I need help

lucybee · Jul 14, 2005

Ok so a year ago I was raped, well at least I think I was.

What happened was that my best friends cousin had been after me for a while. I was avoiding him to the best of my ability. Each time he came around he took advantage of me and pushed me way past my comfort zones, and forced me farther. I was always able to stop him. But one night I was at my friends sisters house and there was a party, and I didnt want to be there and couldnt leave. So I just went to her sisters bedroom and went to sleep. Sometime that night he came and layed his kid down to sleep in the bed with me. About 5 in the morning he also came in the room. He woke me up and started in on me. I asked him to stop and tried to push him off of me, I also fought to keep my clothes on and stand up. Eventually I stopped fighting and decided that after he finished with me he would not bother me again. I know that this was a bad idea because I was a virgin, but I didnt know what else to do.

Ok now for the part where I need help, some say that this wasnt rape because I didnt fight hard enough, and I know that he thinks it was consensual. Its true that I didnt scream out, one because I didnt want to wake up the baby that was stilll in the bed, and two I was embarassed and didnt want others to see.

Another thing is that up until about a month ago I saw the guy all the time, he was living with my bestfriend and her sisters family

.

We talked all the time and he still tried to come on to me. The part that is bothering me is that in some way I feel for him. I am mad that he took my virginity, because I wasnt ready for that. But i also feel something because he was my first. All my life I have never really had anyone my own age that was attracted to me. It has always been older men that tried things with me and showed me attention. So since he was still showing me attention between other girls he was seeing, I felt kinda special. I still kissed him and kinda flirted.

So basically what I am asking is is this normal? Did he rape me, or am I just looking for an excuse so that I dont feel guilty about not being a virgin anymore. I havent slept with anyone else and I dont want to. And I would really like some advice because this is tearing me up inside.

I would love your advice, because no one who really knows me knows about this because I am ashamed to talk about it.

Houston09 · Jul 14, 2005

In a way i was in the same position. I didnt fight back either but it was still sexual assualt. So i really think that in your position you did fight back and having feelings for him is just something that happens. After I was sexually assulted i still had feelings for the guy who did it to me. SO honestly I believe that you were raped and those who say that you werent really dont know what went on while you were in that room with him. God Bless

Nice Dream · Jul 14, 2005

I had a similar situation when i was younger with this older man. I was really drunk and on drugs at the time and was passed out, woke up with him on top of me. I tried to struggle away, but i really didn't want to shout out and have everyone else not believe my word for it and take his account over mine... I don't know if mine was rape either. Biblically it says if you're in a town and don't shout out it's not rape, but that's the old testiment law so i really don't know.

wendythepooh · Jul 14, 2005

Anything done to you against your will, even if you have feelings for someone, is still rape. Period.

Gracie710 · Jul 14, 2005

YES IT WAS RAPE. You told him to stop. You did not want it to happen. That equals rape. YES a thousand times yes you were raped. As for having feelings because he was your first -- I just believe in my heart that you can't stand to face the fact that your virginity was stolen from you. That is not how it is supposed to be.

Please call a rape crisis line or go to a rape crisis center. This sort of thing can really tear you up inside.

lucybee · Jul 15, 2005

Ok so I attemped to talk to someone yesterday, they didnt help

They told me that guys were not perfect and that they couldnt be expected to act like cold statues. They said that it was not his fault that I acted the way that I did. In their words I asked for it, but letting him go as far as he did before that night, and by letting this happen that I was sending mixed signals, so that when I did tell him to stop, he didnt believe me and I was just trying to 'save face' by saying that I asked him to stop.

Now I am more confused than ever, and feel dirty if what they said is true and that I will never be ok again

Gracie710 · Jul 15, 2005

Who was this person that you talked to?

PLEASE PLEASE call this rape crisis line, it is Christian based, and talk to someone who knows what they are doing. (800) 656-HOPE.

God bless you. You will be all right.

beetlequeendiva · Jul 15, 2005

If you were forced in to something you were raped, whether you fought back or not it doesn't matter, alot of the time we are to scared to fight someone off

reeann · Jul 15, 2005

I think the first time I had sex I was having those feelings like I really didn't want to either. But I didn't know how to say no. I was taught to be complying, if that makes sense. BUT, this is a big but, if you say no, and fear over takes you, its rape. Whether or not you think it meets the LEGAL definition of rape, afterwards you FEEL all the feelings rape victims feel. THIS IS VERY REAL. I dont' think I was rape, but I sure wasn't mature or secure enough to know how to stop it. Still had the same effect, i felt dirty and used. I would say definitely get rape counselling. What is important is that you felt raped, and its affecting how you deal with life

Johnnz · Jul 19, 2005

You were raped. Many girls take blame onto themselves, quite wrongly. Guilt at not doing more to stop is also very common. Yes, you will feel an attraction to him. He entered into you and took your virginity. That creates a bond. You need someone to pray with you over that. You also need to determine to cut him out of your life. You don't need a guy like that. And, if he is seeing other girls the chances are he will have sex with whover her can. Is that the guy you want to be drawn to?

