Prayers Needed in Child's Death & Your Thoughts

We have had a bit of a week this week and I thought I would share. I wonder what others think about this. I am warning you this is really bad and I don’t want to upset anyone but I gave some advice, only if I were in this situation I would follow through myself. I want to know what you think based on what we know. Because honestly I am not sure if it was the most Christian advice. I don’t know, I have never been so close to such a situation and I might not be thinking clearly either. I do believe that whatever happens it will be what God wants. But this situation is hard for me.

A cousin and his wife lost their 6-month-old child this past week. He was at the Babysitters, which is their neighbor and has been watching their older child (5) for a couple of years now. They are pretty close with this woman and family and think they are good people.

The babysitter said that she found the child not breathing and blue when she went to wake him from a nap. This was her initial story. Well the onset of this situation, when they first were told. His wife was devastated to the point of initially preventing an autopsy or any cutting on the child. And was hysterical that the child was alone at the morgue. Finally they agreed to an autopsy that day. This was late Thursday night. She agreed to the autopsy. Once the medical examiners report came back they brought the babysitter in for questioning. The child died of suffocation. In addition did have a cracked skull. The babysitter admitted that she was feeding the child in the high chair, dropped the child by accident. The child started convulsing so she “lost her mind” and became fearful what might happen to her children and family. So she covered the child’s face until it died. Then she put the child in the bouncer for an hour and called the police.

I am angry. I don’t buy it. The mechanisms alone are too much for me to believe. How could a mother drop a baby watch it convulse and then split second decision because of fear (fear of what?) hold that baby’s nose and mouth for at least two minutes until it died? I mean really if you think of what it entails to do this. Do you realize what you go through to do something like this? My first reaction would not be fear (why?) It would be fear for the child and get help. The only time my first reaction would be fear would be if I had done something wrong and want to cover it up.

Right now the police are not saying much. No one is saying much. It just has not been the right time. Wee are waiting to hear. The service and burial was yesterday. It was beautiful and many attended. To which the babysitter wanted to attend. I did not believe she should be there, this is the thought too amongst other family members. She did not come, and later we heard that her family admitted her to the hospital. The parents are still in shock and are mourning. They are blaming themselves. She is a nurse and feels even more responsible. She didn't want the funeral to start, then she did not want it to end, then she did not want to bury him. So this gives you an idea of their frame of mind. But on the same note they feel it was an accident. I just don’t think they have wrapped their minds around not only the loss of this child but the act of their friend. In my eyes she killed that child. That baby died from suffocation NOT the cracked skull. My advice to family I told a family member that I would get the police moving on this. To not back down on this issue. We are not sure why they are letting this go right now, thinking it might be to get the child buried? Just the story in itself should be evidence enough that she caused the death of this child. I am not saying this because of vengeance, even though I am angry for this act, but because there are consequence to action and what if she does this again? My gut tells me something went terribly wrong there. The act of suffocation I would think is an act of passion. I feel like she did something to that child out of anger and is trying to cover it up. My thought is she became angry with this child and the child died in the act of whatever she did out of anger. This would make more sense? No?

Many are surprised at my thoughts on this. And they are taking me seriously. I feel very strongly that this should be taken to the fullest extent. I don’t know this woman, and I am a Christian. I believe in mercy, more so than most but something is wrong with this whole thing. I do believe in turning the other cheek. But this is more protection of children than anything else. I am sorry she chose to do this, but she did choose. She could have chosen to call 911 (which what mother even in their wrong mind would not do this if a child is convulsing). This might have saved the little boys life. At that moment instead she decided to hold that child’s little nose and mouth until he stopped breathing and death then sit his little body in a bouncer for an hour before even attempting a 911 call. Then lying to the police after the fact? At the least this is manslaughter.

Do you think I am wrong about feeling like this? Does this not sound suspicious to you too?

Meanwhile please keep the parents and the whole situation in your prayers and all of us whom are affected by it. Thanks.

Thank you for your prayers. Really and truly they are appreciated. You know Humblman I agree babies skulls do have that ability. The report clearly states this is not what killed him. It was the act of smothering. Yes it is a loss. I deal with death a bit differently than most usually I internalize tragedy. It is a lot for you to see me break down in crisis. And I truly do have a lot of compassion for people. People give me a hard time at times for letting people get away with things they shouldn't. So to give an opinion and feel this way is hard for me. My character. But I also want to make sure I am scriptural in my words and outward opinions when asked.

Sue, that is the problem, I am having a hard time believing we have her whole story. It took for them to pull her in, re question her to get the same story, to only then show her the autopsy report before confessing. In my experience, this seems to be a standard pattern for those that have deep seated issues of inferiority or insecurity. They "Hansel and Gretel" you along admitting to only the minimum ---until the truth finally comes out. I believe it might take for them to pull her in again and question her a bit harder and I really believe her story will change again. But is it truly remorse that she did it or that she is caught? I guess it is true it is just something we might never know.

