Signs that my husband is cheating on me... how can I know for sure?

tizherself

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I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this, especially at a time that should be filled with joyful anticipation. Even if your husband is telling the truth -where is he concern and compassion? He should be earnestly confirming his love and fidelity - not treating you so callously. Please try to keep your first and foremost focus on your little one - try not to let anyone take the tenderness from this time in your life!!
I'm sorry to say that I agree that your husband's excuses are really lame! And his reactions aren't reassuring. I went thru this too, within my first year of marriage, but I wasn't in the delicate circumstance you are. It's not exactly like you can skulk around after him.. To be honest, the way I found out was checking out the cell phone bill. I saw a particular phone number that I didn't recognize, repeated often and at odd times of the day/night. Sure enough, it was hers. I agree with the other posts that say if you ask God for revelation, He will answer you - He showed me things I never could have sleuthed out on my own. The saying "your sin will find you out" is true. And even if your spouse is being sly - he isn't fooling the Most High - he'll have to answer for what he did with the family God blessed him with. In the meantime, find someone to talk this through with - a pastor, a Christian counselor, someone who can take an outside look at what's going on. It would be ideal if your spouse joined you - but I'd go myself first. I will be praying for you and your new family. God bless you, give you peace and take you under His wing.


(ps - be safe - maybe now is the time to put those condoms to use until you know he's being truthful)
 
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RealityCheck

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Katomi said:
For some people, when blow up over a question of great importance like this, they are usually lying. They get angry because they've been caught, and they turn the blame onto you. I know this because I experience it on a daily basis.

If nothing was up at all, he would have had a calmer response to your inquiry, even if it did make you out to not trust him he still should have been able to give you a calm response..

In my opinion, something is up.

And if nothing is up, you have some major communication issues, and should probably get into counselling anyway. Anger is no way to respond to ANY question, regardless of the nature of the question.

~ ~

What she said.

I will also say that I completely understand you wanting a good life for your baby (what sane parent wouldn't) and as a result possibly thinking that NOT confronting him is the best course of action to assure this. But I assure you, it is not. You know inside that there is a problem in your marriage, and if you ignore it the only person it will end up not hurting is your husband. It will hurt you and your child.

If he is cheating, he is not going to stop on his own or because you question him and accept his responses. If he sees no reason to stop, he won't (because he already saw no reason not to start). You have to give him that reason. And it's better to do it now, before your child is born, rather than wait a year or several years.

If you confront this problem now, and force the issue (get into counselling with him - don't accept going on your own), you nip this problem when it is fresh and give your marriage and family a much better shot at recovery and sticking together. You wait, and let him continue to get away with whatever it is he's doing, and it will be that much more painful and difficult to resolve your problems.


I suggest also you not merely explore one avenue to get this resolved. Don't JUST go to marriage counselling, don't JUST get your pastor/minister involved... do everything you can, take all possible avenues open to you. This is your marriage, and if you think it's worth saving, it's worth going all out to save it.
 
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kayd1966

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Sorry to hear you are in this situation...I'd have to agree with the previous posters and at the same time...say its time to get a PI or someone you can trust to check this out.

Above all...take care of yourself. There is never a good time to mess with the unknown...being pregnant makes its a really bad time to mess with it.

I am praying for you and your situation

God Bless
 
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sjdennis

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Autumnleaf said:
You are justified in being suspicious. Ask him about it and watch his eyes when he answers. See what they betray or convince you of.
Just a point about watching people's eyes. Most people say "look into my eyes and tell me that you're telling the truth" or something like that. However, someone who is lying can easily look into your eyes and say something. When someone is telling the truth, they will often LOOK AWAY as they are thinking and trying to remember what the truth is, so they can tell you it. It is easier for many people to look someone in the eye and make up something to tell them, than to remember the truth without looking away.

On the big issue, sorry to say that I would have to agree with everyone else.
 
