Your Story...

Cordy · Mar 14, 2004

We often see romance unfold for us at the movies. We know the Hollywood standard of how couple dates, gets engaged and marries. I am curious as to how the real life stores played out.

1. How long were you together before you got engaged? How long was the engagment?

2. How did you decided to get married (a formal proposal, spontaneous decision, etc.)?

3. Is there anything you would change or recommend to others in how you did the whole dating/engagement/wedding thing?

HappyPrincess · Mar 15, 2004

I'd add question 4. How old were you -- I find that makes a big difference as to length of time for the rest.

Assuming we get married this Saturday (and there is no reason to expect this won't happen on schedule)

1. 11 months before engaged (almost to the day). 6 month engagement (to the day)

2. Within the first month, we were spending so much time together, etc that I just knew this was a man I would marry. By Election Day 2002, (4 weeks) I was starting to think about having his kids. Within a week of that I was talking to him about how we would school our kids. By 10 weeks after what turned out to be our first date (Christmas 2003) I was looking at wedding dresses with my sister. (And telling my boyfriend over the phone that I was doing so) We had decided how many kids we were both interested in by January 2003.

However, I had a few requirements that HAD to be met before I would say Yes. (And some I'd like that were not firm commitments) And then He went back to school Spring 2003 to finish his degree, graduating on June 14 -- and he didn't want to ask me until he had paid off his loan and gotten a real job. Given the job state in Washington, we compromised. He paid off his loan and asked me to marry him on September 20, 2003. After we are married, then we can both feel free to look for a new job both in and out of state.

So... there was a formal proposal with a ring and an elaborate night out, etc. But the decision to get married? That was just a conviction. That happened very early in the whole thing. We just had to take our time and do everything right.

3. Get counseling as early as you can. A LOT of the stuff that they brought up in counseling (Budgeting, birth control methods, etc) really should have been considered earlier in the entire process.

Let him wait to ask you. I had thought for a time (when I was getting impatient) of giving him a deadline when, if he hadn't asked me, I would have asked him. But my now-FI has let me know that would have been a VERY bad thing. He'd have said yes, of course... but this is a guy thing. And he doesn't want to have his decisions taken out of his hands. It would have gotten things off to a bad start.

Let him get you a diamond ring if he wants even if you don't care. There's something in a guy's ego about getting their girl a diamond.

And finally, make sure your guy is happy with decisions BEFORE you make them for the wedding. There are a couple of things about the wedding that I didn't much care and didn't check with FI early enough (and he thought I cared more than I do) so he isn't getting his wish (like an organ player instead of a piano player) cause it was too late toward the wedding when I realized what it meant to him.

Oh and keep your FMIL up on what is going on with the wedding. Don't expect your FI to pass along details to her. Even if you're telling him, he probably isn't remembering it all and may not think to tell his mother.

4. He is 25. I am 30. I think I was pushing the marriage thing a bit faster because of my age. But he didn't want to wait a WHOLE long time either.

HeatherJay · Mar 15, 2004

mbams said:
We often see romance unfold for us at the movies. We know the Hollywood standard of how couple dates, gets engaged and marries. I am curious as to how the real life stores played out.

1. How long were you together before you got engaged? How long was the engagment?

2. How did you decided to get married (a formal proposal, spontaneous decision, etc.)?

3. Is there anything you would change or recommend to others in how you did the whole dating/engagement/wedding thing?

I met him while waiting on another boy to pick me up on a first date...he was late and Mark was at the house visiting a roommate of mine. We talked and hung out for a couple of hours while I was getting ready. I found myself not caring at all that my date was almost an hour late picking me up because Mark and I were having such a good time talking. My date DID eventually show up but we didn't really hit it off (not in THAT way, anyway). Mark called me the next night and asked me out.

1. We knew we were in love after a week. I went home to spend Christmas with his family after 2 weeks. He met mine at 3 weeks. We were engaged about 3 months later. We were engaged for 2 months before we got married. We'd planned on a longer engagement, but we found out he was going to be deployed to Egypt so we decided to get married before he left.

2. We had talked about marriage but he totally surprised me with the ring and the proposal. We'd played tennis all day and then decided to go to the lake to walk. We were sitting on the dock watching the sunset and I looked over at him and he was holding out the ring. It was wonderful. And I found out later he'd even asked my parents permission before proposing...bonus points for that. :clap:

3. Each relationship is different and there's no set answer for this one. But definitely don't rush into anything, especially if you have any doubts at all.