People do act and react differently in times of crisis. But this is not a split second decision. She had to sit and watch this child as she covered that little nose and mouth for at least 2 minutes (this is the amount of time I have been told but I believe it is 3 minutes but some say up to five). Think about how long that is? Watching a little tiny thing - do they gasp for air? Struggle? If the baby was convulsing there must have been movement. Only to then place his body in a bouncer for an hour and let him sit (60 more minutes) before she called anyone? It just floors me. At the very least what KIND of person could loose their mind for the sake of protecting their homeowners insurance (that is what she spoke of) I know we are all worthless without God and even then we fail at times. But I just cannot imagine this to be an accident. I am trying really hard

I would let the police do their job but wouldn't you think that evening when she admitted to the act they would have arrested her? Not sure what they are doing, but I do believe something should be done. No one knows that is what we were trying to figure out. Who is going to check this out? The point of my post was not that - but that my thoughts on prosecuting her and my advice to family in this regard - if it is right. The parents are in no frame of mind to deal with this aspect at this time. We are afraid when it does sink in they will feel guilty for not following up. So that is what is being discussed amongst us what or if we should do anything in this regard.

mesue said:

Yeah, I see your point. I didn't realize she changed her story. So, is this worldly repentence or Godly repententce? Re-reading, it sounds like worldly repentence. Like Judas' repentence. "I'm sorry I got busted."
If you're not getting anywhere with the local police, I would go to the sheriff or state police. And if you're still not satisfied, I'd go to the State Senetor. Nothing starts a fire under any government agency like a good old check and balence.
This is such a terrible thing. Have they spoken to their Pastor? Have you?Maybe he can get them to do something.

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No, most of my information is second hand right now. They are still discussing amongst family members on whom to talk to do this amongst everyone. One is going to call an aunt on the other side of the family that has had some contact with the detective working the case already. She is where we have most information because the parents have not even looked at this yet. I have not spoken with the parents, and from what I understand – they are not making much sense right now in just about anything. They really have not said anything about the babysitter. Just seem like they are getting through the day with the loss of their child. To be expected. Either this aunt will contact him to get the information or the other cousin will call him. If not, I have a family member in just about every aspect of Law and Social services here in town.. And most all-surrounding towns but this one! It is a small suburb town. I will call them to have them talk with contacts they have at that location. They can do some checking. We are just trying to be cordial about it at this point. Eventually we should get some answers.

The night she was questioned she “broke down” when presented with the autopsy report. That is when she confessed to smothering the child. Something about fear that they might sue her homeowners insurance loose everything, take away her children. And the story was exposed I wrote of earlier. But it took several times of questioning her the onset, during the day, then they pulled her in to the station that night initially she said the same thing until the report was revealed. One of the aunts mentioned that they might have taken her to the hospital (the police) that night - so we just don't know what to think at this point. It is all hearsay - We just know nothing. I know that if they had a ME report that night, suffocation was the cause of death. With her confession – would this not be enough? I contemplated that they just might not have enough evidence, but the confession? I even asked if it could have been asphyxiation due to convulsion (head injury)? They said no they asked.

I think it could be many things. We just can never know another’s heart. She very well could be telling the truth and that fear was so real to her that this is the only way she has known to handle it. I cannot fathom how someone would not have regrets. But it is enough to make you wonder. I would be humiliated, embarrassed, no telling but I would not hurt another to “protect” anything if I did nothing wrong. So I am not getting this at all. I simply just do not know how to gage this situation because it seems so “off the wall” from how I hang my pictures. The only thing I can relate it to be someone that will give you what they think you already know with sugar coating. If you know what I mean, just enough of the truth to be convincing. But still a lie. (Satan does it all the time) My gut feeling is never wrong. Something uncanny that even my best friends husband said he would bet his life on my gut feeling. I don’t get them very often so I feel strongly something is very wrong.

I am not sure where they attend church. They live about an hour from where I am. But this is being checked out also. The service was held at the funeral home, not the church. (I see a lot of this; normally we have a service at the church, then a viewing at the funeral home then actual burial. So I have no clue.) I might have more information sometime tomorrow. I really appreciate the discussion on this because honestly, I have not been in a situation like this, and I want to make sure I am saying the right thing. I believe in Gods justice more so than mans, but I also know that sometimes this might work hand in hand. I view it at times when adults don't follow the rules; sometimes someone (something) has to be a parent. Just as when a child acts up - enforcing rules and consequence. If this woman were absolutely honest from the beginning...I would have a bit more compassion. Don't get me wrong. I am sad about what has happened. I feel sorry for this woman. She will have to live with this horrible thing for the rest of her life. And her poor family. I just cannot imagine. I know in my heart God will forgive a true heart of repentance. So she has hope. But on the same note, sometimes there are consequences for action that are not to "seeking our self justice" but to teach lessons and prevent from others being hurt. Nothing that can be done to this woman will bring back that baby, so that is of no consequence to me. But it can be prevented from happening again. That is my concern. At the very least that woman needs counseling. Sorry if I sound like Spock about this, but this is how I handle crisis or emotional situations. I get even toned and controlled. I am weird like that.

Arunma, thank you. Yes, I believe in this situation you are right. I just do not see clearly any other alternative.

That is my thought too. I don't understand.
I feel like it might just be something I am not supposed to yet. I (all of us) am just keeping myself busy, leaving it to God right now. I simply cannot do anything, but I know I am not helpless. What will happen I truly believe will be His will. I do know for sure He knows the pain and suffering of all of this. I just have no idea how He is working right now. But I do know He will take care of this. The only thing we still know is that she is in the hospital. I have not heard since. Again thank you for prayers. I believe they are working for me for sure. But I can still tell I have a bit of edginess underlying right now.

I heard a bit today from the Mother of the Father--- sister. The woman is for sure in hospital, (I believe admitted the night she confessed) for evaluation it is a lock down facility. Once they release her she will be arrested or formally charged. The detectives say that they are not sure which she will be charged with Manslaughter or 1st degree. I could not understand why they don’t charge her now but she said that they still need to question her further. That’s all I know. Thought I would update you. So they are doing something in the case. I am thankful.