Situation: You are at a party or similar gathering, and a fellow guest is behaving in a way you find truly offensive. What do you do?
Social graces: What would you do?
- Thread starter LuckyCharm
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P.S. This is the first poll I've posted, and I'm not sure I did it right. There wasn't room for the entire question in the space alloted, so I had to put it in the message body. Can someone tell me how I could have done this better?
Thanks,
~~Cheryl
Thanks,
~~Cheryl
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Hmmm... kind of a tricky one. I guess it depends. If somebody got drunk then I might mention it to the host-- but I should hope they'd be alert enought to notice themselves. Or maybe it would be the right thing to drive the guy home. If someone is just being a generally obnoxious or talking loudly and belching 
it might be best to ignore the fella. But if I was the hostess I would like to see all my guests having a good time and thus if there were a troublemaker in the crowd it should be me that handles it--so I guess I think it's mainly the host's responsibility.
Do you have a specific example?
it might be best to ignore the fella. But if I was the hostess I would like to see all my guests having a good time and thus if there were a troublemaker in the crowd it should be me that handles it--so I guess I think it's mainly the host's responsibility.Do you have a specific example?
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I would mention the behaviour to the host/ess. if this person is attending their party, I assume that they know the person and would be able to deal with him/her. the host/ess has the right to decide what sort of behaviour is appropriate in his/her home (for example, drunkeness, rudeness). different people have different tolerance levels.
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I just realized I left one option off the poll: "Leave, without giving a reason, or make up an excuse." And now I can't edit the poll... 
And, by offensive behavior, I don't mean just being inebriated and obnoxious, but let's say, using extremely offensive language, consistently, or telling ugly and bigoted jokes, or belittling or demeaning someone unfairly -- stuff like that.
I tend to feel that not saying or doing anything would be tantamount to condoning it -- what does everyone else think?
~~Cheryl
And, by offensive behavior, I don't mean just being inebriated and obnoxious, but let's say, using extremely offensive language, consistently, or telling ugly and bigoted jokes, or belittling or demeaning someone unfairly -- stuff like that.
I tend to feel that not saying or doing anything would be tantamount to condoning it -- what does everyone else think?
~~Cheryl
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I would be concerned that my friend (the host/ess) was friends with someone like that. I would assume that he/she already knew that person was an unkind, obnoxious bigot. I doubt that the person has a wonderful personality all the time except for that one night at the party.
That being understood, I'd not tell my friend (the host/ess) who he can and cannot have for a guest. I would not raise a stink at the party--then there'd be TWO obnoxious people at the party. As before, I'd let the host/ess deal with it (or not).
That being understood, I'd not tell my friend (the host/ess) who he can and cannot have for a guest. I would not raise a stink at the party--then there'd be TWO obnoxious people at the party. As before, I'd let the host/ess deal with it (or not).
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Originally posted by J.B.
I would leave and kindly,discreetly bring the problem to the attention of the host(-ess).
Huh?
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I'm sorry I was COMPLETELY confused by that obviously! 
I will try to read more carefully from now on! 
I will try to read more carefully from now on!
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AngelAmidala
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Don't worry about it! I've typed up entire replies to PMs and stuff using the "quick reply" function. Then instead of selecting "submit reply" I've hit "post reply" and lost everything!!
To answer the poll question, I selected other.
If it was possible, I'd try to go in another room or area away from the offensive person. If that was impossible, I would explain to the host/hostess that I had to leave, and then later (like the next day or something) talk to the person explaining why I had to leave.
I've typed up entire replies to PMs and stuff using the "quick reply" function. Then instead of selecting "submit reply" I've hit "post reply" and lost everything!! To answer the poll question, I selected other.
If it was possible, I'd try to go in another room or area away from the offensive person. If that was impossible, I would explain to the host/hostess that I had to leave, and then later (like the next day or something) talk to the person explaining why I had to leave.
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I'd pull a columbo and passive agressively annoy the guest so he doesn't want to be there and hopefully he leaves. If he doesn't at least as a consolation I get a chance to have some fun at his expense.
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I agree with lucypevensie; it really does depend. But if they were belching, I would laugh. I'm no amateur belcher myself, especially when I drink soda.
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Susan
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BTW if someone is making a "double entendre" always ask them if they know the pervert meaning.
I speak from bitter experience as a somewhat sheltered homeschool girl. . .I once stupidly asked someone in my family "did you eat the last piece of cake?" while not knowing the word referring to the amount of cake to be a DE at the time until Mother looked shocked out of her mind. :o
I still cringe with embarrassment at that :o .
Also, be VERY sure to ask if you don't know 100% in a situation where there are no suggestive words, but the message overall seems like a DE. I once wrote someone here a PM that I thought was OK at first then when I looked at it I realized that something I said could have been misinterpreted (although not very easily) as a DE.
EEEEEEEK.
At least the person who read it saw it in the more innocent sense that I intended I think. At least I hope so. . .
I speak from bitter experience as a somewhat sheltered homeschool girl. . .I once stupidly asked someone in my family "did you eat the last piece of cake?" while not knowing the word referring to the amount of cake to be a DE at the time until Mother looked shocked out of her mind. :o
I still cringe with embarrassment at that :o .
Also, be VERY sure to ask if you don't know 100% in a situation where there are no suggestive words, but the message overall seems like a DE. I once wrote someone here a PM that I thought was OK at first then when I looked at it I realized that something I said could have been misinterpreted (although not very easily) as a DE.
EEEEEEEK.
At least the person who read it saw it in the more innocent sense that I intended I think. At least I hope so. . .
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I would mention to the host privately how offensive I found that person's behavior, and if the offensive behavior continued, I would excuse myself and leave. I'd also not go to the host's next party.
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