - 'til he made plans for us to get together with some of his friends who absolutely condoned what happened with us and thought I was a bad person for calling the police. We got in a heated argument, during which he both slapped me and grabbed me. As I fought to free myself, he grabbed me around the torso and slammed me to my knees a couple of times. Then he stood between me and the house (where my car keys were) until he said it was okay for me to leave. Needless to say I left a little shaken, scraped up and bruised...do you have a scripture to justify him now?? Or am I still obligated to take whatever he dishes out??

TheReasoner · Jul 5, 2006

tizherself said:
I saw my husband tonight, and things went well for a while - 'til he made plans for us to get together with some of his friends who absolutely condoned what happened with us and thought I was a bad person for calling the police. We got in a heated argument, during which he both slapped me and grabbed me. As I fought to free myself, he grabbed me around the torso and slammed me to my knees a couple of times. Then he stood between me and the house (where my car keys were) until he said it was okay for me to leave. Needless to say I left a little shaken, scraped up and bruised...do you have a scripture to justify him now?? Or am I still obligated to take whatever he dishes out??

Leave him. There is plenty of scriptural basis to justify a divorce from a Christian viewpoint.

He is obviously bad news, sorry to be so direct. But once again I must say he seems scaringly much like my psychotic ex, and nothing could keep me there. There are many ways to be killed. She threatened to stop my heart (i.e. kill my body) and worked hard on killing my mind and identity. Evil acts. It seems he is the same sort.

I adviced you earlier to leave him. I can certainly see how this is very hard for you, but I fear it will be much harder and more unhealthy if you try to weather the storm (if that is how that is said)

Autumnleaf · Jul 6, 2006

tizherself said:
I saw my husband tonight, and things went well for a while - 'til he made plans for us to get together with some of his friends who absolutely condoned what happened with us and thought I was a bad person for calling the police. We got in a heated argument, during which he both slapped me and grabbed me. As I fought to free myself, he grabbed me around the torso and slammed me to my knees a couple of times. Then he stood between me and the house (where my car keys were) until he said it was okay for me to leave. Needless to say I left a little shaken, scraped up and bruised...do you have a scripture to justify him now?? Or am I still obligated to take whatever he dishes out??

If he assaulted you you should call the police and have him arrested.

That said, if you had not argued with him, challenged his authority, do you think things would have went down like that? When we refuse to submit to Gods roles for us we invite all sorts of problems. Its sort of like filling up an unleaded gasoline vehicle with diesel fuel. It just doesn't work right. I suspect you think you are smarter than your husband who you don't seem to trust. Consequently you don't accept him as your authority in your marriage. I've been under the supervision of people I thought were inferior to me and every time I've shown them contempt it has hurt me in the end. When I show them respect it pays off for me. Thank God I work for people who are smart, kind, and competent so this is no longer an issue for me. Sorry it is for you. If you have faith and honor God's word this will work out. If you chaff under the yolk it probably won't.

Autumnleaf · Jul 6, 2006

tizherself said:
So,Autumnleaf, are you saying that if I had gone out and had an affair, had slept with other men, then my husband would have the right to divorce me. However when my husband has an affair, lies, and sleeps around - then I do not have the same right to leave him?? (Not to mention take my chances that I may contract HIV or some other nasty STD since this girl openly flaunts her "sexual talents"?) Are you saying that God does not give this provision for women, only for men??

It does seem that Jesus said it as you describe. Like much of the Bible, it doesn't seem fair or make sense to me.

HuntingMan · Jul 6, 2006

saw my husband tonight, and things went well for a while - 'til he made plans for us to get together with some of his friends who absolutely condoned what happened with us and thought I was a bad person for calling the police. We got in a heated argument, during which he both slapped me and grabbed me. As I fought to free myself, he grabbed me around the torso and slammed me to my knees a couple of times. Then he stood between me and the house (where my car keys were) until he said it was okay for me to leave. Needless to say I left a little shaken, scraped up and bruised...do you have a scripture to justify him now?? Or am I still obligated to take whatever he dishes out??

regardless of what you are told by a few heartless persons here and there, separate and divorce this man if you havent already !!

Rarely do woman beaters stop.

HuntingMan · Jul 6, 2006

faith guardian said:
Leave him. There is plenty of scriptural basis to justify a divorce from a Christian viewpoint.

He is obviously bad news, sorry to be so direct. But once again I must say he seems scaringly much like my psychotic ex, and nothing could keep me there. There are many ways to be killed. She threatened to stop my heart (i.e. kill my body) and worked hard on killing my mind and identity. Evil acts. It seems he is the same sort.