4. I was 20 and he was 26 when we got married.

Love, Heather

karla · Mar 15, 2004

mbams said:
We often see romance unfold for us at the movies. We know the Hollywood standard of how couple dates, gets engaged and marries. I am curious as to how the real life stores played out.

mbams said:

1. How long were you together before you got engaged? How long was the engagment?

Click to expand...

We were together for 3.5 years before we got engaged and were engaged for 1.5 years beofre we married.

mbams said:

2. How did you decided to get married (a formal proposal, spontaneous decision, etc.)?

Click to expand...

We had talked about it and knew that we wanted to get married eventually. He secretly met with my parents to ask their permission (which I think is the sweetest thing in the world and hope that if my daughter marries her husband will do the same). A few months later, on our Christmas break from college, I went to visit him(he lived 4 hours away) and he popped the question on bended knee on a snow covered bridge at one of the state parks. It was beautiful!

mbams said:

3. Is there anything you would change or recommend to others in how you did the whole dating/engagement/wedding thing?

Click to expand...

We were together for quite awhile before we got engaged and really got to know one another. We went on a pre-cana engaged encounter weekend, which was wonderful and really dove into issues that would help with our marriage. We were engaged for 1.5 years before we got married. Best advice is to focus on the marriage because the wedding is only one day. Make sure that you are on the same page about finances, child rearing, religion, etc. Let eachother know what you expect out of married life and by all means never go to bed angry (even if it means staying up until 3 am and going into work with puffy eyes ) Remember that your wedding is YOUR wedding and you need to be happy with it. Don't worry about your guests and if everything is perfect. The day goes by so fast, so have a good time.

I'd add question 4. How old were you -- I find that makes a big difference as to length of time for the rest.

Click to expand...

I was 22(almost 23) and he was 23(almost 24) when we got married (we dated all through college and got married the month after I graduated with my undergrad and he with his grad)

charligirl · Mar 15, 2004

mbams said:
We often see romance unfold for us at the movies. We know the Hollywood standard of how couple dates, gets engaged and marries. I am curious as to how the real life stores played out.

1. How long were you together before you got engaged? How long was the engagment?

2. How did you decided to get married (a formal proposal, spontaneous decision, etc.)?

3. Is there anything you would change or recommend to others in how you did the whole dating/engagement/wedding thing?

1. We were together 4 months before we got engaged, we were engaged 4 months

2. We were just mates at the time and I had begun to suspect he liked me and wanted to ask me out, I was planning on how to let him down gently ( I was in complete denial about my feelings for him!) when he told me that I was the one and that he was going to marry me!!!

3. As has already been said, wait for him to ask. I do think that generally God has put a desire in a man to pursure his mate, and a desire in a woman to be pursued! Make it romantic men, women like romance!! Try and enjoy and remember that time of planning and the wedding and importantly, don't stress about the small stuff for the big day, it's not worth it, noone will remember and tbh, you won't care a bit on the day!

Tangnefedd · Mar 15, 2004

1. How long were you together before you got engaged? How long was the engagment?

I lived on the small island of Guernsey, near the coast of France, and met my husband to be, when I was 15, and he was nearly 18, when he visited the island on holiday. We courted by letter and the occasional phone call meeting up at holiday times.

2. How did you decided to get married (a formal proposal, spontaneous decision, etc.)?

He did the whole bit, down on one knee at a favourite beauty spot in Guernsey. He had to ask my father's permission because in those days in Guernsey (1969) you didn't come of age until 20 for girls 21 for boys. (it is 18 today) They had to go to the court, just before the wedding, for my parents to formally agree to hand me over to my husband to be, how frightfully feudal!!!

3. Is there anything you would change or recommend to others in how you did the whole dating/engagement/wedding thing?

As we have been married 35 years, probably not! :clap:

charligirl · Mar 15, 2004

Tangnefedd said:
As we have been married 35 years, probably not!

Tangnefedd · Mar 15, 2004

It was the leader of the Mother's Union a Christian organisation in the UK, who was once asked if she had ever considered divorce, her reply was, "Divorce, NEVER, murder, OFTEN!" I think that just about sums it up, LOL!!!

mpshiel · Mar 15, 2004

How long before we got engaged? 9 months.

How long after until you got married? 9 months (wierd how that worked out)

How did you decide? - Well, we talked it over together. Then I had a ring commissioned: a Rose, combining white gold, rose gold, platnium, platitium and a sapphire. And I was given a ring of carved arctic hemitite.

We were 23 and 22 respectively.

The only recommendation I would have is: get lots of counselling and have a list of things you don't want as presents (like weird pots for grilling fish).

