Why are you single?

Stanfi said:

But I am a reject. It's a simple valid explanation. I have learned to see things for what they are.

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Brother Stanfi, you are not a reject. You are loved, accepted and worthwhile. You have friends who care about you, you have people who are interested in what you have to say, you are a valuable person. Just because you have not met "the one" does not make you a reject - it just means that the woman who will recognize the great qualities you have has not found you yet.

Know that you have many people here who care about you and love you and accept you and want the best for you. Trust in Christ that all will be well because it will be - be of good cheer.

I agree with you FlatpickingJD. Well said!!!

HoosierCanuck: I think we all too often let indivuduals determine our self worth instead of letting God determine it. We do not need to let the world get us down. We are only here a short time and have the rest of eternity to spend with God. I think we need to enjoy our time here don't get me wrong but we cannot be discouraged by what people think about us. If they do not love you and want you for who you are then that person is not worth having anyway. We all have so much to offer it is just discouraging at times to not have someone to share that with on a more pesonal level. I think we all love and care for each other here as can be determined by how we lift each other up. So, our personal life bites to an extend but it should not be what tells us we are loved, important, or valuable as a person or child of God.

OK, OK, I know you didn't want the stereotypical "haven't met the right man yet", but that's really what it boils down to for me! I am on the picky side of things, but there are two men I could've ended up with, & one more than the other, but he died. It's not that I've given up since then - I haven't - believe me! I just haven't met any new Christian men that I consider eligible for me.

Yes, I am on the picky side, but I'd rather stay single than merely settle because I want to be married.

I think part of it for me, too, now, is that I've just gotten so used to being single that it's like part of my identity. I'll have to change that if I get married! Although I would change it in a heartbeat if God's man for me came along - if God has a man for me.

Hope I'm not getting too set in my ways for marriage! :S heehee

Hi NorthWord. Welcome to the Mature Singles! It's nice to have you join us.

So sorry to hear about the guy who died. It's good to hear you haven't given up though. I don't think there's anything wrong with being picky, so long as one doesn't expect the other person to be more "perfect" than you are, if ya know what I mean.

Yeah, being single is part of my identity too. There's a lot I enjoy about being single, like not talking if I don't want to, or doing a hobby for hours on end if I feel like it.

Sometimes I do have doubts about finding someone, but that's a shame on me because it shows my lack of faith in God's sovereignty. I do have my moments of doubt though, especially when I hear people talking about their families. I'm reminded of how I could have used guidance or encouragment (a LOT of it!) to date in my 20s, but received none.

On better days, I believe that God's already picked out someone for me (still), and it's just a matter of getting out there and finding each other.

Thanks for the kind words of sympathy, Jenster. There're still times when I miss him like crazy because of what we loved mutually, but it's not the heartache like it was. I am open to a new man if God wills it, but I'm also ready to be content in my singleness if that's what God wills. Yes, pickiness is good, but, as you said, not to expect him to be more perfect than me. I do have my ideal man, but there're so many things in that ideal I've come to realise I can do without. There are the essentials, the main one being devotion to God, either at my level or stronger, but I've come to see that there're so many things that don't matter like they used to. Maturity certainly does have its benefits!

has anyone here ever felt they met their soulmate, but it didn't workout you two ended up together?

I will say this, for myself, it is hard to find someone compatible. And that is kind of depressing due to my situation. I know we are to look at Him for help but it's not always that simple.
Yes God is love and loves us. But pain still shows its ugly face sometimes.

Snoofles said:

has anyone here ever felt they met their soulmate, but it didn't workout you two ended up together?

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I would have to say, no, I haven't met him. I thought one guy *might* be The One, but even early on we had some areas of our relationship that didn't quite match up, didn't click completely. I ignored it at the time, but in hindsight, I'm glad we didn't end up together. God knew better.

I do have a friend who thought she was going to end up with her college boyfriend, but then she didn't. They broke up because they were still young, but they always thought they'd get back together. In the end, he married someone else, and then she did too.

BTW, I just watched Pride & Prejudice (2005 movie) and it is very tempting to believe there's just ONE person out there who is completely perfect for you. What a totally romantic notion! (*swoon*) I don't think that's the case in real life. But I hope each of us will find someone who is very compatible.

HisJavajunkie said:

I know we are to look at Him for help but it's not always that simple.
Yes God is love and loves us. But pain still shows its ugly face sometimes.

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Yes, loneliness can be very painful sometimes. It's not always that simple to have faith, it's true, HisJavajunkie.

