Joke

Spicy McHaggis · Jun 18, 2002

Okay, Moses, Jesus and an old man are out golfing.

Moses steps up to the tee, takes his swing and the ball goes directly into a water hazard in front of the green. "No problem" says Moses, walks up to the hazard, spreads his arms. The water parts, Moses walks in, chips it onto the green, putts in in for three.

Now it's Jesus' turn. He tees up, takes his cut and the ball heads directly for the same water hazard. This time, the ball floats. Jesus walks out onto the water, putts it in for two.

Now comes the old man. He steps up and takes this wild haymaker of a swing. The ball slices WAY off course, onto the roof of a house. It rolls down the roof into the gutter. When it pops out the drain spout, a frog promptly grabs the ball in it's mouth. No sooner does the frog start to hop away when it's swooped up by a hawk. Just about the time the hawk is passing a nearby road, the frog opens it's mouth to yell, dropping the ball. It's falls toward the road, bounds off the windshield of a passing car, onto the green, hole in one.

Moses looks over at Jesus and says...

"That's the last time we're golfing with your dad."

kimmee · Jun 18, 2002

hahahaha

hollygirl · Jun 18, 2002

lol, that's cute

JustinY2K · Jun 18, 2002

How about this:

A Pastor had just moved to a new church, and was visiting with some of the families from his congregation. He'd go in, talk for a while and visit with them. He evtually came to this one house where it was obvious someone was there, but no matter how long he spent trying to get someone to come to the door, no one came. He took one of his business cards and wrote "Revelations 3:20" on the back. The next Sunday in the collection plate was his business card. Under what he put, there was "Genesis 3:10." He looked up the verse, his face turned red and he started chuckling.

Rev. 3:20 reads:Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me.

Genesis 3:10 reads :So he said, " I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked;and I hid myself."

Spicy McHaggis · Jun 18, 2002

This isn't necessarily a joke, but the Bible verses in the last post reminded me, and sorry if it's old news...

Al Gore, when asked in a debate what his favorite Bible verse is, biffed on John 3:16 (the verse that EVERYBODY knows), and said John 16:3

"They will do such things because they have not know the Father or me."

allieisme · Jun 21, 2002

that was funny, I have to copy that one

Mid · Aug 11, 2002

I LOVE it. The jokes had me rolling! THey are absolutely adorable!

tyler4588 · Aug 12, 2002

Haha! These jokes are funny.

will_wait4Him · Aug 18, 2002

LOL!!!

waterwizard · Aug 20, 2002

A man with a broken leg walked into a diner. As he sat down he noticed Jesus sitting at the counter. He asked the waitress, "Is that Jesus over there?" The waitress said yes, and the man said, "Give him a soda on me."
Then a deaf man came in and sat down, and noticed Jesus, too. He asked the waitress the same question, and after she said yes he told her to let him have whatever he wanted to eat.
A third man came in and sat down. He noticed Jesus at the counter and asked the waitress,"Is that that Jesus fellow over there?" The waitress said "Yes it is." The man said, "Well, let me buy him dessert."
After a while Jesus got up and went to the man with the broken leg. He said "Thank you for your kindness," and touched his leg and it was healed. Jesus then went to the deaf man and thanked him, touched his ear and the deaf man could hear. Then He went to the third man. The man got up and jumped back and said, "Don't touch me, man!! I'm on disability!!"

Spicy McHaggis · Aug 20, 2002

Jesus and the devil are both working at a large corporation one day, typing away like mad on their computers. All of the sudden the powere goes out.

It comes on a few minutes later and the devil is hopping mad. He's running around yelling and screaming about losing all his data, all the work he did that day is gone.

He looks over at J.C., whos' got this calm little smirk on His face. The devil asks "what are you so happy about? We just lost all our progress."

Jesus, sandals crossed, heands behind head, simply says, "I didn't lose any data...

...Jesus Saves."

I know, pretty lame, but sometimes the stupidest jokes are funny to me...

