What Causes Adultery

Egghead

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mdolls68 said:
I'm just wondering, have you ever sinned against God in anything? Saying that a person who sins is Satan incarnate is very judgmental.
Youd need to meet my exwife. ;)
Even her own family warned me not to marry her :D
My family was convinced she was trying to kill me for death benefits.

Judgmental? Id say youd have to see her in action to determine that.

It reminds me of the Pharisees who judged the adulterous woman.
I wish we were only speaking of adultery.
I easily forgave that from her.

They, in actuality, were far worse than her because at least she acknowledged her sin and repented while the Pharisees thought they were all high and mighty.
You dont know my situation and Id appreciate youre not pretending that you do. Thanks.

Of course, I was right where your thinking was before I ever committed adultery.
adultery was easily forgiven.
That wasnt the worst of my exs issues.

Don't be so quick to judge other people.
Quick ?!!:scratch:
I gave her almost 15 years.
Hardly quick.

At least I was willing to admit, ask for forgiveness and allow God to change me. God looks at ALL SIN as wrong, and not adultery worse than a white lie.
Adultery isnt the unforgivable sin.
I could get around that easily since I know Im not perfect either.
But when even her own family has to wonder if shes trying to end her husbands life, we're talking something WAY beyond just adultery.

Adultery can be caused by something as small as being weak willed and put into the wrong situation (which is why I mentioned it)

It can also be that the person never meant thier vows to begin with.

Or this person can also be so vile and wicked that they care about nothing or noone other than themselves and what they can get out of life regardless of the cost to others....including even their own children.
 
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Ache For Heaven

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Well, I am a Christian man and can tell you that I never really had the temptation to commit adultery in my marriage until the last couple of years.
I have been married for 14 years.

My wife does not like sex, she will lay there for me so I can take care of myself, but that is about it. There is no passion, she shows no interest, when I get frisky she simply gets angry and says really cruel things like. "That part of our life is just dead." She is very mean, and she doesn't care how it hurts my feelings.

She told me that she says these mean things because it makes her mad when I suggest sex or flirt with her. She has said we might as well admit that we do not see eye to eye on the sex issue.

She thinks it is a normal marriage issue, The man always wants sex but the woman does not.

So is this normal???
 
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brokenbananas

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Egghead,

In light of you meaning your ex-wife, I can see what you are saying. I thought you were saying that in general for all people. Now that I better understand, forgive me for not knowing this. I was speaking only from my own experiences for myself.

For myself personally, I don't think I was a weak-willed person, rather an unguarded person in some areas of my life that are very important. Lesson learned. Don't need to repeat that.

I apologize,
Doris
 
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MERCY@GRACE

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Ache For Heaven said:
Well, I am a Christian man and can tell you that I never really had the temptation to commit adultery in my marriage until the last couple of years.
I have been married for 14 years.

My wife does not like sex, she will lay there for me so I can take care of myself, but that is about it. There is no passion, she shows no interest, when I get frisky she simply gets angry and says really cruel things like. "That part of our life is just dead." She is very mean, and she doesn't care how it hurts my feelings.

She told me that she says these mean things because it makes her mad when I suggest sex or flirt with her. She has said we might as well admit that we do not see eye to eye on the sex issue.

She thinks it is a normal marriage issue, The man always wants sex but the woman does not.

So is this normal???

Hmm, you may want to create another thread for this ?, so it doesn't get lost in this thread! I can say from experience, and from the maj of friends online and IRL-that it's not normal but common. I have had yrs where I could go w/out it, and admitt that I turned my dh down more than I should have. BUT as soon as I turned 30 (2yrs ago) I guess my libido kicked in, and now I chase him just as much as he chases me;) If your wife knew the potential damage she could cause from denying you-I'd bet she'd think twice. I KNOW the temptation is there for you to go 'outside the marriage', but remember SIN will take you further than you want to go, and longer than you want to stay..and more than you want to pay! Getting revenge is NOT worth it!
 
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Egghead

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forgive me for not being more detailed.
I guess I just assumed we were all kind of responding from personal experience :)


Unguarded is another :)

I didnt mean weak willed in as bad a sense as it sounded.
Something more along the lines of unguarded would be more like what I was thinking.

adultery can just happen because of circumstance.

Say a wife who is neglected for years, then some smooth talking man just happens to say everything she wanted her husband to.

