struggling with contenious people

Yitzchak · Oct 6, 2005

Yitzchak (that's me) is struggling with contentious people in his life.

I'm speaking of people who seem to like to argue. They know that they disagree before I am even done speaking. If I said the wall is white , they would say , no it is off color yellow. If I say it is cold, they say , no the temperature is relative. Cold would be minus 50.

So can someone help me out with some scriptures. I think I remember reading in the bible that we are to walk away from contentious people. when does the scripture about casting our pearls before swine apply?

It is one thing to disagree. But what I am struggling with is someone who doesn't even try to hear what I am saying. They just like to argue.

I have walked away sometimes, but then I stew about it in my stirred up emoptions for a few hours afterwards. They are family members so it is difficult to totally avoid them and they do it daily.

Please pray for me to break this cycle and get some wisdom from The Lord on how to keep my peace. I start each day with the best of intentions but after being insulted and argued with several times, my peace starts to go.

lonnienord · Oct 6, 2005

i am sure there is a proverb or two for you. I hope someone comes along and posts them. I am definately praying for you!!

IKTCA · Oct 7, 2005

Brother Y:

Is the dispute mostly about faith in Jesus?

Rupert

pdudgeon · Oct 7, 2005

depending on how old the person is and their relationship to you there are a couple of general things that might help.

if it is someone younger this could be part of a struggle on their part to begin forming and voicing their own opinions as opposed to going along with yours... if the opinion voiced is a generalization, then ask them for examples and listen as they explain. you don't have to agree, but objective listening is the key. this takes a while to work, but patience is what works. brick by brick as they see you listen and not be quick to judge or react, they will begin to take down the verbal wall and defensive attitude that they have built up. Work to find a place of agreement between you.

if the person is older or in your age range, there might be a few reasons....
1. they are in physical or mental pain. pain makes anyone grouchy. constant pain can make them constantly so.
2. they have become bitter without realizing it. these are the people whose cup is always half empty. they need to have longed-for dreams realized in their lives in order to change their attitudes. Happiness is in them somewhere, but it may take some work to bring it to light.
3. there may be a control issue as to who is head of the household. treat this one with gentleness but firmness. in any household there can only be one head. anything with two heads is a monster.
4. they could be over-scheduled and have no peace.
5. it's not you, it's a cultural thing.
are their friends this way? were their parents?

when you think you've got it hard just remember Moses and the Israelites.
God had and answer for him and I'm sure He will find and answer for you too.
p.s. i am sorry that this post is so long.

Alpine · Oct 8, 2005

Yitzchak said:
Yitzchak (that's me) is struggling with contentious people in his life.

I'm speaking of people who seem to like to argue. They know that they disagree before I am even done speaking. If I said the wall is white , they would say , no it is off color yellow. If I say it is cold, they say , no the temperature is relative. Cold would be minus 50.

So can someone help me out with some scriptures. I think I remember reading in the bible that we are to walk away from contentious people. when does the scripture about casting our pearls before swine apply?

It is one thing to disagree. But what I am struggling with is someone who doesn't even try to hear what I am saying. They just like to argue.

I have walked away sometimes, but then I stew about it in my stirred up emoptions for a few hours afterwards. They are famliy members so it is difficult to totally avoid them and they do it daily.

Please pray for me to break this cycle and get some wisdom from The Lord on how to keep my peace. I start each day with the best of intentions but after being insulted and argued with several times, my peace starts to go.

I know the kind of people you're talking about. Difficult people. Sometimes being around them is impossible but really why live your life feeling like you can't even have an opinion without it being opposed?

Apples of Gold · Oct 8, 2005

Alpine said:
I know the kind of people you're talking about. Difficult people. Sometimes being around them is impossible but really why live your life feeling like you can't even have an opinion without it being opposed?

Oh me! I've felt this way A LOT lately. I'm praying for you, please pray for me also!

pdudgeon · Oct 8, 2005

Proverbs 15:1.
"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger."
(this really works!)

Proverbs 25:11.
"Timely advice is as lovely as golden apples in a silver basket."

soblessed53 · Oct 10, 2005

Oh my that is one of my weaknesses as well. I am so glad the Lord lead me to your thread,as I am determined to find a way to overcome this weakness in my own life. I did a search and came up with these two books that I have already reserved at my library. Maybe you should look for them? Excellent post,God Bless You.

Thank You for Being Such a Pain : Spiritual Guidance for Dealing with Difficult People (Paperback)
by Mark Rosen
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0609804146/002-3537535-6588839?v=glance&n=283155&v=glance

http://www.mypharmacy.co.uk/health_books/books/h/how_to_cope_with_difficult_people.htm

Yitzchak · Oct 11, 2005

IKTCA said:
Brother Y:

Is the dispute mostly about faith in Jesus?

Rupert

That is some of it. But they also seem to argue with people who are not Christians. They argue about sports, politics , whatever comes up. I don't really think that it is personal towards just me.

Yitzchak · Oct 11, 2005

Alpine said:
I know the kind of people you're talking about. Difficult people. Sometimes being around them is impossible but really why live your life feeling like you can't even have an opinion without it being opposed?

This sums it up pretty well. Thankfully my wife and I don't treat each other this way. It is something a person has to experience in order to understand how such small things can cause so much frustration. It is not the one critical or arguementative comment that bothers me. It is the cumlative effect of hundreds and thousands of such comments.

My wife says it is like this. if I was in school and got a 90%, they would say "why didn't you get 100%" if I got 100% they would say "if you got 100% this time , why don't you get 100% every time". If I got 100% every time, they would say "why aren't you in the advanced program?' If I got 100% in the advanced program , they would say " you probably have too much pride." It just never ends.

