Why are you single?

You know the more I think about it maybe it is because I have been rejected so many times. There's only so many times you can put your heart back together without having missing pieces. I made one last stab at it and I just got blown out of the water again. I will never, ever put myself up for that kind of rejection and pain again.This time there is no putting my heart back together..........

Jenster said:

Hey Tumble, we all have fears about relationships. When you say you're a chicken, do you mean you have a fear of rejection, or ... something else?

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yes....

kelco said:

You know the more I think about it maybe it is because I have been rejected so many times. There's only so many times you can put your heart back together without having missing pieces. I made one last stab at it and I just got blown out of the water again. I will never, ever put myself up for that kind of rejection and pain again.This time there is no putting my heart back together..........

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Praying that the LORD will put your heart back together again and bring you comfort, kelco.

I admit I haven't ventured out much myself, so I'm not dealing with the sting of rejection right now. At least you've gotten out there! I think my last date was about a year ago. Yowzers!

I'm single because it is clear to me that this is what God wants for me just now. I will keep my eyes, ears, heart, and mind open for His leading, but for now He is telling me to bide in Him and let Him take care of the details.

Let me ask y'all something. I know this isn't a dating site, but has anyone ever started a thread about dating? Did they get in "trouble" if so? I am single, 39, divorced father of 3 young children, and frankly, I'm having trouble meeting single Christian women, even at church. And I go to the biggest church in the country, Lakewood Church in Houston. I'm sure several of you have seen Joel Osteen on TV, no matter where you live.


Any input or suggestions?

I'll let someone else tackle the dating thread question, but I'd like to know ... doesn't Lakewood have some sort of singles fellowship? Gee with that many people, I would figure the church would have a model ministry for the rest of us in smaller churches to imitate. And yes, I've seen Joel Osteen on TV. He positively oozes charisma.

I am not avoiding the earlier question about dating. Don't know that answer- new here. I was talking to a friend the other day. I recently moved to a
new area and have made a couple of friends. She asked me if I had met any single men. My answer of course was no. But I immediately followed with I am not looking. I am not closed to it but I am going out and doing things with the friends I have made. I have also realized that God loves me and his love is all my children and I need. A mate would be an added bonus.

I can honestly say that this is the first time in my single life that I am not obsessing over meeting a man. It feels GREAT!!! Don't get me wrong. I would like to meet a wonderful, Godly man. I am at peace with being a single mother of two because I know God has a plan and loves me and my kids.

Yes, Lakewood has a Singles Ministry, but I guess I just haven't been to the "right" class yet. I am in the Men's Ministry, and I enjoy going there. And I don't expect "hook up" nights or anything. But the Singles events are so structured that there really is no time for mingling and socializing.

kelco said:

You know the more I think about it maybe it is because I have been rejected so many times. There's only so many times you can put your heart back together without having missing pieces. I made one last stab at it and I just got blown out of the water again. I will never, ever put myself up for that kind of rejection and pain again.This time there is no putting my heart back together..........

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I can definitely relate to that feeling, it seems to have been happening as long as I can remember. The only one that hasn't rejected me is God himself .

The idea about a dating thread sounds like a good one. I feel like I get rejected even before the dating stage, and don't feel like I know how to do that properly...


SFB

Does anyone know how to go about making sure that CF wouldn't mind someone starting a "dating thread"? I would need to meet people in and around Houston.

Hey cba - go to the main Christian Forums page, then in the section called "CF Support" ask your question in the "Suggest New Forums" area.

cba1113 said:

But the Singles events are so structured that there really is no time for mingling and socializing.

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They need to let them mingle and socialize. The whole idea of fellowship has been neglected in church. Thats the whole idea of having a singles event. Unless the founder of the ministry has the premise that all singles are happy in there current state. I haven't met to many content with celibacy.

Pointman7 you made me laugh with your last statement but I have to agree.

SFBUK said:

I can definitely relate to that feeling, it seems to have been happening as long as I can remember. The only one that hasn't rejected me is God himself .

I feel like I get rejected even before the dating stage, and don't feel like I know how to do that properly...


SFB

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I second that....I think if I even TRIED to flirt with someone I'd get rejected. It just seems to be the natural course of my life. Rejection can be good though....keeps us from making more mistakes in our lives. Since I have no apparent discernment skills, it's just as well that I am a reject. God knows that I can't figure things out on my own.

HoosierCanuck said:

I second that....I think if I even TRIED to flirt with someone I'd get rejected. It just seems to be the natural course of my life. Rejection can be good though....keeps us from making more mistakes in our lives. Since I have no apparent discernment skills, it's just as well that I am a reject. God knows that I can't figure things out on my own.

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Yeah I know what you mean. Every once in a while the thought zooms through my head that I'm not a reject and I do have a little bit of something that maybe someone would want and I end up hurting when reality slaps me in the face. What an idiot I am!!! Oy vey!

I don't thing anyone is a reject. I don't think God would say that either. The individuals you are approaching or being turned down by are not the ones for you. Don't think less of yourself because of the "no" but be thankful you did not waste time or any more time one that person b/c it was obvious that they were not the ones for you. We all have wonderful qualities to offer someone. The thing is finding that someone. Don't be discouraged but pray about it and your current situation. Pray to be happy were you are and continue to pray for that "right person." There is nothing wrong with being happy with your situation in the hopes of finding someone. I think that is the key to it all. We have to be happy with our present situation through the love and happiness we find in God.

Hey guys, please don't think of yourselves as rejects! I know sometimes that's how we feel, but stepha1 is right - the truth is that God sees us as beautiful and worthy of His incredible love. It's just this cruel world that tries to get us to think otherwise. It pressures us into believing we have be "perfect" in order to be acceptable.

But God has loved everyone every minute of our lives, even when we were awkward teenagers or when someone we thought might like us treats us badly instead. I know our sense of femininity (or masculinity) goes to the core of who we are, but I just hope we can all hold on in faith and learn a little more every day to enjoy who God's made us to be.

HUGS,
Jen

But I am a reject. It's a simple valid explanation. I have learned to see things for what they are.

Do you think God sees yo uin that light? I don't think he does and I do not see anyone that post as a reject. I see no one as a reject. We are wonderful children of God.

stepha1 said:

I don't thing anyone is a reject. I don't think God would say that either. The individuals you are approaching or being turned down by are not the ones for you. Don't think less of yourself because of the "no" but be thankful you did not waste time or any more time one that person b/c it was obvious that they were not the ones for you. We all have wonderful qualities to offer someone. The thing is finding that someone. Don't be discouraged but pray about it and your current situation. Pray to be happy were you are and continue to pray for that "right person." There is nothing wrong with being happy with your situation in the hopes of finding someone. I think that is the key to it all. We have to be happy with our present situation through the love and happiness we find in God.

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This is an awesome post. On a 'human' level I am a very rejected person (at least when it comes to my level of attractiveness to the male species). On a spiritual level I am accepted as one of God's kids but to be honest...I screw up so often (usually by misuse of my tongue) that sometimes it's hard to fathom that He would even want me around. In the spiritual realm, I sometimes feel like Dennis the Menace and God would be Mr. Wilson. lol