I adviced you earlier to leave him. I can certainly see how this is very hard for you, but I fear it will be much harder and more unhealthy if you try to weather the storm (if that is how that is said)

good advice.
prayerfully the poster will heed this advice and protect herself from the abuser.

HuntingMan · Jul 6, 2006

tizherself said:
So,Autumnleaf, are you saying that if I had gone out and had an affair, had slept with other men, then my husband would have the right to divorce me. However when my husband has an affair, lies, and sleeps around - then I do not have the same right to leave him?? (Not to mention take my chances that I may contract HIV or some other nasty STD since this girl openly flaunts her "sexual talents"?) Are you saying that God does not give this provision for women, only for men??

You have just as much right to protect yourself and to divorce under the NT as any man does.
Dont allow persons opinions in this matter to sway you.

Jesus presented Himself that the wife is just as capable of leaving as the man is.

Mar 10:11 And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.
Mar 10:12 And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

Jesus did not say there that the man alone could do this. He shows either as being possible.
The exception applies as your husband has broken his covenant to you with sexual sin.

Someone who tells you that a man cannot commit adultery against his wife in the same manner as a woman can, thus the rules are different, has not studied Gods whole word.
A man can commit adultery against his wife by having sex with another woman while still married to her before God, even if he has put his wife away. (Mark 10:11)

Autumnleaf · Jul 6, 2006

HuntingMan said:
regardless of what you are told by a few heartless persons here and there, separate and divorce this man if you havent already !!

Rarely do woman beaters stop.

Are you offering Christian based advice or just your gut reaction?

InTheFlame · Jul 6, 2006

Autumnleaf said:
Wives are not scripturally allowed to divorce their husbands according to what Jesus had to say about it. These days what Jesus said doesn't seem to matter much concerning divorce.

Unfortunately, as soon as you start separating genders because the male pronoun is used in the original text, you run into a WORLD of trouble. Do you have any idea how many biblical commands I can claim to be exempt from, just because they use 'him'?

Let's look at what else the bible says about divorce:

When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery."
Mark 10:10-12

To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.

TheReasoner · Jul 7, 2006

Autumnleaf said:
Are you offering Christian based advice or just your gut reaction?

Let´s see....

He does cocaine.
He beats her.
He has been unfaithful.
- repeatedly
He is very manipulative.

My "gut" feeling is that if she does not leave no good can come from this union. Would you advice anyone at all to stay in a union where their spouse was all these things and so much more?
Is your "Christian" advice that she stay with him?

Sorry, but since you seem to defend this man's actions I feel I need to ask;
Do YOU fit this template?

I know of a congregation that backed a pedophile, and more or less refusing to let his abused daughter leave because she should "honor her father". It makes me SICK to see such advice being called "Christian". Such advice is evil. Nothing less. This is very much the same. While a child is supposed to honor his or her parents it is NOT their task to honor them no matter what. If the parent abuses the child, the child should leave if it can. Which oh so often it cannot

If a spouse abuses another spouse the same thing treads in effect. Like I said, this is about life and death. There are many ways to die, many ways to be killed. Heart stopping is just one. How do you think this child turned out? How do you think this child now views Christianity? Can anyone blame it for hating it?
The current abuse is not much different from this. It does have some differences, of course. But the essence is on some points the same. In both instances the abuse kills. In both instances the advice given to stay does no good.

HuntingMan · Jul 7, 2006

Autumnleaf said:
Are you offering Christian based advice or just your gut reaction?

Are you?

I gave enough scripture from Jesus' own words to show that the wife is just as capable of putting away the husband as he is of putting her away.

HuntingMan · Jul 7, 2006

InTheFlame said:
Unfortunately, as soon as you start separating genders because the male pronoun is used in the original text, you run into a WORLD of trouble. Do you have any idea how many biblical commands I can claim to be exempt from, just because they use 'him'?

Let's look at what else the bible says about divorce:

When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery."
Mark 10:10-12

To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.

great scriptures ITF.
Those also present that the woman is just as capable of putting away/ divorcing as the man is.
Both are called to keep the marriage together if at all possible. Sometimes it isnt possible.

HuntingMan · Jul 7, 2006

faith guardian said:
Let´s see....

He does cocaine.
He beats her.
He has been unfaithful.
- repeatedly
He is very manipulative.