Yitzchak · Oct 11, 2005

pdudgeon said:
depending on how old the person is and their relationship to you there are a couple of general things that might help.

if it is someone younger this could be part of a struggle on their part to begin forming and voicing their own opinions as opposed to going along with yours... if the opinion voiced is a generalization, then ask them for examples and listen as they explain. you don't have to agree, but objective listening is the key. this takes a while to work, but patience is what works. brick by brick as they see you listen and not be quick to judge or react, they will begin to take down the verbal wall and defensive attitude that they have built up. Work to find a place of agreement between you.

if the person is older or in your age range, there might be a few reasons....
1. they are in physical or mental pain. pain makes anyone grouchy. constant pain can make them constantly so.
2. they have become bitter without realizing it. these are the people whose cup is always half empty. they need to have longed-for dreams realized in their lives in order to change their attitudes. Happiness is in them somewhere, but it may take some work to bring it to light.
3. there may be a control issue as to who is head of the household. treat this one with gentleness but firmness. in any household there can only be one head. anything with two heads is a monster.
4. they could be over-scheduled and have no peace.
5. it's not you, it's a cultural thing.
are their friends this way? were their parents?

when you think you've got it hard just remember Moses and the Israelites.
God had and answer for him and I'm sure He will find and answer for you too.
p.s. i am sorry that this post is so long.

The bitterness thing seems to fit for these particular people.

Yitzchak · Oct 11, 2005

Thank you everyone for praying for me and posting. I am seeing some change this week in them. They seem to be beginning to face the fact that they may be bitter and angry and need to do something about that. That in itself is a major breakthrough.

awesumtenor · Oct 13, 2005

Yitzchak said:
Thank you everyone for praying for me and posting. I am seeing some change this week in them. They seem to be beginning to face the fact that they may be bitter and angry and need to do something about that. taht in itself is a major breakthrough.

Sometimes these people are in our lives because there is something God is working out in us through there presence in our day to day existence... One biblical example was Elkanah's second wife Peninnah to his first wife, Hannah. Hannah was vexed by Peninnah's lording over her the ability to have children and she prayed and prayed for a child for selfish reasons... to no avail...but when she finally prayed to God and told Him, if you give me a son, I will give Him back to You... IOW if you bless me, your blessing will be used to bless others... then He heard from heaven and she had Samuel.

Continue to pray for these people in your life... but be mindful and ask God what is it He is trying to work out in you through them... it could be patience... it could be compassion... or whatever... but God does not allow anything to occur in our lives frivolously and all things work together for good to those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.

In His service,
Mr. J

Yitzchak · Oct 13, 2005

awesumtenor said:
Sometimes these people are in our lives because there is something God is working out in us through there presence in our day to day existence... One biblical example was Elkanah's second wife Peninnah to his first wife, Hannah. Hannah was vexed by Peninnah's lording over her the ability to have children and she prayed and prayed for a child for selfish reasons... to no avail...but when she finally prayed to God and told Him, if you give me a son, I will give Him back to You... IOW if you bless me, your blessing will be used to bless others... then He heard from heaven and she had Samuel.

Continue to pray for these people in your life... but be mindful and ask God what is it He is trying to work out in you through them... it could be patience... it could be compassion... or whatever... but God does not allow anything to occur in our lives frivolously and all things work together for good to those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.

In His service,
Mr. J

Thank you. This rings true to my spirit. I need to pray and ask God what it is that He is trying to emphasize right now.

EmeraldLily · Oct 13, 2005

I don't know if they will help-but thought I'd give it a shot as I live with one of "those"
another poster already did a couple favorites-so that challenged me to seek new ones(thanks).
Though I walk in the midst of trouble, thou wilt revive me: thou shall stretch forth thine hand against the wrath of mine enemies, and thy right hand shall save me.
Psalm 138:7
My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.
Psalm 73:26
You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.
Isaiah 26:3

freyajem · Oct 13, 2005

Yitzchak said:
is struggling with contentious people in his life.

I'm speaking of people who seem to like to argue. They know that they disagree before I am even done speaking. If I said the wall is white , they would say , no it is off color yellow. If I say it is cold, they say , no the temperature is relative. Cold would be minus 50.

So can someone help me out with some scriptures. I think I remember reading in the bible that we are to walk away from contentious people. when does the scripture about casting our pearls before swine apply?

It is one thing to disagree. But what I am struggling with is someone who doesn't even try to hear what I am saying. They just like to argue.

I have walked away sometimes, but then I stew about it in my stirred up emoptions for a few hours afterwards. They are family members so it is difficult to totally avoid them and they do it daily.

Please pray for me to break this cycle and get some wisdom from The Lord on how to keep my peace. I start each day with the best of intentions but after being insulted and argued with several times, my peace starts to go.

Yitzchak (that's me)- Hi this is freya and I knew a true lady once and her solution to such things was the best I have ever experienced. If anybody interrupted her, she would stop speaking instantly always to hear the other person, always out of respect. Usually stopped the interrupter immediately. She did the same thing if a person wasn't listening. She would stop sharing if it brought no worth or whatever. My experience has been that this will usually stop people, get them to listen and allow sharing. Silence is definitely golden. It takes a lot of strength and love to do it but it works.

struggling with contenious people

יצחק

Keep Praying!!

Senior Veteran

Traditional Catholic

Resident Sojourner

Active Member

Traditional Catholic

Well-Known Member

יצחק

יצחק

יצחק

יצחק

Well-Known Member

יצחק

Well-Known Member

Senior Veteran

Similar threads