John
NZ

Daisysqueaks · Jul 19, 2005

Lucybee, I will be praying for strength for you! I am so sorry for what has happened to you. You are very normal that feel guilty and that you have feelings like you do. :prayer:

alethakays · Jul 27, 2005

I will be praying for you. a similar thing happened to me and i didnt realize that it was affecting my life untill years later. I still havent told many ppl but I know i have to becuase i know in the future i will help someone come out of this also.

beloved42 · Jul 27, 2005

lucybee said:
Ok so a year ago I was raped, well at least I think I was.

What happened was that my best friends cousin had been after me for a while. I was avoiding him to the best of my ability. Each time he came around he took advantage of me and pushed me way past my comfort zones, and forced me farther. I was always able to stop him. But one night I was at my friends sisters house and there was a party, and I didnt want to be there and couldnt leave. So I just went to her sisters bedroom and went to sleep. Sometime that night he came and layed his kid down to sleep in the bed with me. About 5 in the morning he also came in the room. He woke me up and started in on me. I asked him to stop and tried to push him off of me, I also fought to keep my clothes on and stand up. Eventually I stopped fighting and decided that after he finished with me he would not bother me again. I know that this was a bad idea because I was a virgin, but I didnt know what else to do.

Ok now for the part where I need help, some say that this wasnt rape because I didnt fight hard enough, and I know that he thinks it was consensual. Its true that I didnt scream out, one because I didnt want to wake up the baby that was stilll in the bed, and two I was embarassed and didnt want others to see.

Another thing is that up until about a month ago I saw the guy all the time, he was living with my bestfriend and her sisters family .

We talked all the time and he still tried to come on to me. The part that is bothering me is that in some way I feel for him. I am mad that he took my virginity, because I wasnt ready for that. But i also feel something because he was my first. All my life I have never really had anyone my own age that was attracted to me. It has always been older men that tried things with me and showed me attention. So since he was still showing me attention between other girls he was seeing, I felt kinda special. I still kissed him and kinda flirted.

So basically what I am asking is is this normal? Did he rape me, or am I just looking for an excuse so that I dont feel guilty about not being a virgin anymore. I havent slept with anyone else and I dont want to. And I would really like some advice because this is tearing me up inside.

I would love your advice, because no one who really knows me knows about this because I am ashamed to talk about it.

Yes you were if you didn't say yes it was I would say to pray on this and ask GOd for help do what is right he has to be stopped in case he has done this to other women, maybe even girls under the age of consent talk to a conselor and see what they say. :pray:

Katie12 · Jul 27, 2005

Hun this was rape,consentual means you wanted to,rape means you said no and he herd you and you fought back that is rape,those other ppl,dont listen you need to tell some one hun.Do you have a pastor or teacher or an adult you can tell?Or thiers even hotlines you can call to ask,and they will tell you the same thing,i will look them up for you and pm them to you.But you cant keep this,this was rape.Ill be praying and i will find those numbers for you.

Blessed be,
Katie
P.S.
:hug:

's and

's
Be safe hun
pm me anytime if you want to talk

lucybee · Aug 1, 2005

Thank you all for the support, you dont know how much it means to be able to let it out and not be shuned :hugs:

I realise now it was rape, and that I didnt do anything wrong. Even if no one else sees it this way, I feel pure in my heart. It will take some time to get used to this, because I am a strong person and not used to being overpowered. I cant believe that he did this to me.

After reading what everyone wrote, I will never look at him the same way. I know that because he is part of my best friends family that our paths might cross, but I will never ever let him touch me again. But I dont see that as a problem, because right now my best friend wishes to never see him again. And the fact that he has a warrant out for beating up his last girlfriend, I know that I am lucky it was not worse, with what happened to me.

So again thank you so much for the support and all the love you showed me :hug:

I need help

Regular Member

Member

Regular Member

The Poohinator

Active Member

Regular Member

Active Member

Daughter of the Ultimate Bomb Diggity <img src="ht

Trust and Obey

Senior Veteran

Thank You for Your blessings, Lord

Active Member

Well-Known Member

Well-Known Member

Regular Member

Similar threads