Originally posted by stillsmallvoice
Proverbs 23:13 seems to tell us: Don't worry, a(n occasional) smack on your kid's tush won't ruin his life!
I don't see anything relating to frequency in either chapter 23 or 13. I think the determining factor in frequency of correction is the frequency of your child's willful disobedience. Obviously, as the child gets older and more able to sort through the various available choices, the need for spanking will hopefully become less and less because their increased maturity will help them make the correct choice. Also, I agree that spanking should not be the only tool you utilize. However, when you understand that you should spank your child
because you love them and you are willing to do it in spite of the negative feelings you experience, like guilt, only then will you be doing it for the right reasons.
There is a process for establishing when your child is being willfully disobedient and therefore in need of a spanking:
First, you must set the standard. There is no specific timeline for this step. Only you, as the parent, can decide when the child fully understands what the acceptable behavior is. For instance, you tell your child to clean their room. At first your going to show them how to do it. This may take a few times. Then, you are going to let them do it and watch while they do it and point out if they miss something. This step is probably going to take a while. Then, as you have to point out the things they miss less and less, you start just checking on their progress and then leaving them to it. Once you determine that they know what level of cleanliness you expect (important note: Be understanding about this as they are still children. If you see them really trying remember, they'll probably not do as good of a job as you.) and that they will clean it to the best of their ability whether you are there or not, then you can tell them to clean it and only go check it when they're done. This may take a while for them to learn they will have to redo it to
your satisfaction if needed but at this point, you have set the standard. Now, as they get older, you can set more rules like, "you will clean your room on Saturday morning, and on Wednesday after school." Again, give them a chance to learn to clean on the days you've specified and once that standard is set you get to the second part.
Once the standard is set you must deal with the disobedience. As you know, there will be some. But, remember, you are dealing with their disobedience out of love, out of a desire to teach them consequences and to help them learn to desire to obey you and repent when they do not. If the child knows what you expect and they do not do it, i.e. they don't clean their room Saturday morning, they are being disobedient. Pure and simple. It doesn't make your child bad. It makes them rebellious, which
ALL children are, and for that matter, most adults. Rebellion comes in numerous forms. My daughter is outwardly rebellious. IOW, it's very easy to spot. My oldest son is passively rebellious. Much harder to spot. If my wife tells our daughter to put her dolls away, she might just sit there and ignore her. If she tells my son to come inside from playing he will probably say, "Yes ma'am" and continue to play outside. As you can see, one is very easy to spot, the other, easy to overlook, but both are rebellious.
I think the two most important things to remember are to praise your child when they do well, not just correct them when they do wrong, and, consistancy, consistancy, consistancy.
But if you try to appreciate Proverbs 23:13-14 on a more allegorical/metaphorical level, I think it supports my original post regarding Proverbs 13:24, i.e. that a child needs authority & authority figures & that these are crucial to his/her development.
I agree that teaching your child to respect authority is very important and part of this is setting the example. Too many parents don't take the time to apologize to their children when they do something wrong to them, like deal with them out of frustration or anger, and that teaches the child the age old, but undeniably ineffective, addage "do as I say, not as I do."
As far as the actual punishment, that too should be handled a certain way. Your intent should never be compulsion by embarrassment, so, spankings should never be administered in front of other people. Also, before the spanking you should teach your child to ask for forgiveness for the offense and we should let them know that we forgive them,
before the physical portion of the punishment. All of this sets the standard for later in life when they will put to use the process of repentance when mom and dad are not their to "punish" them. One last thing, I believe the person who administers the punishment, if possible, should be not be the one who has been dealing with the disobedience from the start. IOW, if my wife has told our daughter to pick her toys up 2 times already and now she is going to get a spanking, I should be the one to administer it. That way, our personal feelings of "frustration" are never the source for the spanking.
We do not want to give him the message (even tacitly) that it's OK to act violently (other than in self-defense, of course).
A spanking should never be a violent thing. Hopefully, by violent, you did not mean physical. There is a huge difference. A spanking should hurt, but only because one of the reasons it's administered is as a physical deterrant for disobedience. It should never leave a long lasting mark, like a bruise.
That was a very cute story about your son. Thanks for sharing. Kids are the greatest. My pastor told me something I think all parents should remember. He said, "Your children are not really your children. They are God's children. He gave you the responsibility of rearing His children. And eventually, He wants them back. Make sure you do a good job in raising His kids."
God bless.
) For me, I try and impress upon my children that, while they must accept the consequences of their behavior, the reason I spank them for their wilfull disobedience is because I love them, not in spite of it. Also, I want to teach them respect for those in authority over them. I believe there to be a huge difference between understanding there are consequences and not wanting to incur those consequences and actually being afraid. One is a healthy deterrant, the other is not and is due to the parent not showing their child the proper level of physical discipline.
