Enjoying the company of hubby

Tamam said:

I am 20 years into this marriage, have 2 teenagers, and am in my 50's. At this stage in my marriage I would say the times that I enjoy my husbands company are greatly outweighed by the time I don't. He's not abusive he's just boring and aggravating. How do you all feel about your relationship with your husbands.....please be at least 15 years into the relationship to answer.

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Tamam said:

please be at least 15 years into the relationship to answer.

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katallasso said:

Thanks for the smile you two....lol

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Tamam said:

I am 20 years into this marriage, have 2 teenagers, and am in my 50's. At this stage in my marriage I would say the times that I enjoy my husbands company are greatly outweighed by the time I don't. He's not abusive he's just boring and aggravating. How do you all feel about your relationship with your husbands.....please be at least 15 years into the relationship to answer.

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JoannaJoy said:

Married 26 years.
4 kids, all in their 20's now and out of the house for the most part.

I think you get what you put into it.
I'd like to say my DH is Mr. Perfect, always kind, considerate, helpful and attentive, wooing me day in and day out.......
But he's not.

(And I'm no Mrs. Perfect either - not by a long shot!)

We drifted apart some as the kids were growing up - especially when they were in their teens and we were running in 4 directions at once. We got so focused on the kids and their schedules, and on church and work activities that we stopped focusing on our own relationship. We didn't fight and weren't really unhappy, we just didn't have the closeness we'd once had and didn't really do much together without the kids. As the older ones moved out though, I started making more of an effort to be interested in what he was interested in and tried a little bit harder to be available to do things with him. We never really talked about it, but once I started making more time for him, he started really making an effort to spend time with me, too. Things didn't change overnight, but after about a year I woke up one morning and realized that I was probably happier in my marriage than I'd been since we were newlyweds.

We're both pretty boring. (Our leisure time conversations usually revolve around his day at work - or mine, the wildlife in our yard, hunting/fishing etc. and the kids or the dogs. ). We both do things with friends and have interests that the other doesn't pursue. But we make an effort to walk the dogs together, rent a movie once a week or so and go out to eat a couple of times a month so that we have time to really focus on each other and on our relationship. We also both have a thing for 'love presents' . Not expensive things, but little thoughtful things that show we're thinking of each other when we're apart. This week the bag of Hershey Hugs I found by the computer and the new hiking guide I download and left on his chair with the 2006 trail pass kind of got us past the boring and reminded us that we're loved and valued.

I guess we're kind of boring - no razzle dazzle or candlelight dinners - but we didn't do that when we were dating or newlywed either......

(I have also noticed that though we miss the kids, there's sooo much less stress in our lives now that they've gone out on their own. We had pretty easy kids, too, but there was all that extra energy and tension......... We miss them but love being able to focus on ourselves and each other.)

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Redguard said:

Rats!

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• they have shared values - they agree on what constitutes acceptable behaviour. They share ideas of honesty, trustworthiness, fidelity, integrity, work ethic, religious beliefs and the meaning of family.

• they know the difference between love and commitment - they are mature enough to know that even in the closest relationship, love ebbs and flows. There will be feelings of not love, boredom, anger, resnetment and even hate. Successful couples know these intervals don't last.

• they share common interests - this isn't as important as shared values, but it helps build companionship between 2 ppl.

• they fight fair - many couples break up because they don't know how to resolve conflict. Happy couples stick to the issue, trying to resolve it, rather than sticking to the argument and trying to punish the other person.

• they share goals - having discussed what they each expect from the relationship, they agree about where the relationship is going, and what it's purpose is. They know each other's opinion on lifestyle, whether to have children, how much money they'll need and how they'll invest that money.

• they're each other's best friend - there is no secret, vulnerability or fear that can't be expressed and met with understanding and empathy. Best friends not only love each other, but look after, defend, protect and are loyal to each other. They put each other first. They don't always agree, but they accept each other completely.

• they're sexually compatible - there's no predicting what turns ppl on. What matters is that a couple communicates and accommodates each other.

• they know the difference between compromise and prostitution - they are willing to do for each other what they would not contemplate doing for anyone else. But they also know themselves well enough to refuse to participate in anything that prostitues themselves.

• they make you feel at ease - any room is better for them being there. They transmit a sense of sanity, safety, lightness and maturity. Thay say negativity is catching, but so is positivity.