Deamiter said:
I was cutting and doing other self harm for a few years, though now I'm through it almost completely.
The first thing I'd like to say is that you should NOT accuse her of simply trying to get attention. For some reason that's a common accusation, and I suppose it's justified given that I've known a few people who did it to fit in or to get their parents to notice etc...
However, she obviously tried to hide it from you, and the truth is that she probably wishes you never knew about it.
I think it's more likely that she's using as a coping mechanism to deal with depression or other mental issues. One of the main problems with major depression -- which makes it so hard to get out of on your own -- is that it causes a person to ruminate and obsess over negative things. I used to tell myself for hours on end how useless and stupid and worthless and unlovable I was. The cutting breaks the cycle and the physical pain is a huge relief when it comes with mental peace.
After that, I suppose I should resist the impulse to give more advice as I'm not an expert by any means! You should be aware that you aren't going to be able to get her to stop right off. Because it provides such instant relief from mental pain, self-injury is very addictive and she's likely to relapse even years after she's "recovered." But this isn't a death sentence or anything! She CAN recover, though it's obviously quite difficult for you AND her!
So yeah, get her a doctor's appointment. Therapy -- ESPECIALLY Christian therapy (from professional therapists, not therapy from Church members) is key. Having somebody to talk to about the issues behind her stress is very important as the cutting won't go away without addressing the underlying issues.
It might also be a good idea to get an appointment for yourself with a therapist (a different therapist) to discuss how it affects you, and how you can best help your daughter through it. If you had somebody to check in with once a month, I think it could help you to be the best support possible and avoid screaming at her whenever the stress gets too much for YOU!
Unfortunately, self-injury HAS become more popular now that there's a large culture where it's accepted. With something as serious as this, nobody does it just to follow the crowd, but that does make it harder to find alternatives.
I really don't believe that cutting is ever a emergency situation that means your daughter is seriously considering suicide. At the saem time, it IS an emergency in the sense that she is hurting inside and isn't finding productive or sustainable ways to deal with it. Cutting is a very effective short-term solution that causes many more problems in the future. Again, I'm no professional, but I really think that with Christ, you can make it, and avoid believing the inevitable self-accusation that it's your fault!
I noticed the cuts when she was sleeping (she is not drawing blood), but she is lieing about how long it has been happening. I found them and then i asked her have u been out in the woods or something, she said no, I said then your cutting your arms arent u? She never said yes or no, but really triggered me is, I talked to her yrs ago about it, and told her all the problems that fall with it.
I didnt yell, I just told her she had to go to ER or doctor or something.
I have not made her feel guilty or caused her any more stress, i have even been doing her dishes (which is her chore everyday, while we are dealing with dr appts)
I did take her to ER, she told them its only been happing for a mth, which my younger daughter said she tried to do it to her and she watched her do it and it was happening longer than a month.
I didnt call my daughter a lier or anything, i did ask for the safety pins and im checking her arms everyday and I told her that if i had ANY thought she was cutting somehwere else id check her as I wished to. (maybe thats was wrong, i dont know, but im not watching her do it)
Now her arms are healing and she even told me tonight, look the marks are almost gone.
She came out of ER crying and told a girl in the ER waiting room why she was there, she kind of acts like its not a big deal or she isnt embarrased about it.
Im not gonna treat her "Special" "Different" because she is cutting, because I dont want it to be like. Ok your cutting, ill treat u special.
they also put her on a 10mg anti depressant today.
What do u think?
