• The General Mental Health Forum is now a Read Only Forum. As we had two large areas making it difficult for many to find, we decided to combine the Mental Health & the Recovery sections of the forum into Mental Health & Recovery as a whole. Physical Health still remains as it's own area within the entire Recovery area.

    If you are having struggles, need support in a particular area that you aren't finding a specific recovery area forum, you may find the General Struggles forum a great place to post. Any any that is related to emotions, self-esteem, insomnia, anger, relationship dynamics due to mental health and recovery and other issues that don't fit better in another forum would be examples of topics that might go there.

    If you have spiritual issues related to a mental health and recovery issue, please use the Recovery Related Spiritual Advice forum. This forum is designed to be like Christian Advice, only for recovery type of issues. Recovery being like a family in many ways, allows us to support one another together. May you be blessed today and each day.

    Kristen.NewCreation and FreeinChrist

Okay here it goes...

Daisysqueaks

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I have been a little down in the dumps lately and am in serious need of prayer. I don't know if I really want to go into specifics yet but just know that it is because of past abuse that has cropped up in my mind recently. Sorry for being so vague right now... Thanks for the prayers
 

Yasha

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I pray for peace and resolution for the issues that are surfacing. I, too, have been heavily weighed down in recent weeks as I participate here. There is a need to bring things out to veiw and review sometimes in the new Light that He provides us. I am very empathetic to your curent stance and will lift you in prayer, gently, to the Father. amen.
 
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Daisysqueaks

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I guess I will talk a little more now. The only reason I was so vague before is that I thought it would keep me from having flashbacks. Whenever I start really thinking of things sometimes that happens...anyway I had flashbacks this morning so much for that... (sorry I have a tendency to ramble)
The thing is this summer marks 20 years since the abuse started. I was 11 and lasted until I was 17. I have done wonderful (thanks for a loving husband and the wonderful graces of God) in recovering. The main trouble isn't "anniversaries" if you want to call it that for lack of a better word. The trouble is that my daughter is turning 11 this year. So her body is growing and changing and I see myself at her age. Am I crazy? My abuser is alive (my father), I am also having a hard time forgiving him. While the abuse was occuring I would sonetimes ask him to stop. He would cry and tell me he was sorry and it would never happen again...that would last for a month or so and then he was at it again. I confronted him once a few years ago...I told him that I forgave him even though he didn't apologize. But it was like going through the motions. And I am afraid for my daughters. I don't let him be alone with them. But visiting (I now live 200 mi away) is still tough. I can't bring myself to bearly hug him or even talk. Any of you understand what I am going through?
 
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Katie12

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Hunny i understand,i was abused 7 to 16 and then i meet a guy and he said he would never do that so we got married.Well he turned out to be the same.Same as me da.Well now im not to far from him but still i mean i dont want the kids to go visit him cause one isnt his and the other is and i DO NOT want him to have her or be around her,period.I mean who knows what might happen.No one does only God.But i still have faith even when its really,really hard.Feel free to pm me any time hun,we can talk and pray together,so cna everyone else ;) .You have a loving family waiting for you in heaven and in here on CF.Much :hug: 's and :kiss: 's.


Blessed be,
Katie
P.S.
You'll be in my prayers.
 
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Godsgirl481

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First, you have all right to be scared for your daughter. I trust no men at all and watch any interaction between a grown man and a little girl very carefully for any signs at all of abuse. I was raped from age 7 to 18, as well as physically, mentally, verbally, and spiritually abused. Your fears are very normal. My abusers (all of them) are still alive and I have not seen or spoken to any of them for 6 years...and it will stay that way. I will not take them to court because I refuse to see them. It is okay to be scared to hug him...he hurt you as a child.
 
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Gracie710

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Sweetheart,

I am in a similar predicament and I feel for you. First of all, praise our sweet and precious Lord that you were able to love a man like your husband and produce this precious child to whom you are responsible. And praise God that you have the good sense to have the instinct to protect her. That is what is happening -- you are remembering the hellish situation that you were in and from which you were not protected. PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR DAUGHTER. It is okay for you not to ever touch your father again. It is TOTALLY normal not to want to touch a person that violated you -- it is healthy and perfectly okay. It doesn't mean you haven't forgiven -- it simply means that you are drawing a boundary around yourself. You must never leave your daughter alone with this man. There is no evidence whatsoever that he has changed in the least, and unfortunately and as painful as it is, most child molesters do not change their ways. You are the MAMA BEAR who must protect her little cub.

It is perfectly understandable for you to have flashbacks now that your daughter is at the age at which you were abused. This happens to many of us. Perhaps you thought somehow it was your fault, but now that you see how vulnerable your own daughter is, how young and in need of protection, it opens up your wounds and makes the grief fresh again. How painful it is for those wounds to be opened up again.

