empty, cold, and shallow

i feel alone and cold. traped in a room that has no lights. i am lost in a sea of black and i can not see my own hand agenst my face.

I sit here cold and empty, like a shell of what was once a semi vibrant man. im alone in this place i call my mind. i cant even hear my own echo, i cry out for help with no response. i plead for a light to guide my way, but i am blind. i did it to myself but i can not rectify what i have done. my test is over my verdict is in. i have tossed my last coin in the well but i hear nothing hitting the bottom, the coin makes no noise off the jagged ledges in the hole.

my insides are decaying i feel ill, my mind is not here, i can only cry in pain, i pity no man; i was a rock in my own path. i am floating by with no destination, a rougue lost in time as events flash over me and drag me under.

i am dizzy lost in this room. i want to vomit this sickness but i lack the strength or the will. i tried to supress my actions, but i lack the power. my deeds are clear as an abyss; and i have fallen. the life has left as i plumit into the shallowness of exhistance.

i want to quit, put in another quarter, but i cant, i wont. my bloodline continues and pulls me thru life. i have givein my all but i have nothing to offer.

i make the motions but the mind runs on into nothin. the intentions are pure, the actions are vile. i cant stand here. i cant stand myself. i cant stand this place. it rips me apart and i try to sow the pieces back together, but i am missing parts they have fallin thru the cracks in the floor. i reach and reach streach till i feel the flesh rip, it is out of my reach out of my hands.

i read a story about a footprint. but i see 2 sets 1 off in the distance; 1 into the forest.

the wolfs are eatting and i am the meal. dear Lord save me, i wish to hide in your arms. please hold me tight or i might fall apart. my seams are brittle my eyes are weary my mind is not here my heart calls your name my body does not. dear lord help me i have fallin apart...................................

this is how i feel. this is how i have felt. it is not for me to cure.

I know this sounds like a game or a riddle but i write off the top of my head.

im sitting here looking out the window thinking of what to say....

i cant think of anything. This feeling comes over me i know its my home. I have lived in it for years because i have built it from stone. seemless and perfect it felt like home. but with all of my actions for which i can not atone.

call me crazy and call me sad, i call it guilt i guess thats 'my bad'.

I dont test people it is not my place.

I write what is on my mind, i write what my tounge can not say. i write for the people to know, we are not alone. we stand next to each other packed like fish but we can not feel or see because that is our wish.

i have sucked the nector out of the apple, but instead it sucked out my life.

You know what is the most fustrating part of trying to lead a christian life.

the constant failings and rebeliousness of ones actions.

your words are kinda and much appricated.