Opinions from men please

I met a Christian man on eharmony. He's 45, never had a serious relationship with a woman, never been in love. Our first date we talked for 3 hours. Before our 3rd date he asked me to attend classes at church on building a better marriage to see if we were compatible for marriage. I have two kids and we agreed that he wouldn't get to know my kids until we were sure we were headed for marriage.

We met eachother's friends and family and he told me it was time to meet my kids. He spoke of "when we get married..." Halfway through our classes I felt led to share something about my past. A week later he broke up with me because of it. Let me just say that the couple leading our classes felt and told him that it was not a reason to break up.

After our break up he mentioned that his housemates noticed that he had been down. Later he tells me that he's quitting eharmony since he hasn't met anyone since me and tells me that he has been neglecting his relationship with God. Almost two weeks ago he was nice enough to spend 3 hours with me while I purchased a new car. That evening I dropped off some cookies as a thank you. This was the first time I had seen the inside of his home. Every time I went to the door to leave he found something else to show me. This happened at least 5 times and it was very obvious that he was not ready for me to leave, but I had to get home to feed my kids. We have emailed back and forth a few times since, but he does not call me.

I really felt that God had brought us together and it would seem that he felt that way also. Some of his actions and comments since our break up have confused me and made me think that he was regretting his decision, but he has never told me that. Maybe I'm assuming he knows too much, but I would think that he would realize that some of the things that he has been saying might give me false hope of a reconciliation. Our break up was almost 3 months ago, but right afterwards I sent him a long email telling him how much I had cared for him and how much it hurt for him to end it. If he was having second thoughts about ending the relationship wouldn't he just tell me?

MyChristianForumID said:

I don't know him so I may be way off base... Sorry in advance but I am generalizing...

He is very selfish. Every additional year of single-ship makes him more selfish. He has no idea what it means to be responsible for kids, or to be selfless. He probably thinks it is horrible to be chained to a partner and to parenthood. He doesn't know what a blessing it is.

Does he love you?

Click to expand...

On the second date we discussed what role I would want him to play in my kids' lives if we got married. I told him I was looking for a man to take on the role of father since my ex moved to another country. That was the answer he was hoping for. He didn't want to get involved with anyone where the kids were moving from house to house. He wanted to have more kids with me also.

At my request we got together a few days after our initial break up and he told me that the feelings that he had for me were gone and he took that as God's answer to his prayer for guidance. A few days later he told me that he cared for me as a friend. So I was suprised when he mentioned a short time later how the break up had been hard on us. (We were discussing another couple and how they treated eachother.) When I asked him what part had been hard on him he told me that he had been feeling down and his housemates were asking what was wrong.

When we started dating, several people voiced concern about his lack of prior relationships. I thought he was just waiting for me.

Thank you all for your responses. I would much prefer that he initiate any further contact, but I think eventually I will have to ask him if he really feels at peace with his decision. He is still in my heart and I pray for his relationship with God to be strengthened. It's hard to let go after picturing him as the spiritual head of my family and thinking what an honor it would be to submit to a God-fearing, praying, singing man like him. I will continue praying for now.

Just a little update. I do appreciate all of the opinions I got here. A little over a week ago I asked my ex-bf if he had peace with his decision to end our relationship. He answered very quickly, "Yes." We talked well over an hour about all kinds of things. I was sad that evening, but a few days later I realized that I had not been thinking of him that often and when I did it was in the terms of friendship.

I'm praising God for this healing and change and maybe looking at the start of a changed friendship.