It really would be all right for you to refuse to see your father at all. You don't have to "make nice" or "pretend" or "keep the secret" if you don't want to. If you do CHOOSE (and I say choose, because there is nothing that says you have to) to see him, you may tell him, "Dad, you are my father and I wish to be a part of your life, but I prefer that you not touch me. You know why. Also, do not touch my daughter. If you try to touch me or her, we will leave." That's not unloving, it's being kind to yourself. You must keep yourself and your daughter safe at all costs, because that is your responsibility.

I feel for you -- please take care of yourself! And God bless you richly.
 
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Katie12

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And just another thing about me da,See i cant stand him,because he says sorry all the time he menchens what he sorry for.It drives me nuts.But i dont leave my lil girl with me da or my son.But for me the fear hasnt gone away even with my husbend i mean i dont even like him to be alone with them.I mean im still jumpy around men,lik ill hug them but if they reach for me ill like jump backwards.But i was abused physicaly by my father and my husbend.Then mentaly by my mom,but i think she hurt me the worst,because she just sat thier didnt look that way or went to hide,i guess but in my way i think she hurt me the worse.Weird huh.I know she was prolly scared but still,i will never forget that.I can forgive but i always have the flickers of fear every now and then.Then i have the flashbacks,but thats normal.I mean they abused us.Like i said feel free to pm me anytime ;) ,:hug: 's.And your still in me prayers.



Blessed be,
Katie
 
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Pilgrim1951

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Gracie710 said:
Sweetheart,

I am in a similar predicament and I feel for you. First of all, praise our sweet and precious Lord that you were able to love a man like your husband and produce this precious child to whom you are responsible. And praise God that you have the good sense to have the instinct to protect her. That is what is happening -- you are remembering the hellish situation that you were in and from which you were not protected. PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR DAUGHTER. It is okay for you not to ever touch your father again. It is TOTALLY normal not to want to touch a person that violated you -- it is healthy and perfectly okay. It doesn't mean you haven't forgiven -- it simply means that you are drawing a boundary around yourself. You must never leave your daughter alone with this man. There is no evidence whatsoever that he has changed in the least, and unfortunately and as painful as it is, most child molesters do not change their ways. You are the MAMA BEAR who must protect her little cub.

It is perfectly understandable for you to have flashbacks now that your daughter is at the age at which you were abused. This happens to many of us. Perhaps you thought somehow it was your fault, but now that you see how vulnerable your own daughter is, how young and in need of protection, it opens up your wounds and makes the grief fresh again. How painful it is for those wounds to be opened up again.

It really would be all right for you to refuse to see your father at all. You don't have to "make nice" or "pretend" or "keep the secret" if you don't want to. If you do CHOOSE (and I say choose, because there is nothing that says you have to) to see him, you may tell him, "Dad, you are my father and I wish to be a part of your life, but I prefer that you not touch me. You know why. Also, do not touch my daughter. If you try to touch me or her, we will leave." That's not unloving, it's being kind to yourself. You must keep yourself and your daughter safe at all costs, because that is your responsibility.

I feel for you -- please take care of yourself! And God bless you richly.

In my opinion this is excellent advice with much wisdom and love!
:thumbsup:
 
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Jcsogls

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I grew up and was raised in a dysfunctional home. Both my parents are alcoholics and both abused me. My other abusers include peers at school and a cousin.

My father and mother abused me sexually, emotionally, verbally and physically. There was no respect for personal space and certainly no boundaries were set. My mother would physically abuse bu sifficating me from time to time. She would sit on my chest and block my airways so I couldnt breathe. I thought on few occasions that i was going to die. She would also start kissing games with me. From what I could remember they started around the time I began being a teenager but it could've started before then and I just dont have a memory of it. The kissing games were basically kissing her and she would put her tongue in my mouth I guess the game was if I could close my mouth before she did what she did I would win otherwise she would. I also remember having a pillow put over my face and having weight put on it. She also wanted me to kiss her one evening the way I would kiss a girlfriend, very awkward and uncomfortable.

My father would physically abuse and sexually abuse me.My father would fondle me with my clothes on and he would turn it into a joke. My dad also was into inappropriate content. He would rent videos and leave em around for me to look at. I remember one morning on the weekend where I woke up to a inappropriate content being played on the living room tv set. My brother and father were watching it like it was a regular tv show. He would come into the bathroom when I was in there and go in the sink or tub in front of me. They(parents) didnt like it when something was locked a door or whatever It meant they couldnt have access to it and that was something that just couldnt be..

My mother and father also burned me as a punishment. One day they took a match one parent held my finger over the flame that the other parents was holding to discipline me.

Godbless to all here
In Christ
RIch
 
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