Mania and Walk with God

I Finally Understand. . .
Why my skies are so happy and yet so dark blue,
And what it is that makes you love me.
Why everything around me is so old and yet so new,
Why I feel completely trapped and totally free.
I finally understand. . .
What it is that makes me seperate,
And what it is that draws me in.
Just why I can see invisible things around me,
And what it is that makes them disappear.
I finally understand. . .
What makes the rain so gray and lonely,
And the same showers so fresh and compelling. . .
Why my world is a little different,
And why I enjoy...
Why I enjoy it.

A Shackled Soul...
Is there a cure for lonely anguish
The sort found locked within
A shackled soul with no hope at all
For the many failing to see
With sustaining prayers or remedy
If we wilt from inside
Yet from life refuse to hide
Will we go on until peace is abound
If we expire from inside
And our soul expires of life
And we expire as we submit to strife
For when we wilt from inside
Yet from life refuse to hide
Can then we go on until peace is found
For we are inside
Not wishing to hide
And our power is the passion of men.

i think living one day at a time is the best for us.
living daily in God's love and learning to embrace whatever blessings we can is our hope, faith, perserverance, and submission to God's devine will for us. i think we can learn to love some of our crazy spells of rushed thoughtfulness. i take mine out in art and poetry. when i can't consentrate i use other coping skills.

lately i find working here on CF as a moderator has been blessing me with not only spititual food, but to use my spiritual gifts outside helping at church; is a huge grounding outtlet and blessing. i feel purpose in my day. i just love it! CF is really a nice ministry ...

our daily walk is important. you can be blessed from learning about your walk. and your post says you are not only learning about your walk, but you are drawn to God and those times of closeness to him. He doesn't leave you in the times your mind strays. learn to embrace these times and give them back as thanksgiving too. see yourself whole. i know this is a funny post. i hope you get what i mean though. we are His in all of the stages in our dx.

I find when I'm really high I get very religious, like I really think I can preach a sermon. My Pastor even knows this and ignors me at this time. When I'm depressed I dont go to the word even though its when I should the most.

when we get overboard and meds don't help... either it's time to practicing management skills (our own list of things to help cope, including sleep), or to get to doctor or councel.

i think we shouldn't get ignored ... ever.... maybe redirected and understood.

I have found spending most of my time in depression has sealed my reliance upon God not to take my own life and to trust Him and his plan, being bp2 I do not get as "high" in my manias, but am learning that I am just as "out of step" then and am trying touse the strength I learned in the depths of my depressions to aid me during those manic times. To infuse my mind with god's truth and God's will abd not my thoughts. It is not easy, but focusing on God and faith, not on me and my beliefs is a skill all believers have to learn

bshaw96 said:

I am learning sooo much the weeks since my dx. One is about my walk with God. I can look back over my past and see times where I was sooooo passionate about my walk, only to lose it a couple of weeks later. It has ALWAYS frustrated me, didn't understand it. But now I understand more. In my low times, I really seek God, b/c only He provides the comfort I need, but in my high times, I feel so "good" I don't make the time to seek Him like I should. If Im feeling "really good", I can't slow my brain down enough to pray, much less read the Bible. Does anyone else have similar experiences, and if so, how do you deal with it?

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I felt quite similar to this for a while. When hypomania peaked so did my passion for just about everything, including God. But I had one very major depressive episode and that changed it all for me. Through that point, I had no one...except God. I held on to Him with everything in me and one night at a crusade I dragged myself to the alter as the Spirit led me and was slain. I never knew that joy like that existed. I try to live my life now as a constant expression of worship and praise for how magnificent He is. Not only for what He's done in me. I still struggle when moods hit and I get sulky but I remind myself of when He delivered me from and I praise Him anyway. I talk to Him more because I feel crappy.

It's good that you can see how your swings alter your relationship with God, or rather how you relate to God. That's a start. What I would encourage you to do is channel that passion into serving him. I'm learnt to use the times of not sleeping and not eating and general hyperactivity to create artwork dedicated to Him. In Touched by Fire Kay Redfield Jamison explored the link between bipolar and creativity. I'm like that, much more creative when I'm manic so I do something that glorifies God with it. That way, the enemy doesn't have a stronghold with this illness. Because what he meant for bad, God enabled me to use for Good.
Take care, God Bless,
Youthwalk

Hi Bshaw,

Yeah. My case is like yours. When I was in depression I felt worthless, and in mania (not long) I felt I was a great man. In fact whatever in depression or mania, my thoughts are all not true, but in mania are more wrong. I prefer chose depression than mania, for at least in depression i still has basic recognizing about myself. And I know in my self feeling, generally depression is much more painful than Manic; it is a message to tell me that I need Lord and friends.

Bless Yusuph