EspressoDuck · Feb 1, 2003

Actually, there is a longer version of that joke, and it goes like this-

There was a man on earth whom Jesus wanted to heal and the Devil wanted to hurt. So they both went to God, and God said "We will have a competition. Whoever can get the most done on the computer in one hour will get to save or hurt the man." So the began. Jesus and Satan worked like mad, e-mailing, sending faxes, writing reports, creating websites, downloading programs, and so forth. Suddenly, a great storm cuts all the power. When everything comes back on, the Devil screams in agony to find that all of his information is lost. But Jesus calmly resumes transferring his programs to a disk, and finishes just as God comes in, announcing the hour is up. Satan cries- "He cheated! How could he still have all his information! You helped him!" But God says- "I did no such thing, the answer is simple- Jesus Saves."

sk8Joyful · Oct 18, 2005

Where do people find these jokes, anyway... LOL
~~~

iklepac13 said:
Okay, Moses, Jesus and an old man are out golfing.

Moses steps up to the tee, takes his swing and the ball goes directly into a water hazard in front of the green. "No problem" says Moses, walks up to the hazard, spreads his arms. The water parts, Moses walks in, chips it onto the green, putts in in for three.

Now it's Jesus' turn. He tees up, takes his cut and the ball heads directly for the same water hazard. This time, the ball floats. Jesus walks out onto the water, putts it in for two.

Now comes the old man. He steps up and takes this wild haymaker of a swing. The ball slices WAY off course, onto the roof of a house. It rolls down the roof into the gutter. When it pops out the drain spout, a frog promptly grabs the ball in it's mouth. No sooner does the frog start to hop away when it's swooped up by a hawk. Just about the time the hawk is passing a nearby road, the frog opens it's mouth to yell, dropping the ball. It's falls toward the road, bounds off the windshield of a passing car, onto the green, hole in one.

Moses looks over at Jesus and says...

"That's the last time we're golfing with your dad."

Warrior4Truth309 · Oct 18, 2005

lol that was good

TheMainException · Oct 18, 2005

Neko-Samurai · Oct 18, 2005

Those are all so funny

Teeheeheehee ! Lol !

godisgr8 · Oct 18, 2005

Lol!!!

sk8Joyful · Oct 18, 2005

waterwizard - told us, all but 1 part, of this story. Perhaps he/she is not aware of the rest?

If so, read the story - and then, continue from there...

waterwizard said:
A man with a broken leg walked into a diner. As he sat down he noticed Jesus sitting at the counter.
He asked the waitress, "Is that Jesus over there?" The waitress said yes, and the man said, "Give him a soda on me."
Then a deaf man came in and sat down, and noticed Jesus, too. He asked the waitress the same question,
and after she said yes he told her to let him have whatever he wanted to eat.
A third man came in and sat down. He noticed Jesus at the counter and asked the waitress,"Is that that Jesus fellow over there?"
The waitress said "Yes it is." The man said, "Well, let me buy him dessert."
After a while Jesus got up and went to the man with the broken leg. He said "Thank you for your kindness," touched his leg and it was healed.
Jesus then went to the deaf man and thanked him, touched his ear and the deaf man could hear.

Then He went to the third man. The man got up, jumped back and said, "Don't touch me, man!! I'm on disability!!"

were I to understand that as possibly intended, the man on
' $dis$-ability 'wanted nothing to do with *Healing*, as then he would lose - $2ndary-Benefits$, including compassion.

And what life-savers both can be, in bestowing *a hand back UP*. (a few times in my life,
(setting my own fierce independence aside) - I have agreed to accepting others contributions - Yet
always eyeing continued independence).

But from my 30yrs. service in medical specialties, I am sad to report:
Jesus's Bible admonitions, of (*Healing*: as a common Testimonial event in people's daily lives)...
is actively resented, thus 'persecuted' - by practitioners plus most consumers.

Well, what were you to think, were you presented with a spiritual-opportunity for
both: an $honest livlihood$, plus the personal satisfaction of helping people
*enjoy life, Free of dis-comforts & dis-ease*.

Anyone ready to bring GOD: Praise, Honor, & Glory? :wave:

horseluva42792 · Oct 19, 2005

Saviot'Valuan · Oct 19, 2005

Joke

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