FervidPrincess · Mar 15, 2004

mbams said:
We often see romance unfold for us at the movies. We know the Hollywood standard of how couple dates, gets engaged and marries. I am curious as to how the real life stores played out.

1. How long were you together before you got engaged? How long was the engagment?

2. How did you decided to get married (a formal proposal, spontaneous decision, etc.)?

3. Is there anything you would change or recommend to others in how you did the whole dating/engagement/wedding thing?

1. We were together for one year before we were engaged. The engagement was 6 months.

2. We had discussed getting married for months before he surprised me on Easter Day 1987 and asked me to marry him. I surely wasnt expecting to be asked at the moment even though we talked about getting married in the future. We had went to a Hot Rod Car Show and was out in the sun all day...I was sun burned really bad...lets just say I didnt look my best when he asked me. But, I guess he thought I looked beautiful.

3.There is nothing that I would change. Nothing at all.

bwaby007 · Mar 15, 2004

mbams said:
1. How long were you together before you got engaged? How long was the engagment?

2. How did you decided to get married (a formal proposal, spontaneous decision, etc.)?

3. Is there anything you would change or recommend to others in how you did the whole dating/engagement/wedding thing?

1. we were together 3 years till we got engaged and another 3 years until we got married.

2. it was a spontaneous decision on his part...after he proposed to me, he asked my father for my hand in marriage.

3. Definatly, take your time in planning everything....there's no rush! If you rush everything...you're probably gonna wind up settling for something less than what you really wanted. And most important...DO EVERYTHING FOR YOUSELVES (the 2 of you) dont let other peoples opinion or judgement cloud your head while planning anything. If you want this a certain way...then DO IT!!!!!!!

E-beth · Mar 15, 2004

1. How long were you together before you got engaged? How long was the engagment?

We met a few days before New Years Eve, and he proposed a month later on Feb 1.

2. How did you decided to get married (a formal proposal, spontaneous decision, etc.)?

He pretty much decided to propose. I was NOT expecting it. While he was in his city buying my ring and driving the 3 hours it took to drive to my city, I was frantic because I didn't know where he was. I was a wreck! I called my mom and bawled and I just KNEW he was dead ina car wreck. I realized I didn't want to live without him. So when he showed up at 11PM and got me out of bed, I said yes when he got on one knee and proposed. I was even in my jammies!

3. Is there anything you would change or recommend to others in how you did the whole dating/engagement/wedding thing?

Uh... wait longer than a month to get engaged or have a LONG engagement. We were engaged only 5 months befoer the wedding, which wasn't the original intent but he went and took a job 500 miles away. So it was either get married or never see him.

I was 30 and he was 38. But we had both been married before.

koppee1 · Mar 17, 2004

Hmm...
I'll try to keep this short ;p

My wife and I both lived in Vancouver, Canada at the same time, but we NEVER met each other. I knew her brother (in Canada) but never knew he had a sister.
I eventually moved to the Philippines and studied college in a university where I met my wife in a class I sat in (I wasn't part of that class). My wife's parents are buddhist and they didn't like me for her because they went to a temple and the monk did his throwing sticks on the ground or something thing and the results weren't to my favour.

After graduating from college, my wife couldn't stand her parents any more and moved out. We found her a condo to stay in and after about three months, we got married

We've been married for 4 years now and have reconciled with her parents

Iddie4him · Mar 19, 2004

E-beth said:
We met a few days before New Years Eve, and he proposed a month later on Feb 1.

He pretty much decided to propose. I was NOT expecting it. While he was in his city buying my ring and driving the 3 hours it took to drive to my city, I was frantic because I didn't know where he was. I was a wreck! I called my mom and bawled and I just KNEW he was dead ina car wreck. I realized I didn't want to live without him. So when he showed up at 11PM and got me out of bed, I said yes when he got on one knee and proposed. I was even in my jammies!

Uh... wait longer than a month to get engaged or have a LONG engagement. We were engaged only 5 months befoer the wedding, which wasn't the original intent but he went and took a job 500 miles away. So it was either get married or never see him.

I was 30 and he was 38. But we had both been married before.

I guess I did move things along rather quickly, But, I know now after 3 years together, I don't have any regrets for the way things worked out. We have had a few little stumbling blocks during our marriage,But, I would do it all over again if I had the chioice.

mistygail · Mar 19, 2004

mbams said:
We often see romance unfold for us at the movies. We know the Hollywood standard of how couple dates, gets engaged and marries. I am curious as to how the real life stores played out.