My sympathies go out to NorthWord too. I had a friend die a few years ago suddenly. He was in Alaska and to this day I don't know exactly what happened. I am pretty certain that he and I weren't the type to end up together but he was awesome and inspiring because of his active life. I feel I have cheated myself by staying in Indiana out of fear of failure/being broke/homeless, etc.. I have cheated myself out of many things and possibly finding 'the right one' among them. I beat myself up on a regular basis about this and it hurts. I wish I could get over it. I recently heard a sermon that said God can lead us towards the right path for our lives right where we are. I just sometimes wonder if it's not too late or that I've made too many mistakes to be put 'on my right path.'

HoosierCanuck said:

I feel I have cheated myself by staying in Indiana out of fear of failure/being broke/homeless, etc.. I have cheated myself out of many things and possibly finding 'the right one' among them. I beat myself up on a regular basis about this and it hurts. I wish I could get over it. I recently heard a sermon that said God can lead us towards the right path for our lives right where we are. I just sometimes wonder if it's not too late or that I've made too many mistakes to be put 'on my right path.'

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HC. I know what you mean. The "what ifs" in life seem to bring nothing but pain. What if I'd dated more in my 20s? What if I hadn't dated that guy for four years? What if I moved out of my parents' house earlier? Etc.

Maybe this will help: First, I don't think you're a hopeless case AT ALL. As the saying goes, God don't make no junk. He can redeem any situation. Second, I think of God as this masterful artist. He can take any material, even if it's been broken or has scars, and work it into a thing of beauty. He's THAT good. He doesn't just work with perfect material (or else, He'd have no one to work with!! haha.)

And He cares THAT much about us, that He's always trying to redeem our situation. Sometimes that means having us learn lessons, like patience or abiding in Jesus. And sometimes it means Him blessing us like nobody's business. I feel like I'm in the "learning lessons" stage, honestly! I'm trying to trust that it'll all turn out good, even though sometimes I can't see how. I guess that's why faith in God IS faith, and trust: "being sure of what you hope for, and certain of what you cannot see." He's pleased when we demonstrate our trust in Him, because it shows that we know and believe Him to be good, loving and powerful.

Snoofles said:

has anyone here ever felt they met their soulmate, but it didn't workout you two ended up together?

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My first two girlfriends in high school were sort of soulmates, but they went and married other guys.

I'm single because I'm widowed. Question for you guys:
What are your thoughts on Prov "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtaineth favor from the Lord"?
Do you take it to mean the MAN seeks and the WOMAN needs to be engaged in the "Ruth" stage (prepared in all areas, working....)

As I was going through the thread i was surprised I wasn't the only one having problems about shyness. I'm divorced now and I would say I never really dated except with my ex-husband. I met him, dated and after a year, we got married. Now, it's like, someone shows interest, but I shy away. It gets to the point, it hurts but I can't do anything about it, I can't approach, it's so unnatural for me to approach a guy. Is it fear of rejection or just plain being shy?

I have cheated myself out of many things and possibly finding 'the right one' among them. I beat myself up on a regular basis about this and it hurts. I wish I could get over it. I recently heard a sermon that said God can lead us towards the right path for our lives right where we are. I just sometimes wonder if it's not too late or that I've made too many mistakes to be put 'on my right path.'

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I think getting past the past is one of the hardest things to do

to HC

ironic how many of us can relate on so many levels to this.

j2vlha said:

As I was going through the thread i was surprised I wasn't the only one having problems about shyness. I'm divorced now and I would say I never really dated except with my ex-husband. I met him, dated and after a year, we got married. Now, it's like, someone shows interest, but I shy away. It gets to the point, it hurts but I can't do anything about it, I can't approach, it's so unnatural for me to approach a guy. Is it fear of rejection or just plain being shy?

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Maybe both, j2vlha? My dominant fears when meeting new men are (1) rejection (2) having nothing to say and feeling/looking stupid.

rusavd1 said:

I'm single because I'm widowed. Question for you guys:
What are your thoughts on Prov "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtaineth favor from the Lord"?
Do you take it to mean the MAN seeks and the WOMAN needs to be engaged in the "Ruth" stage (prepared in all areas, working....)

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Hi rusavd1! That's a very good question! May I suggest starting a new thread for it? That way everyone can discuss it, without it getting lost in this thread.

BlessedJourney said:

I think getting past the past is one of the hardest things to do

to HC

ironic how many of us can relate on so many levels to this.

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So true, BJ. Reminding us of the past, and how we've either been mistreated or made mistakes ourselves, is one of Satan's schemes. The longer we feel badly about ourselves, the more Satan wins.

I try to counter lies with Biblical truth. We are the Lord's precious children, with nothing to be ashamed of. We are forgiven and we are holy and blameless in His sight.

BTW, this the fifth time I've tried to post this reply. If the site freezes one more time, I'm going to assume God doesn't want me posting this!!

The reason I think I am single is that I am a single mom and there is not too many men where I go to church. I have been hurt so I am careful.