tizherself said:Well, I guess it depends what day/time you catch me. We have had good days, when I am thankful for the second chance to work things out, and alot of the drama has subsided (thank you Lord!), But lately I've just been feeling, I don't know, weary... My husband has been working really hard to restore our marriage, and admittedly, I haven't been easy to deal with. It just seems I'm always on guard - I love him and appreciate his efforts, but I feel like if I ease up, miss something, that he'll be right back at it. He's hurt by this, tells me he doesn't have the drugs clouding his judgement or his sanity anymore (he said I'm free to ask him to test anytime I like) and that he knows he made a horrible mistake and that he loves me and wants to make things right again. At the same time, he says he despairs that I'll ever give him the chance to be a "good guy" again. I do see his point, and believe me, want to believe, but how can I fake it? Or force it? It tires me out to be on the look out all the time, but I feel like I can't relax. He just wants us to be happy again and live a "normal" life (where I don't analyze or question everything he does, or everywhere he goes), I don't know if I can give him that - not yet anyways. I really thought I had more forgiveness in my heart, I want to have it, for both of our sakes, but I feel weak and insecure. I just pray that God will help me find it and that I can let Him work it in me. It occured to me also that I need restoration in my relationship with Jesus lately too. I'm finding myself distracted in my Bible studies, and when I know that I'm nit-picking, I shut out what I know is His Spirit pricking my conscious. I've just been crabby. I am praying to get back my First Love with Him, I've missed it..
In agreement Praying for you......
Let The Father Lead you....
Father I pray that you will give her peace, right now God, let your loving arms wrap around her in a loving and warm embrace, knowing that you can do all things but fail us God, You said that you would never leave us or forsake us, You said that you would be with us until the end, and to cast our burdens upon you because you care for us! We thank you oh Lord for all that you are doing and what you are going to do.... Lord we thank you for your child that is reaching out through Christian Forums to you and Lord if there has been any hurt and pain connected with this forum oh Lord we ask that you would pour out your spirit to heal each one. In your name we pray, amen! Rejoice Sister! He is here for you! God Bless You and Stay on your knees. Take back your relationship with God, Take back your Joy, take back your Peace! God is Good and His Mercy endureth Forever! There is nothing that you can't go to God for.
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