I apologize if my first post made it seem like I was generalizing. I wasnt.
Just speaking from my experiences :)


mdolls68 said:
Egghead,

In light of you meaning your ex-wife, I can see what you are saying. I thought you were saying that in general for all people. Now that I better understand, forgive me for not knowing this. I was speaking only from my own experiences for myself.

For myself personally, I don't think I was a weak-willed person, rather an unguarded person in some areas of my life that are very important. Lesson learned. Don't need to repeat that.

I apologize,
Doris
 
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Egghead

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Ache For Heaven said:
Well, I am a Christian man and can tell you that I never really had the temptation to commit adultery in my marriage until the last couple of years.
I have been married for 14 years.

My wife does not like sex, she will lay there for me so I can take care of myself, but that is about it. There is no passion, she shows no interest, when I get frisky she simply gets angry and says really cruel things like. "That part of our life is just dead." She is very mean, and she doesn't care how it hurts my feelings.

She told me that she says these mean things because it makes her mad when I suggest sex or flirt with her. She has said we might as well admit that we do not see eye to eye on the sex issue.

She thinks it is a normal marriage issue, The man always wants sex but the woman does not.

So is this normal???
Its not normal from what Ive seen.

I think the man usually wants sex more than the woman, but Ive known married women who would practically beg thier husbands for sex.

Not to imply anything, but is there more to it all than what youve said so far?

Was she always like this?
Her comment makes it kind of sound as if she gave up at some point over something between you.

:)
 
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Egghead

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MERCY@GRACE said:
Hmm, you may want to create another thread for this ?, so it doesn't get lost in this thread! I can say from experience, and from the maj of friends online and IRL-that it's not normal but common. I have had yrs where I could go w/out it, and admitt that I turned my dh down more than I should have. BUT as soon as I turned 30 (2yrs ago) I guess my libido kicked in, and now I chase him just as much as he chases me;) If your wife knew the potential damage she could cause from denying you-I'd bet she'd think twice. I KNOW the temptation is there for you to go 'outside the marriage', but remember SIN will take you further than you want to go, and longer than you want to stay..and more than you want to pay! Getting revenge is NOT worth it!
It is kind of crazy.
Men want sex young and start letting up later in life.
Women seem to start wanting it more often just as men are gettig to the point where once a week is enough :D

Gods little prank on married life ;)
 
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fmsmom

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Here is what my husband told me mind you he is still living with her so here's what he said
"You asked me the other day why I had left? Well, to tell the truth, stupidity mainly. I still have a deep sense of guilt for what I have done. That's why I call all the time also, and to see if you are ok. and xxxxx too. Like I've told you before, Im sorry. Myabe if I hadn't been so self centered, things would have been different. Still having a hard time explaing it to myself sometimes. Just to let you know, I still and always will care for you.And I also say a prayer for you and xxxxxx every day."
the x's are where my daughters name is.
 
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heartnsoul

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What causes adultery? In my opinion, it's the lack of discipline, commitment, and conviction to God.

Can adultery be forgiven? Of course. Just like all sins, if the sinner is repentant of the sin, then God will forgive.

It's a matter of the heart. God knows all of our hearts and he knows whether our heart is in the right place or not.

Thank God we have a God who is loving and forgiving. :angel:
 
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Torah

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What are some of the reasons adultery is committed by Christians?

It’s in the heart. Temptation comes to all of us at one time or another. The problem is when one entertains the though, then it becomes an action. This is why Yeshua said in Matt 5: 27 "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.'
28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.


It is in the heart that that the sin is birthed / entertain and then taken into action.
In our society where we have a large number of woman in the work force where they are working along side men, and relationships are built. This is the perfect breeding ground for the heart to fall into lust. There are ways to fight this.

1) Openly shear your faith.

2) Openly read the word.

3) And when the flirting starts. Walk / run away.

4) If a woman or man is coming on to you. SPEAK agents it. Let the person know that you feel that they are making you feel uncomfortable.

5) Avoid being alone with said person.

6) Pray for you spouse.

Do not give a foothold to Satan, Keep your mind pure and you will not commit Adultery.
If you don’t, Then, “The fleas wants what the flesh wants.”
 
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Serving4Christ

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Wow, I might come as a shock to many, but here goes anyway.

In my marriage, I was lonely. Lonely and starving for another persons affection. When I turned to my wife for it, I'd get words like, "I hope you die." If that wasn't hurtful enough, "While don't you just shoot yourself!" Having meaningful conversation in a 13 year marriage, non-existent. Feelings of worth: non-existent. Rasied self-esteem: shattered. Wondering why the marriage existed: priceless!

