question for girls

jjoel · Mar 3, 2006

Lets say hypothetically your boyfriend at one point struggled with inappropriate contentography. Ever since being in a relationship with you he hasn't acted on that struggle (i.e. watched seen inappropriate content etc.)

Would you want to know about his past? How would you feel about that? Would you want to know this before you got married?

ChildOfGod20 · Mar 3, 2006

yes i would want to know that. i would want to know everything about his past. not because it would bother me (since hes over it now) but because i would want to know as much as i can about him before we got married

Audiomechanic · Mar 3, 2006

Hmm....Good question! I am curious to hear from ladies on this one as well.

Princess Leia · Mar 3, 2006

Yes, I'd want to know, especially if there was a possibility of us getting married. I'd want to know everything about him... the things he's struggled with included.

~Beauty_from_Pain~ · Mar 3, 2006

Yes, I would like to know too. Having a "hidden" past is very dangerous, in my opinion. A person should know up front who they are marrying, etc. I feel that couples should be able to share these things with each other in order to prevent this being a problem later. After all, if the person can't "deal" with the other person's past then they are going to have problems later.

Bunnymedic · Mar 3, 2006

I would want to know about it,especially before we got married.My ex fiance had a inappropriate content problem before he got saved and stuggled with it during our relationship.He would tell me about it and I could tell he felt guilty about it.I never condemned him for it(because he was always beating himself up over it anyway),just prayed for him .It bothered me but not to where I would break up with him.He finally defeted it and as far as I know has not gone back.inappropriate contentography is a struggle for a lot a guys.In fact,I believe most men have struggled with it at some time or another.It's hard not too when society is throwing these images of half-naked women in your face all the time.I would just be glad that he had overcome and was now free of that bondage.I wouldn't pry too deep into his past with it other than to know that he struggled with it and his feelings about it now.I don't need to know every little detail about it...

Kriegermädchen · Mar 4, 2006

I would want to know everything before we were married.

bumblebee62331 · Mar 4, 2006

Yes I would want to know, purely because I want to know him. That includes what he has struggled with in the past. I'd rather know so that I can recognise signs if it arises again. Of course, I would share all of my past problems with him too.

That's what a relationship is all about - communication and helping each other because you love each other and want the best. :hug:

Super Gnat · Mar 4, 2006

I wouldn't want to know, but I would need to know, especially if/when we got engaged.

plum · Mar 4, 2006

Yes I would want to know because we are honestly never free from temptation. And to be truly open with one another would mean being honest and forthright about our individual struggles and weaknesses.
My boyfriend has struggled with inappropriate content and I know about it. He even tells me if he falls so he is honest about it and so that he knows he is accountable.

seamonster · Mar 5, 2006

Before I got married I wanted to know. Not everyone wants/needs to know, but I'm glad my husband and I discussed this aspect of our lives and were open about it before marriage. Any information he disclosed to me about his past I kept private and did not affect how I felt about him or what I thought about him. I know he feels the same way about my past.

sweetlambofgod · Mar 5, 2006

yes I would want it know about his struggles

vibrant · Mar 5, 2006

nevermind

sweetlambofgod · Mar 5, 2006

but if she asks, be ready to tell her

sherri · Mar 6, 2006

I wouldn't want to know what his past was. But I would definately want to know where he was in the present.

I think any woman is being really naive to marry a guy with a inappropriate content problem. Besides actually cheating, it's probably the biggest force other then physical or emotional abuse in destroying a marriage.

sparrow · Mar 6, 2006

I don't know if I would want to know. It would probably make me feel terrible, as I'm pretty insecure like that.

ashley lynne · Mar 6, 2006

Yes, I'd want to know. If there was a chance of us getting married eventually or something, I'd definitely want to know.
The past is past, and it wouldn't make me think of him any less. I'd just want to know eventually about that past mistakes he has made. I'm sure the guys would like to know about our past mistakes eventually too.

Doubledb · Mar 11, 2006

Bunnymedic said:
I would want to know about it,especially before we got married.My ex fiance had a inappropriate content problem before he got saved and stuggled with it during our relationship.He would tell me about it and I could tell he felt guilty about it.I never condemned him for it(because he was always beating himself up over it anyway),just prayed for him .It bothered me but not to where I would break up with him.He finally defeted it and as far as I know has not gone back.inappropriate contentography is a struggle for a lot a guys.In fact,I believe most men have struggled with it at some time or another.It's hard not too when society is throwing these images of half-naked women in your face all the time.I would just be glad that he had overcome and was now free of that bondage.I wouldn't pry too deep into his past with it other than to know that he struggled with it and his feelings about it now.I don't need to know every little detail about it...

I agree with whats she said ^

I have struggle with this - but God is helping me and i only tell my best friends.. so if i was in a serious relationship i feel it would eventually have to come out or i would be hiding one of my darkest struggles. I feel that if i didnt tell my wife i could secrelt fall back inot ti and then hide it from her, which would NOT be good. i believe a guy needs his wife to help him, keep him accountable, and pray for him.. just as the man should do the same if his wife has certian struggles.

one must always remember that no one is perfect and i believe ALL christians will find a secret sin or horrible sin that they will struggle with.. probably for most of their life - this is our flesh but never as excuse to sin.

-Doubledb
:wave:

nathan82 · Mar 11, 2006

Wow, general concensus is you want to know.

Would knowing the fact make you feel disgusted, possibly even breaking up with that person?

Guys have their pride. The reason there is conflict with revealing such a painful, shameful secret is just that.

Super Gnat · Mar 11, 2006

If the gf is a person who can't deal with a person who's had past struggles with inappropriate contentography, then she shouldn't be with that guy. If the two people are seriously thinking about marriage, then that's all the more reason to tell her. Deception means potentially horrible consequences for the future marriage. That's the kind of thing that people should know about each other before they get married, in order to find out whether or not it's a good idea for them to get married.

Remember, the goal here is to figure out whether the two people should marry each other. You shouldn't be trying to keep your relationship at any cost; rather, you should be trying to find out whether or not it is a relationship which should be kept at any cost.
And an important part of that is being honest with each other.

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