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Meliza

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feelinghopeless said:
I tried talking to him today over the phone, because if I do in face to face he will most likely storm out and be gone for the rest of the day. I was calm about it, and asked why would he have different condoms at different times and if I could get an explanation... and that I am not accusing him of anything but would like a reasonable answer and to be sure that he is not cheating on me... he got in a huge fit, said that there was only one because he gave one to his friend and the other one is still in the package... I wanted to know why this one is out of the package if he did not intend on using it... he got even angrier and said if I keep asking him questions and not trusting him then he will start cheating on me and he hung up...
40 minutes later he calls me as if nothing happened, said his mother called and invited us for dinner.
I am so broken up inside, there is no point in confronting him anymore because it will only make things worse... I don't know what to do and Ive been so deppressed and crying alot lately which is not good for the baby
I feel sorry for you and your baby that you have to get thru this kind of situation. I understand how you feel. It's really hard to live day by day thinking whats your husband up to when his out and away from home. And finding this stuff on his posession wasn't really right...it is so iresponsible and unfair for him to even make you worry about this kind of stuff...if ur husband says that its not his...then why he has it???...and his freinds can't afford a condom? I ask my husband about this and he told me that something is going wrong...coz a guy wont need a condom if he doesn't intent to use it...So..please be strong and pray that things gonna be ok...talk to him once more and try to tell him how you feel about it and that you need a peace of mind....for you and your baby...
 
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livin4christ9203

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Katomi said:
For some people, when blow up over a question of great importance like this, they are usually lying. They get angry because they've been caught, and they turn the blame onto you. I know this because I experience it on a daily basis.

If nothing was up at all, he would have had a calmer response to your inquiry, even if it did make you out to not trust him he still should have been able to give you a calm response..

In my opinion, something is up.

And if nothing is up, you have some major communication issues, and should probably get into counselling anyway. Anger is no way to respond to ANY question, regardless of the nature of the question.

~ ~
This isn't completely true, I see you said for "some" I can't speak for all men, but I know for my husband he is the opposite.. when he's lying or trying to keep something from me, he is calmer and more relaxed about it, like he is reaaally trying to keep me from finding out, it's neve rbeen anything like this.. but for the little things. But when I have ever accused him of anything.. he will get super defensive, especially when he hasn't done it.. and I"m pretty much the same way, except I get defensive in a more calm way.

For the poster, I will keep you in my prayers and I hope everything works out for you. It does sound suspicious and I'm really sorry for what you are going through. Just keep praying about it, don't give up on God, he will see you through!

God Bless You!
 
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AirForceTeacher

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he got even angrier and said if I keep asking him questions and not trusting him then he will start cheating on me and he hung up...

Alarm bells ringing ... you need to find a way to have this conversation in front of a loving, if possible neutral, party.
 
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ItalianAngel

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hi feelinghopeless,

I'm so sorry that you are going through this at a time when you should be looking forward to the birth of your baby and not worrying about your husband being faithful to you.

Sadly, the mere fact that he gets very defensive when you ask him questions (about the condoms) tells me he is indeed cheating or thinking about it and his reaction is a result of his guilty conscience. If he truly wasn't cheating or feeling guilty about anything, his top priority would be to lovingly reassure you nothing is going on.

You said your husband got upset with you for not trusting him about the condoms. But you have every right not to trust him. Would your husband trust you if he found another man's phone number and a hotel key in your purse? You need to let your husband know in no uncertain terms that cheating is just not acceptable and demand that you two go to a marriage counsler. If he is unwilling, you both need to take a closer examination of your marriage. Your husband needs to be a man and make you and your unborn child his top priorites and grow up. Be strong, hon. God will see this through!

blessings,
~Michele:angel:
 
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givengrace

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feelinghopeless said:
I want to trust him, and it kills me not knowing what is going on. I want a good life for our unborn child and for the two of us to be happy. I don't know what to do... more on my situation in married couples only.
I'm very sorry to hear what your going though. I see you are a Christian I want to ask is your husband? and are you in a church? I just thought maybe they could help you. You're family is in my prayers
 
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