Originally posted by Annie Insight
Hi!
I'm sort of a yo-yo Christian and I don't like it!
I love it when I'm on the right track with God. I really don't like myself when I fall out of my faith...like I just did for about the umpteenth time in my life. I'm getting really sick of it!
How can I praise God if I turn my back all the time?
I really hope I can gather all my willpower and fight this 'changing my mind' battle I'm having...I would like to be a part of this place. I like it here so far!
ANNIE
Hi Annie,
I would first like to say that God wants you to lay all your burdens on him, and he will give you rest - and peace.
Peace like you have never known. Believe me, I know that peace.
I'd like to share my testimony with you, because I have been exactly where you are now.
I was saved when I was 12 - that was almost 23 years ago. The first 14 years of that was, quite frankly, a rather misreable Christian existence. I indeed know how you feel with your "Yo-Yo" life, because I was there. I tried so hard to "be good"...I would be victorious over temptation one day, only to fail the next day or the day after that. High from Victory one day, crushed in defeat and sin the next day. It was awful. It was an emotional rollercoaster.
But that would change in 1993. Through conversations with my brother and a few close friends and a book called "Mister God, This is Anna", the Holy Spirit began to reveal to me the true nature of Grace, and what it really means. It started with the questions:
"What did Christ accomplish for me with his death on the cross?"
and
"Why did he have to die for me?"
Well, of course, we have been taught the answers to these questions from our childhood on, in Sunday School, and the like, haven't we? Christ died for us on the cross to save us from our sins, and because we couldn't save ourselves.
Even though I had known those answers for years, it finally started to sink in on me exactly how important those answers are. TO SAVE US FROM OUR SINS BECAUSE WE COULDN"T SAVE OURSELVES.
Let's take the first part: Just to save us from the EFFECTS of sin (ie: death and separation from God)? No, also to save us from the POWER of sin, that we would no longer be slaves to sin. What exactly does that mean? I'll get to that here shortly.
Let's now analyze the second part: We can't save ourselves. Exactly. No matter how much we try, no matter how many good deeds we perform, we cannot earn our way into Heaven. Now, I'll tell you something else, even further: Doing good deeds even as a Christian will not "earn you favor" with God. And why? Because he has already shown us his favor - by dying on the cross. It's all about grace - God's free gift. Nothing we did earned us our salvation. He freely gives it to us.
So, how do you muster up enough "willpower" to win the war over temptation? Sorry, you can't. "Willpower" has nothing to do with it, and that's where the "dead to the power of sin" bit I mentioned earlier comes in. You see, when you became a Christian, your old sinful nature (that spirit in you that desired to do wrong) was crucified. It was destroyed. Those aren't my words, they are the Bible's. You became a new creation in Christ. His spirit moved in. The real you - your nature and identity- are now Christ. Your identity is Christ. See how powerful that is? Christ didn't say "Hey, if you'll accept me as your Savior, I'll stand by your side and help you out." Nope, he said "I'll move in, destroy the sinful nature, and give yo umy power for living". But Christians still sin, so there is indeed a struggle going on. But it's not a battle that wages inside you between some living sin nature and the Holy Spirit. If that was the case, you'd never be victorious, because the sin nature would always be there to drag you down. No, the battleground is the mind. It is in the mind that demons whisper to you things like "You want to sin. Your flesh wants to sin. You have a right to be jealous. You have a right to hate. You're only human; what can God expect"? And then we believe the lies, and we are convinced that we have no control over our bodies and we give in to the temptation and let our flesh relive its old habits. Meanwhile, the Holy Spirit within us is crying out "Be Holy. Stand Firm. Let me live through you, and I will win the battle for you!"
So that's the key right there. See how it all fits together? Christ died for us - he fought our battle because we couldn't fight that battle on our own. It doesn't change after we become Christians. God STILL wants to fight our battles for us. Only now, he wants to fight our battles not only for us, but also THROUGH us. Summoning up all our human willpower will only get us temporary victories that leave us feeling like yo-yos. But if we instead say to him "God, I can't do this in my own power, but I know I am a new creation, designed for Holy living, so take my burdens and live through me and let me glorify you", we are taking hold of that victory he already won for us on the cross. There is powerful living in realizing who we are in Christ - that we have no identity outside of Christ.
To sum this up, I would say this: Stop trying so hard in your own power and give it all up to him. Allow him to take control and live through you. He will do wondrous things in you, and you will know that peace that I sought so long and now have.
If you need to talk more in this area, or any other, or need encouragement at any time, please feel free to send me a private message.
God bless you,
Mike