1. How long were you together before you got engaged? Were friends for several years before we got together and then got engaged roughly 11 months after getting "together" How long was the engagment? our engagement was about 10 days. LOL

2. How did you decided to get married (a formal proposal, spontaneous decision, etc.)? We KNEW we'd get married one day, but circumstances being what they were we didn't know WHEN we'd marry. Then one night he got down on his knee with my children right there and told me how much he loved me and the girls and that he couldn't imagine life without us, and wanted to know if I would marry him.

3. Is there anything you would change or recommend to others in how you did the whole dating/engagement/wedding thing? We called up a wedding chapel, invited our imediate family and close friends, showed up and got married, they had a small reception for us there and then we had a big reception with all our family and friends later that month. I thought it was a great way to do it. A lot less worry and money involved that way!!

He was 24 and I was ALMOST 28 when we got married (we married the day before my birthday) This is his first marriage and I was married once before.

E-beth · Mar 19, 2004

Iddie4him said:
I guess I did move things along rather quickly, But, I know now after 3 years together, I don't have any regrets for the way things worked out. We have had a few little stumbling blocks during our marriage,But, I would do it all over again if I had the choice.

awww...sweet. Neither would I.

Now, do the dishes!!!

Jenna · Mar 20, 2004

1. How long were you together before you got engaged? How long was the engagment?

We were "together" for about 6 months before we became engaged. We had planned our wedding for 5 months from that time, but had an unexpected death which caused us to push our date back for time to heal. Then we waited another 4 months. So, technically our engagement was 9 months time.

2. How did you decided to get married (a formal proposal, spontaneous decision, etc.)?

Our decision to get married was pretty spontaneous. He had planned on asking me to marry him, but was waiting for what he thought was the 'right time'. At one point I became stressed, and we had a long talk, at which time he decided to put my mind at ease and propose then.

3. Is there anything you would change or recommend to others in how you did the whole dating/engagement/wedding thing?

I think that if I were able to change anything, it would have been to have had faith that things were going to work out. If I had done so, then it wouldn't have put my husband in a position where his good plans for a formal proposal would have been set aside. I'm still a foo-foo kind of girl and enjoy all of that romatic stuff.

I kind of kick myself for not just letting things happen as they would. That seems to be the story of my life though, the impatience. As far as the wedding it'self, I would have ignored my dad's hand when he offered it as I was coming down the steps into the chapel. *laughs* When one hand is holding a bouquet and the other a skirt, it makes it difficult not to step on your own dress on the last step. lol I nearly tripped, but I had a death grip on my dad by that point. Good thing no one else knew what was going on. heeheehee......

Oh, and I was 20, and he was 21.

Iddie4him · Mar 23, 2004

E-beth said:
awww...sweet. Neither would I.

Now, do the dishes!!!

What if don't wanna ????

HeatherJay · Mar 23, 2004

Iddie4him said:
What if don't wanna ????

*taking cover as the dishes start flying towards Iddie's head*

Flipper · Mar 23, 2004

1. How long were you together before you got engaged? How long was the engagment?
We dated 6 1/2 months before getting engaged. The engagement was 11 months. I was 26 and he was 27 when we got married.

2. How did you decided to get married (a formal proposal, spontaneous decision, etc.)?
Nothing formal or inspirational. He was such a nervous wreck the week leading to it, so much so that I thought he really wanted to break up with me - he stopped talking to me. I found out later the nerves were that bad. He didn't propose, he just kind of thrust the box to me. He was standing there, shaking, trying to talk but couldn't. When I opened it, I saw it was a ring but it didn't register for a moment. Once it did, I said yes, and he kind of collapsed in my arms. Then we had to go meet his folks for his birthday dinner. The way he proposed, I was able to handle. Meeting up with his family afterwards... guys, please take notes... if he had to propose to me again, no seeing parents right afterwards!!

3. Is there anything you would change or recommend to others in how you did the whole dating/engagement/wedding thing?
I think age is important. There is no way I was ready or able to get married in my early 20s. Granted, young marriages do last, my in-laws being an example (she was 17, he was 24 - 35 years this summer), many still don't. When I see posts about marital problems here, it seems like more than half are people who married very young. I think you do develop a different perspective towards the marriage if you are older before you get married. You have a better idea if the mate is responsible because he/she has been taking care of themselves for a while. Your tolerance for the bull is much less (and ability to recognize it for what it is, is greater), and you have a better idea what will make a good mate for you and what won't. All in all, you are a more mature person all around. I'm not saying this is always the case, there are exceptions - and I know young couples who are doing great. I do think this is the case for the majority though.

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