Sorry, but since you seem to defend this man's actions I feel I need to ask;
Do YOU fit this template?

Great question you asked there.
Id like to know the answer myself.

This woman has just cause to put this man away and if she so chooses later, to remarry.

pboop · Jul 7, 2006

tizherself said:
I just found out a couple of weeks ago that my husband has been using crystal meth and had an affair. I found out about the drug use when the police found it on him after he assaulted me in our home. I had suspected the affair, but found out for sure after his arrest. He now says that he took the drugs to counteract the fatigue he was feeling from the rigors of providing for our large family. He blames the infidelity on the drugs also. He says he will stop the drugs and that he repents of his adultery and wants to save our marriage. My family is worried for my safety and I worry that I'll never trust him again (one of the girls he was seeing goes to our church! He went to Mexico with her on a "work trip" but didn't tell me she was going and I found a camera with pictures full of he and she together, arms around each other - he says that they are just "good friends" and he didn't cheat with her!) I know the Lord despises divorce and I'd like to think that with help, the man I love could come back. But I am so broken and I don't know if the Lord is telling me to separate my self from this man, or if I should stay and work it out. I don't want to go through this again, and if he is unfaithful he may pass along something dangerous to me. I have 3 children from a previous marriage and don't want to get HIV or anything that would take me from them. I really need discernment! How do I know to trust him to stay off the drugs or be faithful when he has completely shattered my faith in him?

God bless you. I can honestly say I understand what your going through..my husband cheated too. Everyone here is a blessing to me and I know they'll be a blessing to you too. Believe me when I say I will pray for you and your children.

pboop · Jul 7, 2006

HuntingMan said:
great scriptures ITF.
Those also present that the woman is just as capable of putting away/ divorcing as the man is.
Both are called to keep the marriage together if at all possible. Sometimes it isnt possible.

My Lord...my Lord. This is why I get so scared at times. I thought if one lies with other than their spouse it gives reason for divorce. I don't feel God wants us to be used and/or abused.

livingword26 · Jul 7, 2006

Autumnleaf said:
Are you offering Christian based advice or just your gut reaction?

I've seen plenty of scripture supporting divorce for adultry. You on the other hand seem to list no scripture for you assumptions. Can you back up your "theories" with scripture or are you going to continue to try to put chains on this woman with your own gut reaction.

livingword26 · Jul 7, 2006

tizherself said:
I saw my husband tonight, and things went well for a while - 'til he made plans for us to get together with some of his friends who absolutely condoned what happened with us and thought I was a bad person for calling the police. We got in a heated argument, during which he both slapped me and grabbed me. As I fought to free myself, he grabbed me around the torso and slammed me to my knees a couple of times. Then he stood between me and the house (where my car keys were) until he said it was okay for me to leave. Needless to say I left a little shaken, scraped up and bruised...do you have a scripture to justify him now?? Or am I still obligated to take whatever he dishes out??

It is noble of you to try to work out your marriage. I am sure that the Lord is proud of you for your willingness to try. I also have no doubt that He has given you a very wide and obvious scriptural way out, as people have listed on this thread. By all means do not put your self in harms way. Call the police when he hurts you. If you still have marks call the police now. Get a restraining order. Also pray about exposing all of this to your pastor or elders (if you have not already). One thing I know for sure. He will not just change. If he is not getting help, if he is not confessing his sins before his elders, then he is not repenting and will not change. Keep seeking what the Lord wants you to do. But do not worry about being under bondage to him. He has given you a way out per His own word. God bless you sister.

HuntingMan · Jul 7, 2006

pboop said:
My Lord...my Lord. This is why I get so scared at times. I thought if one lies with other than their spouse it gives reason for divorce. I don't feel God wants us to be used and/or abused.

Im not sure if you are misunderstanding me or agreeing with me

No, God doesnt want you to be abused or cheated on.
Which is why He has laid out a lot of rules for marriage.

Autumnleaf · Jul 10, 2006

HuntingMan said:
Are you?

I gave enough scripture from Jesus' own words to show that the wife is just as capable of putting away the husband as he is of putting her away.

No, you didn't. You wailed away about how her husband is a jerk and she should leave him. This is more politically correct groupthink than it is Biblical advice. If you insist on standing by it at least admit what it is.

Nowhere in the Bible are wives told to leave their husbands for any reason. To the contrary, wives are to obey their husbands. There is no caveat about wives being able to disobey stupid or ignorant husbands. Wives are simply told to obey their husbands.

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