Who wants to stay in a marriage and feel like that? When someone comes along and offers you affection or even some emotional support, you try to become...uncarnal. Although I never comitted adultry in the sexual sense, I can surely understand why someone would. I don't think adultry is just about sex, I think it's about giving your heart to someone else other than your wife. So in my own case, I committed adultry because she lost my heart year one of marriage. That makes me an adulterer. How does one repent for that when they feel 100 times better than in their marriage?
 
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Katydid

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Well, I believe there are a number of reasons, the ones that I have seen personally were these reasons....

1. The adulterer put themselves in a position where it was possible.

For example: Husband is out of town so wife decides to go to a club with her single friends instead of to dinner and a movie with married friends.

2. The adulterer was put in a situation where it was possible.

For example: (I was in this position and it scared me) Husband was gone while wife had movers at the house. Movers came on to wife. (Only through the grace of God did I resist, this made me realize it can happen to anyone and I think it was God's way of knocking my pride down a bit).

3. Spouse is not meeting the needs of their partner.

For example: Wife doesn't want to have sex, denies her husband, husband gets desperate falls into sin. (This happened to a friend of mine)

4. Spouse has some reason to hurt or gain the attention of their partner.

For example: Easy going husband leaves town, wife demanding attention or anger (for some this is a necessary feeling due to abuse in the past) sleeps with someone to get husband angry and gain attention.



These are just the ones that I have been close to and seen. All of them are situations that actually occured and only one of them PURPOSEFULLY set out to do this to their spouse. Most just fell into it out of lonliness and desperation.
 
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gracefaith

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Couldn't it be that adultery happens just because people are weak? Does there have to be an excuse, reason or justification for it? So you're lonely, not getting enough sex, he's mean, she's wonderful, in wrong place at the wrong time, etc, etc. In the end, isn't it really about standing in the way of temptation and not being able to resist it? How many people are lonely, unloved or in the wrong place and the wrong time and DON'T commit adultery? How many do and have no good 'reason' for it?

I came to this realization last year when I found myself with I can only term 'a crush' on a male friend of mine. Now, I love my husband, he is a good man, he loves and cares for me, we have a good sex life, I would never want to hurt him and I want to be married for the rest of our lives. There was absolutely no good reason for me have anything approaching the feelings I had for this other guy (even as harmless as they seemed.) Still there was something very seductive about it. I could literally feel how easy it would be to give into its draw and thensome. If either of us had been weaker people (praise God that we were not), I think it could have happened in spite of our happy marriages, loving spouses and 'knowing better.'

Perhaps, there are no decent reasons for adultery - only a weakness of character that tells itself that this or that 'reason' makes it permissible.
 
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Katydid

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Perhaps, there are no decent reasons for adultery - only a weakness of character that tells itself that this or that 'reason' makes it permissible.


I don't think anyone would say these are good reasons, or permissible. Just that these ARE the stinky, no good, dumb, stupid, selfish etc. reasons that people have. I would never say they were good reasons, but the OP did ask what the reasons were as to why someone commits adultery. Some people are not as strong as others in this area, and to know what causes it can sometimes prevent it. You know, like, if you had never had acohol, there is never a good reason for becoming an alcoholic, but if you know what causes people TO become alcoholics, then perhaps you can prevent it from happening to you.
 
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Tamara77777

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HI :wave: The Lord said that if you think it in your heart, you've committed it...so therefore who can say that they've never thought it...it comes from the fallen nature...and if we don't make ourselves aware of our thought life, it can run havoc in your life and destroy your marriage.

The Lord has to cleanse and purge and regenerate our minds/thru His cleansing. It is allowing Him to lay the cross and we must experience a death...he alone can make us white as snow!

Blessings!
Tamara77777 :clap: praisingonpaino
 
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Jill Ann

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mdolls68.....what a great post. You really have thoughtful insight concerning your situation and I think it is right on the mark.

I believe that one of the main causes of affairs is when a person chooses to believe that they are incapable of ever committing infidelity and therefore don't need to take the proper precautions or adhere to healthy boundaries when dealing with others (this can include an inappropriate thought, flirting with someone at the office, being "friends" with someone of the opposit sex, failing to be honest with our spouses about certain details, etc). Once we can acknowledge the fact that we're all vulnerable and at risk of falling then we will realize how important it is to go to great lengths to affair-proof our marriages every single day.....because Satan is working hard to destroy our marriages every single day.
 
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